Ok, this is my question...if you know anyone who has never really worked? All her life being SAHM and even now when children at uni...

[btfly2]

This lady is the only case I knew. Please enlighten me with your stories!

Oh I think there are plenty of sneezy and judgemental comments about WOHM who put their children in childcare. But this thread wasn't about that - it was about mothers of older children who have never worked.

And does that make it OK to be snide and judgemental? No it doesn't.

Start a thread entitled "do you know any woman who has never looked after her own child full time but just dumped them in childcare whilst she worked" and see how that goes. Only that isn't allowed.

All this shitty, judgemental bollocks needs to stop. And I mean on both sides.

My mum never worked (well a bit of factory work before she met my dad) and gave that up when she got married. She was then a SAHM for about 25 years back in the 60s/70s, she did some part time office work at my dad's business when us kids all left home for a couple years but other than that no.

It seems it is ok to pay somebody else to look after your children but it is not ok to look after your own children. How ridiculous. I think the whole point of this thread was to get adverse reactions to SAHMs which is pathetic.

I know loads. They volunteer,are usually quite qualified pre-kids so are able to be helpful, help out other families, mind people's children on ad hoc occasions, etc Definitely makes community easier if there are a few people with extra time to dedicate!

Nancydonahue..my set up is very similar to yours. I gave up a very successful career for what I thought would be a short time after our 2nd child was born. Unfortunately she has had long term health issues so having a parent a home is essential for us. DH works long hours and has a long commute. We have no family around that we can call on either, so have to be self reliant. Even when she is well and in school full days, I am busy with the usual domestic tread mill..do volunteer work and have completed a masters. Just starting another course now. And I also volunteer at the kids schools. It annoys me that people think sahm mums are watching Jeremy Kyle all day or are generally unfulfilled. Having worked full time with my first child, my days are certainly no less filled.

MY Mum did this. She has lived a very lonely and unfulfilled life. She regrets not working now and at 61 her working days are over. It doesnt mean you are rich, my Parents come from a culture where women stay at home no matter what the Fathers income is. I personally cannot think of anything worse.

Agree rusty don't see the need, everyone's circumstances are different and people do what suits them, I personally don't care what anyone else's opinion is. Fed up of all the "bashing".

Hey, it's not as if OP could ever have known that this would put the cat among the pigeons, is it? Oh, wait..

Most of my aunts spent their time helping the 'poor and needy', visiting the sick, and sitting on committees of one sort or another. Also, supervising the cleaners, gardeners, drivers, au pairs, etc etc etc. As children, in secret we used to call them Serfs, just because those aunts were so 'Lady of the Manor' with them all.

Our mum had a profession and worked really hard. We - I include most of my female cousins - had no desire to emulate the aunts, though a few have done so.

Well done.

Based on my current lifestyle I 'snagged' a wealthy man. Even my grown up DDs might say that.

The actuality is that when DH and I met we were both doing well in potentially lucrative careers. When we eventually had a family we agreed that the immediate prospects in his field were better so I would be the SAHP we wanted for our DC. Nearly a quarter of a century later, I have very little earning potential and his earnings are very healthy so we probably made the right choice but I am financially dependent on him. I am sometimes a little overwhelmed that I can have a lovely lifestyle with very little current effort from me, but 30 years ago when we made these choices there was no 'snagging' involved. We made our choices and took our chances.

liinoo, I'm sure your family wouldn't say you put in little effort over the last 30 years! don't put yourself down!

Most communities need some adults with more time than others. Especially with public services being cut left right and centre. I work for a charity, and without volunteers we are stuck. It is through working for the charity that I see how much gets done by those who supposedly do nothing because they don't 'work'. Even if it is 'just' listening to reading in school, taking granny to the doctors, noticing that the neighbour hasn't been out in a few days etc. I know that many working people do all this too, but society needs a little breathing room, a little capacity, and on the whole that comes in the form of healthy working age adults who aren't at work 9-5.

Couldn't agree more witsender!

Well said witsender. We need to appreciate people more for what they do, rather than what they earn.