AIBU to use childcare while being a SAHM?

[SwimmerLakes]

Hi... I actually have no idea if I'm being U or not!

My baby girl is a year and 2 months. I'm a SAHM - well, kind of - I am part-time. I do 2 night shifts a week. Which I admit DH does have her, but she's asleep... I bath her and put her to bed before I go to work (which I'm more than happy doing).

I have her all the other time which of course is lovely. So I look after her when DH is at work so kind of SAHM. I feel lucky to be able to do this.

I do 3 classes a week (singing lessons, piano lessons and karate) in which my mum looks after her for. I also go to the gym but that's when she is in bed and I do that the evenings I'm not working.

AIBU to let my mum look after her for those classes I do? DH thinks I am because I'm a SAHM and shouldn't really do the classes as they get in the way of my 'job' my mum loves looking after her for the hour and really enjoys spending that fun with her on her own.

I don't know what to do. I feel guilty now for still doing the classes, as he is right, he's supporting me too with money as he has a much bigger income. I obviously have a small income too but that doesn't go that far. I feel bad

So he can do whatever he likes as long as it's between 6pm and 8pm?

You realize this means that any regular activity is going to be nigh on impossible unless the times precisely line up (unlikely)?

Or he could alternate with you after 8pm?
Which means any weekly activity at that time is out.

Have you had a chat about how DH might like to spend his leisure time if it wasn't spent working around you? If he's happy sitting at home watching tv then great, otherwise I do think you should be a little bit more flexible!

Why is between 6 and 8 a problem? He could go out for a run or cycling or anything like that. There's probably classes at gyms he could go to, or evening classes during that time. He could do a hobby that could be done at home. But he says he's happy to just watch tv, so it isn't really an issue anyway.

Speak it's no problem at all if he wants to go for a run or a cycle that can be done at any time. If he, say, wants to go a martial arts class with fixed times, it's likely to be too restrictive.

My DS does karate for 2 hours on Thursday and 2 hours on Friday. I'd like to do an exercise class while he is there, but there isn't a single class in my town (and I've looked at a lot) where the timings would allow me to fit it in.

OP, on the other hand, has chosen exactly when she wants to do her activities and expects him to work round her. Why, for example, does she has to go the gym at 8pm? Why couldn't she go earlier or later?

Maybe her husband could arrange for a member of his family to come and babysit so that he can attend a class if it doesn't fit into those times. Plus he has said he just wants to watch TV, so it's not even an issue for him anyway!

I go to the gym at that time and not earlier because I wait so I put her to bed and go then... I am happy to go at an earlier time then, so he can put her to bed? He wouldn't do that! He has said he wants to watch the TV

Also I do my classes when he is at work I drop DD off at my mum's... Oh he can do anything he likes at the weekend too - as he finds family days out 'boring' so refuses to come to those

He sounds like a dick, why are you putting up with it?

Family days are boring! Blimey. It sounds like he has checked out of most of the parenting of your DD. Why on earth wouldn't he want to spend time with her at the weekends? He should be cherishing that time with her. Will he interact with her if you stay at home on the weekend?

tell him to fuck off, it's your lunch break....

YANBU! its important to take time to do things for yourself, it can be quite isolating being a SAHM so its essential for mental health to take care of yourself. Three hours a week with grandma is more than fine!

I stay home but DD has been going to daycare for six hours a day since she turned 3.5 because she gets much more out of that than just being with me all day.

A poster on here recently who had a SAHD and also employed a nanny was told that her partner was a waste of space. The double standards on mumsnet are incredible. That's not a comment on you, OP, just how things are seen differently depending on the gender of the SAHP.

golf if there is a class the OH wants to do at a specific time surely he should raise that with the OP and they could work out together how to fit it in? That would be a better solution than insisting she gives up her own classes so they can both feel equally hard done by.

It's not double standards fgs, it is different posters with different opinions! I didn't see that other thread so have no idea if your description of it is true. Plus, it's nothing like the same scenario as having a full time nanny whilst being a SAHP. The OP has 3 hours a week where her mum looks after the DD whilst she does her classes. And she works 24 hrs a week too!

Point proven!

harsh how are those situations comparable? OP is not a sahp, she works, and she's doesn't have a nanny. She goes to classes for 3 hours a week while her kid enjoys time with a willing gp.

OP your husband is being an arse and the more you post the more unreasonable he sounds. Enjoy your classes, say thank you to your mum, and ignore your dh. You sound like you're doing a great job.

Wow. That last message has my blood boiling. What a prick.

OP, does your DH have a problem with your mum?

The last message from your DH makes it sound like he has an issue with your mum, not with childcare. Have they fallen out or something?

Or if he's happy with you going to the gym, then what does he suggest your daughter do whilst you are there? That man is confusing.

I read that message differently- my DH finds it hard to understand why anyone wouldn't want to spend every second with their kids- because he'd love it. He doesn't appreciate most people don't live like him

No, my mum doesn't have her when she is at the gym. I was just showing the other poster it isn't because I go to the gym.

I don't understand why he would have an issue with my mum? He just thinks that I should be 'being a mum' and he says this when I bring it up.

I thought you meant a couple of full days at nursery (which is still not unreasonable) not 3 fucking hours a week!
Start going to they gym earlier. If he moans, tell him you do t understand what the problem is as he is there to look after her. What a colossal twat.

Ask him why he isn't being a dad at weekends when he could be engaging with his DD?

He doesn't seem to enjoy 'being a dad' though does he?! And you can still enjoy being a mum without doing it all the time. He sounds very odd to be honest.

my DH finds it hard to understand why anyone wouldn't want to spend every second with their kids- because he'd love it Yes but OP's DH does not want to spend any time with the DD. It's boring.

Tell your 'D'H to fuck off.