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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is there reason for SS involvement?

110 replies

PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:06

Genuinely interested in whether I'm BU here.

There's a cow of a former friend who reported me to the police last year out of reasons I considered to be spiteful. The investigation came to nothing but caused me and my family a lot of stress at the time.

I'm genuinely wondering whether I should pay her the favour back and report to SS. She is PG with DC5, her and DH live in a one-bed flat and co-sleep with the other 4DC in the bedroom. She regularly shouts at the older DC and in my opinion treats them in a mean way. She is known to have thrown things at one of the DC when getting angry (she bragged about this). She swears in front of DCs all the time (but gets away with it all as she is related to some prominent people, so she's the Queen Bee of the school mums).

She lives off of her family's money as neither her or her DH have a job. She is always late to school pick ups and parents' evenings. The flat isn't particularly tidy either. I used to cut her some slack as she has many DCs but after her betrayal I've stopped looking at her life through rose tinted glasses.

Am I being just a vengeful cow here? I admit I fantasise about turning the tables a bit after all the misery she caused me. I do worry about the way she treats the older DC, and I also wonder how the new babies are made when they all co-sleep - it just seems a bit fishy to me.

OP posts:

RortyCrankle · 01/12/2016 18:53

OP, she has been vile to you - I don't blame you at all for wanting revenge. As people have said, it's probably not a good idea to call SS but there's nothing stopping you hoping that karma eventually bites her on her bum.

Have some and a and relax knowing you're a better person than she will ever be.

Crowdblundering · 01/12/2016 18:58

Do you know how much paperwork 1 referral into Social Care generates YABU and a twat.

mynachos · 01/12/2016 18:59

cant belive the police would take two emails seriously! too much time on their hands? Were you particulary spiteful in them or made threats?

Lorelei76 · 01/12/2016 19:03

OP "I used to cut her some slack as she has many DC"

she chose to have them, she doesn't need to be cut slack for that.

as others have said, you don't report unless it's something that you would report a stranger for. The main thing in your post is she bragged about throwing things at her kid. Poor kids.

FilthyKeyboard · 01/12/2016 19:09

Have I just entered some kind of parallel universe?

Graphista · 01/12/2016 19:18

"cant belive the police would take two emails seriously! too much time on their hands? Were you particulary spiteful in them or made threats?"

Just what I was thinking. My brothers in police, they're ALSO extremely busy/overstretched there will have been a reason they investigated - either way more communications than op is saying or something illegal in the emails.

As for they only investigated because of her last name

Yoarchie · 01/12/2016 19:22

Look OP there are nasty people about and she is one of them.

You must think from your own perspective that reporting her will not help you in any way.

Don't do it, leave well alone.

Original poster

PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 19:24

Graphista well I was not threatening in the emails in the slightest! I was saying I felt upset at how she had treated me re DP and verbally abused me. But hey ho those who know it all will never believe reality cam be stranger than fiction

OP posts:

Original poster

PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 19:27

Thanks for the helpful views. Lorelei you're right. I found that to be child abusive tbh.

she is also a DV apologist, slagged an acquaintance off once for 'overreacting' to a DV issue. I found it alarming she said it's normal in a passionate relationship to wave a fist at a spouse's face

OP posts:

Crowdblundering · 01/12/2016 21:38

Public services are so so over stretched and you and you "friend" or ex friend and using them in your childish, pathetic rows.

As someone who has been through 5 rounds of redundancies and see colleagues lose their jobs because of the cuts I hope you feel thouroughly ashamed of yourself.

I actually hope this post isn't real.

Original poster

PussInCoutts · 02/12/2016 00:26

Crowdblundering, hello. FYI I have not used public services to row with a friend, the other person did .

I simply enquired here whether I should report her as I consider some of her actions abusive to her children.

You sound like a mean, angry person, jumping at the opportunity to name call someone.

FFIW you're a twat yourself. It's not my fault your job is suffering. It's because people keep voting the tories in. So no I don't see any reason why I should be ashamed for asking the question. I am slightly appalled that you think it's completely fine to throw things at a child etc.

OP posts:

hazell42 · 02/12/2016 13:00

Wow, what a cow. That's you, not her. Whatever she has done to you, why on earth would you try and punish her children for it? Because it is them that would suffer. And from what you have said there is absolutely no basis for SS involvement. Mum sometimes shouts, occasionally swears and the house isn't always perfect? Give me a break.

thisisafakename · 02/12/2016 13:03

I am slightly appalled that you think it's completely fine to throw things at a child etc

Oh get off your high horse. You have admitted that you are motivated by revenge and that you are now not going to report it. So I very much doubt that concern for the children is your motivation. If it was, you would not have come on MN and told us all the backstory about what a massive bitch she is and how she ruined your life.

Strifae64 · 02/12/2016 13:28

She lives in a 1 bed flat with 4, soon to be 5 children? I think your "revenge" is of her own making.

Katy07 · 02/12/2016 13:32

Is it any wonder social services make mistakes sometimes when they've got to deal with a whole load of spiteful reports like this as well as with REAL issues?! And you considered her reasons spiteful....

Crowdblundering · 02/12/2016 14:29

Erm - well thanks

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 14:37

Living in a small untidy flat and shouting are not a matter for social services; they are normal and common things that people do every day, however much you personally disapprove. Social services are stretched enough without people using them for petty revenge. YABU and you really need to move on and stop obsessing over your friend's life, however horrible she was to you. Move on and don't let what happened poison the rest of your life. Thinking like this is doing you absolutely no good whatsoever.

I also wonder how the new babies are made when they all co-sleep

So, are you going to report everyone who co-sleeps to Social Services, then? Thousands of people co-sleep and go on to have more kids. Or is it just this one woman's sexual habits you're obsessed with?

You really, really need to step back. Concocting weird notions of your ex-friend shagging in front of her kids is a creepy way to spend your time.

HoopsandEverything · 02/12/2016 14:39

I also wonder how the new babies are made when they all co-sleep

There are more places to DTD then in the freaking bed. Stop jumping to conclusions.

itunscrewstheotherway · 02/12/2016 15:03

I totally, totally empathise with how you're feeling. Someone once reported me to social services for completely ridiculous, fabricated reasons. It made me feel mortified and angry and upset all at once. It was a few years ago now and I still think about it. I don't know who reported me, but if I had, I might have felt inclined towards revenge, tbh. And from what you've said, she does sound a bit crap (the shouting, throwing, swearing, etc).

But, unless you think the dc are actually being abused (either actively or through neglect), it would be a bad idea.

If she's unkind to her children, she'll get her comeuppance in the form of a lack of a relationship with them when they're older.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 02/12/2016 15:09

She lives off of her family's money as neither her or her DH have a job

She lives off her family's money with soon-to-be five kids in a one bedroom flat??

She needs to start sponging harder.

Original poster

PussInCoutts · 02/12/2016 16:54

Thanks for your helpful advice.

I have been honest with the situation and it has been good to get advice.

I won't report although I'm a bit surprised that some people think it's okay to be emotionally abusive to kids and throw things at them. I feel for the kids as they're nice and I used to be close to them. However, I suspect it is someone else's responsibility to sort this out.

OP posts:

GrabtharsHammer · 02/12/2016 17:01

I'm struggling to imagine a situation where a skint mother of five kids in a one bed is a prominent figurehead in the community with a wealthy connected family.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/12/2016 17:04

"She lives off her family's money"

Original poster

PussInCoutts · 02/12/2016 17:16

Yes it's hard to imagine. She's pretty much NC with the figure you'd all know the name of but said figure has paid for her apartment so no rent or mortgage to pay. She considers it a matter of pride that she has never had to pay to attend a concert or suchlike because she gets lots of freebies with the last name.

OP posts:

BratFarrarsPony · 02/12/2016 17:19

ah go on tell us a bit more....
are they landed gentry or bankers?..
Can we play 20 questions?

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