Ok, this is my question...if you know anyone who has never really worked? All her life being SAHM and even now when children at uni...

[btfly2]

This lady is the only case I knew. Please enlighten me with your stories!

Me. Met now-DH at uni, after I'd graduated I wasn't sure what to do with my life that's a History of Art degree for you. Ended up getting a p-t job with a family friend's company for a bit, and then worked for my parents' business for a while. Meanwhile, we'd split up for a bit but when we got back together we wanted to make it work and his career was always going to be more important than mine. We have two DC now, reckon his family would love another one so that may take up more of my time than not. He's still hoping for that big promotion eventually and there is no way I could be a WOTHM then. In the mean time I do a LOT of volunteering for charities. And get my hair and nails done, obv - I mean, this is Mumsnet yes ?

What a peculiar, (and angry) OP.

I don't know any SAHMs. My mum worked as did both my grans, MIL, great aunts and friends. I think because my social circle is mainly through work though it sort of defaults to knowing working mums.

A friend.
Went to RG uni great degree. Lots of opportunities. Decided on a professional career. Didn't enjoy it.
Six months in, gave up due to being stressed etc. Lived with her parents until her boyfriend proposed.
She is now 50+ and has never really earned a penny in her whole life.
Seems weird to me.

ExMIL. Stopped working when she had her first child... in 1970. No children at home since about 2000. Just keeps an immaculate house. Baffles me.

Agree Chickydoo, it seems weird. Hope your friend is happy with her decision which is ultimate the most important thing I believe.

We have two DC now, reckon his family would love another one so that may take up more of my time than not.

Are you going to have another child because your DH's family want you to Pansy, or have I misunderstood?

Genuinely interested in the women who haven't worked or who gave up work how will you manage in retirement or do your other halves have huge pensions? I am contemplating not returning after my 2nd child but debating about leaving the pension system

I know one. Married young, husband worked in three different countries in the early years of their marriage, only one of which she could have worked in, never all that healthy so put what energy she had into the kids. I think her life is not enviable at all. DH is an SAHD and I know I would rather be the breadwinner than do that even if I do have a calendar drawn out of every day until retirement

my friends mums who have never worked, or gave up with the birth of their first and never worked again generally have hobbies, are in shape, and either volunteer or spend a lot of time running round after elderly relatives/their children/grandchildren.
surely if you've never worked filling your time after retirement age would be easier than if you had always worked as you would already have hobbies and friends that you would just continue until you no longer wanted to.
i am ever hopeful this will be me! i could definitely fill my time. we can afford for me not to work whilst at home with the children, but not sure how sustainable it will be once the potential to earn is not cancelled out by the cost of childcare.

I would just point out that it's best to be careful not to come to conclusions about someone - you rarely know what is going on in their life.

I currently am a SAHM, I guess, as I was made redundant from my job two years ago and I've struggled to find a job ever since. I can only work part-time office type jobs though, as I am somewhat disabled.

We're fortunate in that my DH can support us in the meantime. However, my mental health has taken a battering: the job market where I live is tight, and I was a well-paid professional before. I hope some of you aren't looking at me wondering about what I'm doing all day

I do, SIL. My BIL likes her at home even though her youngest is ten and they can't really afford to manage on one income. She seems happy to believe she doesn't think she can get a job now and it's too late to start putting into a pension. He has eroded her confidence.

She is 45, intelligent, practical, attractive and friendly. Why?

My ex MIL gave up work when she married and never went back but in those days that was considered the norm. My SIL (my generation - now in our 50s) from first marriage also gave up work when she got married and still doesn't work. I'd go mad.

I know lots of women who gave up work either as a young trailing spouse or when they had their first child in their twenties and who have never worked again ( some 20-25 years later).

Some are quite happy and enjoy themselves - gym, shopping, lunches, volunteering. Some are bored shitless and never intended for this life.

It's funny how it's OK to make sneery, judgemental comments about SAHM not working and being "kept" but it's not OK to make sneery judgemental comments about WOHM dumping their children in childcare.

Every SAHM and every Part time, casual, or full-time working Mum is equally valuable

We are all Mums and we all do best we can given our upbringing, circumstances and supports
Thank goodness children love their Mums unconditionally, and never concern themselves with such judgement

Oh I think there are plenty of sneezy and judgemental comments about WOHM who put their children in childcare. But this thread wasn't about that - it was about mothers of older children who have never worked.

I agree SoupDragon it seems others are being encouraged to make negatively slanted remarks about SAHM "hope they are happy with their choice" blah blah

Of course each Mum or Dad will make choices different to others since we are not clones and there is no perfect choice cos we are not given equal circumstances and it really is legal and OK to be different

Agree soup, pp even got shot down for saying she thinks it's nice when a kid comes home after school to a parent, not anything negative about childcare, not anything gendered about which parent, not an absolute like every kid should have this, just her opinion it's nice. But ofcourse pp says she likes financial independance and that's not considered an insult (I presume that isn't, I like mine too I just thankfully had it prior to having disabled children).

I loved it after school time

Even when they were all at senior school they would be home at about 3.45 and would come in the living room and all of us would chat about their days...for about 30 mins

Loved it, best 30 minutes of my day

All gone once ds1 went to college and i got an 8 hour a week job

What a ridiculous thing to be judgy about. If you don't enjoy working and you don't have to why would you? If your partner is happy and feels that you're contributing to the joint happiness in whatever way, what on earth is the problem?

This bullshit about the only fulfilling life to life is one where someone hands you some cash in return for you doing their bidding for most of your waking hours is just such a bloody farce. I'm a solicitor and I hate it, what a way to spend your one existence.

Totally agree with midsumma that there is little point in comparisons between mums because everyone just does what seems best in whatever circumstances they find themselves in.
Its great if you have a husband or partner who works reasonably predictable hours and you can work around that. A pp said she is amazed at the number of women who have "snagged" wealthy men. The reality is that these "wealthy men", (unless it's family money or something) are often ridiculously driven workaholics or, at the very least, work well above and beyond what most people would consider "normal". This obviously has its pros and cons - the main con being that the wife can't really rely on them for childcare, house-related stuff or general flexibility, especially as they may be overseas or elsewhere a lot of the time. This has been my experience really. We have 4 children under 13 and I've not worked since the first was born. Many of my friends are in similar positions. No regrets really - it is what it is. I'm know where I stand financially though and fortunately, that's not a concern.

Bit rude OP to those who have taken the trouble to answer you.

You don't sound very convincing whatever the purpose of starting this thread was.

A friends Mum did this. Intelligent but, lazy woman. SAHM forever, got humpy when her DH suggested she worked after my friend & his sister finished Uni, took exception to this & they argued like cat & dog. He'd propped her up for years & eventually got resentful. He eventually left & married someone else & she now has to work in B&Q but, is still very bitter. The children barely speak to her

MyKingdom - absolutely!

I've worked on and off before and in between having dcs. I enjoyed my jobs but never really had or desired a 'career'.

DH has his own business. It is very successful and he loves what he does even though the hours are long, he often has to deal with issues in the small hours and is never really off call.

I'm now a sahm, youngest is last year primary. I do the house stuff, bills, running dcs around. Older dcs often need help with school, work and uni issues which I can deal with quickly and easily.

If I had a job DH wouldn't be able to give the business the attention it needs. He is fully aware of this and sees the business' success as 'ours'. I often help him out with market research, wording tricky emails, book keeping etc.

I'm always busy. I'm doing OU because I have a need to keep learning. Our dcs have the benefit of a parent on call. Our parents and aunts/uncles are ageing and I can see they will need help before too long. I'm also kind of looking forward to grandparenthood. We had very little help when I our dcs were young, I'd love to be a support to ours when they become parents.

Bringing value to a family isn't just about bringing money in.