Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there reason for SS involvement?

110 replies

PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:06

Genuinely interested in whether I'm BU here.

There's a cow of a former friend who reported me to the police last year out of reasons I considered to be spiteful. The investigation came to nothing but caused me and my family a lot of stress at the time.

I'm genuinely wondering whether I should pay her the favour back and report to SS. She is PG with DC5, her and DH live in a one-bed flat and co-sleep with the other 4DC in the bedroom. She regularly shouts at the older DC and in my opinion treats them in a mean way. She is known to have thrown things at one of the DC when getting angry (she bragged about this). She swears in front of DCs all the time (but gets away with it all as she is related to some prominent people, so she's the Queen Bee of the school mums).

She lives off of her family's money as neither her or her DH have a job. She is always late to school pick ups and parents' evenings. The flat isn't particularly tidy either. I used to cut her some slack as she has many DCs but after her betrayal I've stopped looking at her life through rose tinted glasses.

Am I being just a vengeful cow here? I admit I fantasise about turning the tables a bit after all the misery she caused me. I do worry about the way she treats the older DC, and I also wonder how the new babies are made when they all co-sleep - it just seems a bit fishy to me.

OP posts:
BratFarrarsPony · 01/12/2016 18:17

you wouldnt be doing it because you were really bothered about the children, but out of spite. Therefore please do not.

Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 18:17

Obviously what she did to you matters in relation to why you don't like her, but not in relation to whether her children are at risk.

lollylou2876 · 01/12/2016 18:18

Yes yabvu and for your revenge fuelled act some other child, which really does need help will/may pay with their life or virginity, as the as the already overworked and underfunded ss couldn't get any one out to help them.

I'd get some help for yourself as such evil and vile thoughts are not normal.

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:18

RoseGoldHippie She verbally abused me (only her DCs as witnesses present) because she didn't approve of my new DP (whom she did&does not even know) and then I tried to ring her and sent her 2 explanatory emails she called the police and made a complaint of harassment! The police took it seriously because of her influential last name-- so it was a bit stressful for a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:20

lollylou2876 Oh a Jesus here. Merry Christmas!

Such evil and vile thoughts. How about some evil and vile actions from her part - although I can't say more about it here as this is very outing already. I have not and will not be able to tell all details of the horror she put me through.

Keep dreaming of sweet fluffy pink bunnies you thought police you.

OP posts:
RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 18:21

That's really weird Confused she does sound like a treasure!

Why on earth did you send her explanations of YOUR choice of partner??

Still you shouldn't do this mainly because of the effect it has on an already under-funded system.

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:22

Pidlan Yes exactly. I mean if the tables were turned I know for a fact she would have reported me already to the SS.

This person is a cow, and she was someone I thought a good friend, until she betrayed me in some of the worst ways possible.

However, like I said before, I will not report. I will also give myself slack for being a vengeful cow in my fantasy for a bit. Guaranteed you'd be too if you were in my shoes.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 01/12/2016 18:22
Hmm
Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:24

RoseGoldHippie

Thanks! I really appreciate your comment. I haven't been able to discuss this with many ool at all, apart from DP. It has been a horrible situation with lasting repercussions in the school community, affecting my DCs playdates and life... I can't report the whole horror here as it's outing.

So your words mean a lot. She continues to be super popular in the community. It's amazing what power the right last name and family connections can give you.

OP posts:
Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:24

*with many ppl at all

OP posts:
Pidlan · 01/12/2016 18:27

Just to clarify, I think you're being a cow for slagging off her untidy house when she has so little space.

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 18:28

Just try to forget her OP, by the sounds of it she's not worth your thoughts if she was so awful to you! I know it's hard and I can sympathise with the secrete revenge fantasies - I have had them on occasions myself!

I wrote one of mine down once as a kind of short story (changed names etc so was just for me) that made me fee better because I had the revenge without any real life consequences!

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:28

I agree Pidlan!

I am only saying it because it's the kind of stuff she's slagged me off for to others, based on second-hand information.

OP posts:
Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:31

Thanks Rose

That's a good idea, I may try to do some creative writing Grin

The havoc she has caused will continue to affect my DCs life by proxy (think: less invitations for playdates after she's gossiped to the other parents that Puss warranted police involvement) but I will just need to put this aside and cope with it somehow.

I genuinely worry how hostile she is to her older DCs sometimes, or was when I knew her. Never said anything. I like to not get involved in other people's business but I thought that perhaps her involvement in mine warranted a rethink. However, best to forget about the cow and continue blanking her at school. Thanks for your understanding.

OP posts:
Mishegoss · 01/12/2016 18:33

Neither of you sound like very nice people. I don't understand how people live like this. So involved in each others lives and nasty.

lollylou2876 · 01/12/2016 18:34

You asked for opinions, you got one - deal with it! 🐇😅

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 01/12/2016 18:35

What plimsolls says.

Social Services have enough work on their plate without being used as a weapon in personal vendettas.

While they are investigating your possibly-not-the world's-best-mother-ex-mate, another family in real need might be teetering on the brink of tragedy.

Please don't be the one who allows that tragedy to happen.

WLF46 · 01/12/2016 18:35

If you wouldn't report a stranger to social services for the same behaviour then you shouldn't report her. Don't waste their time and resources, they have actual problems to investigate.

However... that does not mean that you should not seek revenge in some other way. If she reported you to social services for no good reason, there's a lawsuit in that. The threat of legal action should fuck her up a little.

Failing that, is there anything else you could do to even the score? You don't have to rush, revenge should be planned carefully. It needs to right the wrong - or at least punish the transgressor. Read The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe (it's short):

"A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong."

Calm, rational revenge. It doesn't need to be rushed - just be sure that she knows it was you who fucked her over, you who won in the end. Some things need an immediate reaction, others can be left a while - let the anger and resentment brew, and strike when the time is right.

PS. Don't actually do what Poe's character did, you don't want to go to prison. It's just the principle that you should copy!

demonchilde · 01/12/2016 18:38

Dear God. Do you honestly think SS's are not stretched enough without having to get into petty squabbles and tit for tat crap like this?

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 01/12/2016 18:40

It's perfectly normal to want revenge. Plan it all out in your head, enjoy the feeling and then forget it. Trying to get revenge almost always backfires and you could set up a cycle of bitterness and spite which neither of you will benefit from.

If you think there is actual neglect or abuse then you have a duty to report it. Otherwise stay well out of it. Someone once made a malicious report about me to SS and years later it still frightens me. Fortunately the allegation was easy to disprove but it was still very distressing. Don't do that to someone else.

Original poster
PussInCoutts · 01/12/2016 18:43

demonchilde etc I think you missed my point. She was the one who overstretched police involvement over 2 emails.

You really are keen to jump and flame people aren't you.

lollylou2876 I would like to know what world you live in if you never have any nasty thoughts except those concerning posters on AIBU Actually I don't like to know - don't care about you, you do not sound particularly nice Flowers

OP posts:
Charlottelouisa · 01/12/2016 18:46

Wow former friends reporting each other to ss!!! Is this the Jeremy Kyle show?

thisisafakename · 01/12/2016 18:48

I would echo what all the other posters have said. SS are so underfunded and overstretched, which is why we have tragedies that happen where children are abused and even die because there was nobody there to look out for them and their social worker had 100 other families to deal with at the same time. Then we have a fully grown adult who wants to consider making a malicious revenge report and using up those resources because she hates her former friend. Words can't do what I feel justice. Why don't you also make some prank 999 calls or waste the time of the coastguard or mountain rescue or something? What you have described does not merit SS intervention (and I suspect it's embellished anyway).

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/12/2016 18:49

Fucks sake are you 5?

Bunnyfuller · 01/12/2016 18:52

The use of the word 'mean' says so much. If you don't get on with someone, bloody ignore them and leave them. We have a long running feud with neighbours who clearly cannot accept we don't wish to associate with them because they're lying, inconsiderate bullies, but us acting like they don't exist isn't good enough. They have to keep chipping at a new thing - shouting at me in the street, telling their kid to take the piss, blocking our drive. LET IT GO!!!