To think it's never right to call someone "toxic"

[eyelevelgrill]

Just that really. I first heard the word about 6 years ago and dislike it just as much now as I did then.

Do you use it? What do you mean by it? Do you think it is a very strong word to use?

Slotted I find your posts on this dismissive, victim blaming, disability and frankly disgusting.

Do your 'lovely possibly having a personality disorder or aspergers' 'friend' a favour and don't pretend to be her friend.

Get to fuck Slotted. How DARE you.

Argh not disability - disablist

I think there are three main kinds of people who use the word "toxic":

1. people who genuinely know someone who is... venomous? And not in a funny MN way either. But earlier posts in this thread have described it so much better than I ever could.
2. "toxic" people themselves, who tend not to be big on treating others fairly (funny that), and,
3. people who have no sense of perspective, and while not actually toxic themselves, do like to find fault with others.

The existence of groups (2) and (3) doesn't negate the existence and experiences og group (1). Some people are incredibly and consistently hateful to anyone in their lives and toxic is a good word for people who damage others to that extent.

I think the word "toxic" is more for the benefit of the victim's mindset, rather than a way to call someone a nasty name.

Some people who get trapped in abusive relationships get trapped there through mental damage that has accumulated over time, they feel responsible for the abuser's wellbeing or they feel like they have no right to even think of their own health/happiness, let alone safeguard it.

"Toxic" as a word does a lot to help undo some of that mental programming. No one expects you to do anything but avoid something that is "toxic" to you. It's also not your fault that the toxin exists and there is no expectation for you to sort it out, it's eminently reasonable to get away.

It's also, I think, rather less a judgey term than some abusers deserve, I think I would be more inclined to use "evil".

As someone who has a lot of my own flaws to be ashamed of, I wouldn't take offense if someone called me toxic, I would take a long, hard look at myself. Because what someone is really saying when they use that word is that you are hurting them.

You've obviously not met my parents!

My medical experience is none DawnDonna which is why I said 'IMHO she possibly has....'*
Even to voice such a possibility would require medical evidence.
For those of us that have Asperger Syndrome, keep your opinions to yourself, we've have enough difficulties without people like you diagnosing those you're not keen on with Aspergers on a public forum.
I have every right to call my mother toxic, particularly as my dyspraxia branded me a cack-handed cow and my literal interpretation branded me as thick. Think it if you like, but stfu about it in public.
HTH.

eyelevelgrill

But it is your issue, Yes you have retracted because posters have put their experiences forward. but you are still judging.

You can accuse me and others of not rtft, but the truth is that I (we) disagree with you.

That seems like a good summary Tara.

I'm sorry I said the wrong thing to littlemiss, I just wanted to acknowledge the post that's all.

lala how awful, and others who were abused by those who were toxic. So slotted do you think that children are to blame for their abuse by a toxic person, by your rationale, those at the receiving end of toxic behaviour are to partly to blame!

Well I come here to listen and learn Boney, what would be the point otherwise? What would be the point if my opinion was unchanged after all these posts?

Patricia, I do see your point about using the word to shift blame from victim to perpetrator.

I'd be interested to know the origin of the word, whether it has a medical meaning, etc.

I think some people act in a toxic way at times, when they're the sort of people who have -strongly- negative effects on a lot of the people around them. Sometimes it's deliberate, sometimes it's not. I'd say that's toxic behaviour.

Then there's the people who deliberately choose to be destructive, who love to see the light go out in someone's eyes as someone put it eloquently. Either they spread their general destructiveness or they focus it on one particular victim. But if someone persistently and knowingly keeps acting in this way then to my mind they become toxic people.

It is like calling a group of people "vermin"

No, it's not. If you describe someone as toxic then you're talking about one person. If you call a group of people vermin that's a perjorative name and assuming that all people in that group are the same. They won't be, they can't be. There will be good and bad in a group of people. But 'toxic' is more individual.

Could only find this

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=toxic

eh? toxic's another word for poisonous.

wiki definition

oxford dictionary definition

Thanks sea eagle,

I didn't see any of the meanings discussed in this thread there, just descriptions of things like situations (not people)

Happy to be corrected

Ok...
Could some of these posts be described as toxic?
Good Friday bun fight anyway:)

No!

Do you - I would describe my dad as toxic and he's not really that bad, especially in comparison to some of the people described on here. But everything he touches is made worse for his having been involved. Every relationship he has ever had has failed - wives, children, siblings, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, friends of friends, everyone.
He brings a certain kind of misery to a situation that makes you feel as though he actively enjoys always finding the negative, always making the one comment that could bring you down, always turning the situation into one which is uncomfortable or awkward, or just unpleasant.
He offends everyone, he upsets people, he dances on their raw nerves and holds his hands up as the victim of everyone else's misunderstanding when challenged. He has no sympathy, no empathy, no ability to put himself in someone else's shoes even for a second.
He can be clever and funny and interesting, but it's never worth the inevitable downside and he lives his life with a maelstrom of upset and disquiet in his wake. His attitude and approach has left him alone and feeling every inch the victim of the world's failure to understand him.
He is a blight on himself and others, and has remained untouched by enough therapy, counselling and various other forms of support for me to be confident in saying that there is no underlying mental health problem, and no hope of him ever changing.
I think it would be fair to describe him as toxic without even feeling any particular 'hatred' towards him, which I don't. It just describes the insidious effect of a person or thing which cannot help but taint the things it touches.

FWIW
Beginning to understand DPs are toxic has helped me to know that I am not insane. (Yes that actual word has helped me ALOT).
OP at best this post is unsympathetic pedantry.
I personally have found it pretty bloody unhelpful.
At worst ... foof well um words fail.

How did you think this post would play out??!

Evil
Should your title have read "shouldn'twe be nice to each other"!
At the end of the day it's just a word flexibly used to describe behaviors/traits. It has no definitive derivation of victim blaming (seems to be fashionable to link this to everything lately! ) or disablism (which I don't think is actually a word - more abuse of a perfectly good language) or any other ism... unless it's nasty-ism or someother new fangled atlantisism (got one in myself there :))!
If you don't like it don't use it. I really find swearing abhorrent and imho generally a sign of limited intelligence - others disagree and swear in front of there kids but that is up to them... each to their own.

That's fine, appreciate all the replies, have understood certain uses a bit better

I am glad its opened your eyes a bit eye, some of the stories on here are truly heartbreaking and harrowing, the abuse some have suffered at the hands of a 'toxic' individual. Uncomfortable though it may seem, some people do deserve that description, as they are thoroughly nasty, abusive and evil individuals. I am afraid it is the person as well as the behaviour, these are adults we are talking about, not children, their behaviour reflects them and their persona.

talking of terminology, I think a few people are so deliberately destructive I personally would go beyond 'toxic' and call them 'evil'. Not a word I'd use often, and only in the extremes of cases. The lead singer of Lost Prophets would be one.

These are thank god very rare though.