Ok, this is my question...if you know anyone who has never really worked? All her life being SAHM and even now when children at uni...

[btfly2]

This lady is the only case I knew. Please enlighten me with your stories!

Yes, YABU to post a question without setting up/inventing a proper scenario first. Lazy.

Me! I stayed at home with my kids and childminded till they were all at secondary school.
I then did some waitressing at weddings at the weekends through secondary and uni years.
Trained as a doula in my 40's and maybe at births 1/2 days a month.
No pension of my own. no money of my own but kept women.
No regrets!

Sorry if I didn't explain myself properly. I feel people constantly ask what do you do apart from raising the kids and many times I feel like saying I'm going to give up my pt job and retire at 40! As a family we could easily afford that but for some reason I feel guilty...I think I have to learn to enjoy life but I care too much what other people say /think. Actually I would love to be SAHM only forever( even with the children at uni :)

I was predominantly a SAHM for over 20 years (Odd bits of P/T work when the family budget needed a boost). MY DDs are grown up now so my nest is mostly empty. Theoretically I could now return to f/t work but I DON'T WANT TO.

I have retrained as a psychotherapist and do some voluntary hours for a charity counselling people who can't afford to go private.I don't want to take paid work in that field as it inevitably means taking on admin type duties as well as the clinical work and being tied to a office holiday schedule. This way I get to work with clients (something I am passionate about) but can also fit in longish breaks around their needs to allow me to travel/go to films and plays/watch tv/exercise/ read/visit friends and family and generally enjoy life while I still am still fit(ish) and young(ish). I also volunteer for a homeless shelter 2 months of the year washing bedding and cooking meals and I support a couple of other local charities on an ad hoc basis.

I am aware this is a position of immense privilege and I am very fortunate indeed that my DH both earns enough for me to do this and is happy to support this life style for me. He loves his job, he has been in the same industry since he left school and hopes never to retire but to carry on until he is carried out in a box!. I am aware of the potential pitfalls of being financially dependent on another and our finances are arranged in ways that mean I would not be destitute if he left me (which I sincerely hope he never does because I love him and we have a long shared history).

I am aware that some people will judge me for not contributing, but I gave up a lot to be the best possible SAHM I could be and I love my lifestyle now. If it all went tits up tomorrow, of course I would find paid employment in whatever field would take me on, but for now I am enjoying my freedom.

I think it depends on the circles you mix with. Until dS started school I only really knew one who hasn't worked for past 15 years and has an 11 year old. Her husband is a co worker and it's pretty obvious she is having an affair and he says he is only staying due to knowing he will not get to see his son as much and will have to pay so much maintenance and lose the house to her. I've known a few change jobs and quite a few go part time. But when my DS Started school every other mother seemed to be sahm and one sahd. One friend tried to give up as her DH worked away with work but within a year she was working a couple of days a week and set up her own business after 6months. Most women I know like their financial independence too much.

I have been a SAHM for most of my life, although I did spend a few years working part time, (one year fulltime) which was the hardest thing ever! My children are all grown up now and I am in my 40s (I had them very young) BUT, I now have ill health, so will never work again. I just couldnt manage it, even part time. I do look at jobs but cannot even get an interview. I left my last job nearly 3 years ago as I needed to reduce hours but they wouldn't.

I am lucky in that my DH earns a good wage but I do worry about the future, retirement, and when he has to give up work.

I spend my days doing housework, making sure the household runs properly and making a decent evening meal for him when he gets in . I do all my housework in the morning, and attend any appointments, and then in the afternoon, I watch a film as I need to rest. I wouldnt say it is boring but can be lonely at times.

I have a few friends like that, who barely finished uni before getting married and stayed at home. Their husband are doing extremely well, so they simply didn't need to work. I envy them: they go to the gym, study, and a couple do a bit of volunteering work because the kids are older. If you can afford it, it's a brilliant life. Not everybody has a dream career, many people go to work only to earn some money, they don't actually love their job. If nothing else, no housework or boring stuff needs to be done at the weekend, which are a real family time. If you can spend the weekend with your kids and husband instead of catching up on housework, paperwork and errands, why wouldn't you.

I can't tell you about their retirement, because their husband are still working, but I would imagine they will keep the same life, or start travelling more when their husband has more time? If I could afford it, I would not go to work!

yes I know women like this and they are all very happy and content with their lot.

I've had to give up my career due to childcare issues and now work in a minimum wage job that fits round the family.....but I hate it and if dh earned enough I'd gladly chuck it in and would hope to be as happy as these friends!

dont let anyone tell you how to live op, having a mum at home all the time is old fashioned to some and a godsend to others, name -ably your family

Then do what you want to do OP, what is your problem?
I'm sure many women would like to be in your position and have the choice not to work.
You are right you should enjoy your life.
The old saying goes "Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think"

Yes mail journo. I know some women like this. Would you like tales of feckless single mums on bennies, or is this more a piece about that damn liberal elite where the mums do pilates and force feed their kids quinoa? Please let me know in advance so I can come up with some shit that didn't happen tales for your readers to froth over.

ah worra, just seen your post, am annoyed now at the op

in the afternoon, I watch a film as I need to rest

I am sorry if it's true, but that made me laugh too much.

What about stay at home dads who never return to work?

Sil hasn't had a job since she had her dc's and she is now coming up to retirement age. I expect she will be doing pretty much the same as she is now and a birthday won't change anything.

My MIL was a SAHM her entire life. Sadly she never got to enjoy her retirement with FIL as she passed away at 60. She did basically all the house stuff, cleaning, washing, cooking, shopping etc and once her kids were older she looked after her grandkids. I think it's lovely for kids to always come home to a parent if it's possible. I imagine it's also lovely as a working parent to come home and have no chores and your dinner ready for you.

My mum and grandma both worked however and my grandma was the odd one back then though as most women didn't work.

Never really worked? Never really worked?

Go and read your social history.

Jeez.

Also there are plenty of women who could be stay at home parents but want to work and have very successful careers, my mum being one example. If the circumstances are right for any family then they should do what works for them. There's no reason men can't become stay at home dads either, especially with women in their 20s now out earning men.

I think it's lovely for kids to always come home to a parent I'm sure this wasn't meant badly but this kind of sentiment gets to me. My parents both work full time and are great parents. I hugely appreciate all they do for me and that includes working. They have never been anything but always supportive and there for my brothers and I. Doesn't matter at all they're not there when I get home. Most of my friends' parents are at work when they get home too and are all doing well.

southofmaui, that quote was from a poster who said she had ill health

SouthofMaui Mon 28-Nov-16 12:01:21

I am sorry if it's true, but that made me laugh too much.

You missed the line where she said she had ill health So no, not funny at all.

X-post, sorry.

My mum gave up work when she had me (she was 20) she is 61 now, I can't imagine she will be looking for a job anytime soon! Most of her friends stopped working when they had kids and never went back, it's not that unusual for that age group

dingdongdigeridoo Who pissed on your chips this morning?

I don't work but am technically able to as we don't have children. I don't feel guilty at all - me being home means I can let DP rest on his rare days off instead of getting him to muck in on housework etc, and we save a lot of money on decorators etc as I have the time to do it myself without losing limited free time on a weekend. I also get to go and visit elderly relatives who normally would go all week without seeing anyone as everyone is in work.

Yes. Me. Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough . I've heard it all and give not a single fuck about the bosom hoiking opinions of women (it's ALWAYS women) who know fuck all about my life.

I've read plenty of criticism of mothers who work, even on here only this weekend. Always mothers, never fathers...