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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there reason for SS involvement?

110 replies

PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:06

Genuinely interested in whether I'm BU here.

There's a cow of a former friend who reported me to the police last year out of reasons I considered to be spiteful. The investigation came to nothing but caused me and my family a lot of stress at the time.

I'm genuinely wondering whether I should pay her the favour back and report to SS. She is PG with DC5, her and DH live in a one-bed flat and co-sleep with the other 4DC in the bedroom. She regularly shouts at the older DC and in my opinion treats them in a mean way. She is known to have thrown things at one of the DC when getting angry (she bragged about this). She swears in front of DCs all the time (but gets away with it all as she is related to some prominent people, so she's the Queen Bee of the school mums).

She lives off of her family's money as neither her or her DH have a job. She is always late to school pick ups and parents' evenings. The flat isn't particularly tidy either. I used to cut her some slack as she has many DCs but after her betrayal I've stopped looking at her life through rose tinted glasses.

Am I being just a vengeful cow here? I admit I fantasise about turning the tables a bit after all the misery she caused me. I do worry about the way she treats the older DC, and I also wonder how the new babies are made when they all co-sleep - it just seems a bit fishy to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
PussInCoutts · 02/12/2016 17:24

Grin A part of me wishes I could tell but I have to consider the rest of her family which were always kind to me, obviously we're NC now.

If I really wanted revenge I'd call Daily Mail. But I'm not that kind of person. I was genuinely interested in whether there was concern for SS involvement or whether I'd lost perspective because of her antagonising antics. I'm glad to know the consensus seems to be that the kids are safe.

OP posts:
Princesspinkgirl · 02/12/2016 17:27

No one should report someone to SS out of spite I know what she done to you is wrong I don't disagree but if everyone went around reporting everyone out of spite lots of children could end up in care how ever if you genuinely had really cause for concern over the children then that's different and needs to be addressed

plimsolls · 02/12/2016 17:29

OP you are really twisting things. Just because people are saying that you shouldn't report to SS (particularly out of revenge as per your original post) doesn't mean we are all condoning emotional abuse or throwing things at children. As you well know.

plimsolls · 02/12/2016 17:30

Slight cross post there OP. My comment wasn't in response to your latest post.

SlottedSpoon · 02/12/2016 17:31

She lives off money from relatives who are 'prominent people' yet she's in a one bed flat with a partner, four kids and one on the way? Confused

She should ditch the prominent relatives and the partner and get herself on benefits as a single mother. She'll be quids in and in a three bed house in no time.

Alfieisnoisy · 02/12/2016 17:38

It that quick slotted, I've seen people stuck in one bed flats with three children for 2 years and more....put the kids in the bedroom and have a sofa bed is the advice round here. They get priority but unfortunately there are other priorities above them if the children have no SN

Alfieisnoisy · 02/12/2016 17:38

Not that quick....not it

SuburbanRhonda · 02/12/2016 17:39

I like to not get involved in other people's business

I beg to differ, OP Hmm

Crowdblundering · 02/12/2016 17:42

if everyone went around reporting everyone out of spite lots of children could end up in care

This is hilarious!

Alfieisnoisy · 02/12/2016 17:42

Yeah...don't let her get to you. Don't waste any more of your time on her.

Just remember that karma might eventually get her in some way. If she is like this with other people then SOMEONE will eventually tell the Daily Mail. But not you, hold your head high.

Boundaries · 02/12/2016 17:46

Unfortunately posts like this serve to reinforce the idea that SS are there as a threat of some sort.

It puts many vulnerable people off engaging properly, or asking them for help in the first place.

SlottedSpoon · 02/12/2016 17:52

Ok this thread is clearly designed for you to publicly out the woman involved, by stealth. I can't think of a single last name that makes me Immediately assume they must be related to someone famous and influential (apart from Kardashian) but you obviously seem to think that no shit will stick to her because people are somehow in awe of her on account of her famous name and obvious connections Confused

I would tactfully suggest to you that that is bullshit and is all in your head.

But if you want to play a not very subtle game where you keep dropping clues and waiting for us to ask questions until we eventually guess who she might be related to then knock yourself out.

In the end it makes no difference. If she was concerned enough to report you to SS then even if they took it no further, people (other than those who already have a grudge against you and an agenda of spite) would rarely make a report to SS without long hard thought.

I understand that you are hurt and angry but any report you might now make will hopefully be treated with the suspicion and cynicism it deserves. Pull yourself together and don't be an arse.

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 02/12/2016 18:54

It's hardly designed to do that Spoon. I'm sorry you are so cynical and unimaginative that that's the best you can come up with.

I think you're trying to provoke me to give more identity details. won't work.

OP posts:
thisisafakename · 02/12/2016 19:18

She considers it a matter of pride that she has never had to pay to attend a concert or suchlike because she gets lots of freebies with the last name

Trying to rack my brain to think of a name that would instantly open doors and get you free concert tickets, but would ALSO hold great sway with social services. Would a musician really be so impressive to social workers?

Is she related to one of the Beatles or something? Though none of them have/had really unusual surnames. Maybe her last name is Bieber. That would make me pay attention.

SlottedSpoon · 02/12/2016 19:19

she swears in front of the DC all the time (but gets away with it all as she's related to some prominent people)

She continues to be super popular in the community. It's amazing what the right last name and family connections can give you

shes pretty much no contact with the figure you'd all know the name of but said figure GP has paid for her apartment so no rent or mortgage to pay.

she has never had to pay to attend a concert or such,Ike because she gets lots of freebies with the last name

Oh come on. You can protest all you like but I don't believe you. And like I said, it's irrelevant anyway. The police and social services are not stupid enough to believe malicious lies just because the person who told them is related to someone wealthy or famous. If you believe that then I feel sorry for you.

What exactly was her issue with your new partner, anyway?

Psychomumsucks · 02/12/2016 19:21

You sound quite spiteful and a bit sick and twisted that your idea of revenge is to call social, people like you are what's wrong with this world.

SlottedSpoon · 02/12/2016 19:21

And no, I'm not trying to provoke you into identifying anyone. If anything I am trying to provoke you into shouting up. Honestly, your desperation is so transparent I'm a bit embarrassed for you.

SlottedSpoon · 02/12/2016 19:23

Shutting up not shouting up!

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2016 19:32

The more this thread goes on, the more it feels like the ramblings of a pissed off nine year old.

Petty, malicious, doesn't make a jot of sense Confused

tallwivglasses · 02/12/2016 19:39

There's something confusing me OP. If you were aware of the abuse and throwing things when you were close friends, why didn't you do anything about it then?

Psychomumsucks · 02/12/2016 19:48

You come acrosss quite aggressive and repeated emails and calls when she clearly wants nothing to do with you makes you seem desperate for drama and pathetic.

UnbornMortificado · 02/12/2016 19:53

Do you actually realise how much stress comes from these fake referrals?

If you were that worried surely you'd of rung SS when the throwing accident happened.

Social workers are overworked as it is. By putting a fake referral in your taking time away from families that actually need intervention.

MyCatLikesToSitInBoxes · 02/12/2016 19:53

You're making yourself seem like a twat OP. Perhaps try getting a life and keep out of other people's business?

Using public services to exact revenge is vile.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 02/12/2016 19:53

I just can't grasp why a filthy rich person would pay the mortgage/rent for a family of six/seven to live in a one bedroom flat. Confused

Does he/she (rich person) really hate your ex friend and want to punish her or something?

She'd get a better deal if she sacked off the arrangement with her benefactor and presented herself to housing as homeless/overcrowded.

Even the incumbent government don't expext seven of a family to sleep in the same room.

Stoey makes no sense. Confused

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 20:02

Please stop the pretence that you give a shit about the kids when you openly said you were thinking of reporting her for revenge. If you really thought the kids were in danger you'd report for their sake, not because their mother had pissed you off.

You are making yourself sound more sociopathic and manipulative with each post. Give it up.

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