Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there reason for SS involvement?

110 replies

PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:06

Genuinely interested in whether I'm BU here.

There's a cow of a former friend who reported me to the police last year out of reasons I considered to be spiteful. The investigation came to nothing but caused me and my family a lot of stress at the time.

I'm genuinely wondering whether I should pay her the favour back and report to SS. She is PG with DC5, her and DH live in a one-bed flat and co-sleep with the other 4DC in the bedroom. She regularly shouts at the older DC and in my opinion treats them in a mean way. She is known to have thrown things at one of the DC when getting angry (she bragged about this). She swears in front of DCs all the time (but gets away with it all as she is related to some prominent people, so she's the Queen Bee of the school mums).

She lives off of her family's money as neither her or her DH have a job. She is always late to school pick ups and parents' evenings. The flat isn't particularly tidy either. I used to cut her some slack as she has many DCs but after her betrayal I've stopped looking at her life through rose tinted glasses.

Am I being just a vengeful cow here? I admit I fantasise about turning the tables a bit after all the misery she caused me. I do worry about the way she treats the older DC, and I also wonder how the new babies are made when they all co-sleep - it just seems a bit fishy to me.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 18:08

Yes. This sounds like spite.

CarrotVan · 01/12/2016 18:08

YABU - there's no real concern that the kids are at risk and her midwife/health visitor will clock the sleeping arrangements for the baby

DearMrDilkington · 01/12/2016 18:08

Don't ring social services to 'pay her a favour back', that's an absolutely vile thing to do.

plimsolls · 01/12/2016 18:09

No.

Nothing you've posted there looks like cause for social services support.

Also, SS aren't there to aid you in your revenge fantasy.

Also, SS are there to support families who need help in some way. They are not a punishment.

I can't think of a nicer or more gentle way to say it: I'm sorry for the trouble your friend has caused you but please grow up.

burgundyandgoldleaves · 01/12/2016 18:09

If you think her children are at risk, that is when you should be involving SS. No other reason.

iwantavuvezela · 01/12/2016 18:10

ss is over stretched and over worked. Don't deny a child that needs support time taken away in a fraudulent investigation.
I am sorry you suffered at her hands, but that is not the way forward.

JenLindleyShitMom · 01/12/2016 18:10

Shock is this for real??

popperdoodles · 01/12/2016 18:10

You need to think about if the children are at risk of harm. Reporting to ss should have nothing to do with revenge.

corythatwas · 01/12/2016 18:11

What about the other family- the one with serious MH issues or a terminally ill parent or flashbacks from an abusive father- who don't get seen because the SWs are busy investigating your report?

GinIsIn · 01/12/2016 18:11

SS are not an accessory for your revenge party. If the children are at risk and need support you should report because of that. If it's for your own ego trip, grow up!

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:11

Yeah I felt like I was BU. If the tables were turned she'd report me in an instant, but... Two wrongs don't make a right.

Thanks for your views, I was just a bit concerned with the DC as well as being a vengeful cow but as you pointed out the health visitor will be involved anyway.

OP posts:
GoofyTheHero · 01/12/2016 18:12

I can understand you're missed off, but nothing you've posted above warrants SS involvement. Their flat 'isn't particularly tidy'?
Sounds like spite.

Soubriquet · 01/12/2016 18:12

IF the children in your opinion are at risk then yes do report

If it's just you with a petty vendetta, grow up and stop being spiteful

Pippin8 · 01/12/2016 18:12

Definitely unreasonable. That situation would not meet the threshold for social care intervention.You'd be completely wasting their time.

And you do know that people have sex in rooms other than the bedroom don't you?

user1480182169 · 01/12/2016 18:12

Ask yourself one question, and be honest; would you have thought of reporting her to SS if she hadn't done it to you? If truly yes, then call. If not, then don't.

DrQuinzel · 01/12/2016 18:12

You seem nice.

Can't possibly think of a reason anyone would fall out with you.

cecinestpasunepipe · 01/12/2016 18:12

I can understand how you feel, but best if its kept in the realm of fantasy. Revenge fantasies can be much more satisfying than actually acting them out, and can't rebound on you.

listsandbudgets · 01/12/2016 18:13

she's not acted like a friend to you and if you are thinking of doing something that will at its best cause stress and at worst seriously distress her children and potentially split up her family then you are not acting as a friend to her.

do yourselves both a favour and stay out of her life

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 18:14

Please don't do this, it just uses funds that could be better spent helping children who really are at risk. It's a stupid thing to do.

What were the reasons for her calling the police?

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:14

DrQuinzel You seem a price of a friend too! Judging me without any idea of what this person did to me. I agree however that revenge fantasy is best kept a fantasy.

OP posts:
Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:14

*prize

OP posts:
GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 01/12/2016 18:15

Yes you are being spiteful and deep down I think you know it.

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 01/12/2016 18:16

I can't believe my eyes Confused

Pidlan · 01/12/2016 18:16

Would you be able to keep a one-bed flat tidy if you had 4DC?!
No. Me neither.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 01/12/2016 18:16

In many many countries, families sleep in the same room.

Swipe left for the next trending thread