About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

It is a pretty long thread by now.

That's an AIBU in itself - AIBU to expect people to RTFT before commenting?!

I think yabu. Fair enough if you don't want your partner there but there are women who do. And they're probably in awe of their beautiful new child and wonderful wife to be bothered about you and what you're doing. I had an elcs late afternoon needed my DH there overnight. I couldn't feel my legs so couldn't walk, couldn't turn over in bed, was catheterised so was basically stuck sat up in bed. Whenever DD woke I was unable to get her out the cot and needed DH there. Sometimes she needed a feed which was my remit but others she just wanted a cuddle so it gave them bonding time and let me carry on sleeping. The rate she was crying-i couldn't have kept calling the ward staff to pick her up for me and they were so busy it would have been a while to wait each time. DH was invaluable and it was a special time. Another woman had her DP on the ward too. It didn't bother me at all. He was the last thing on my mind.

If that was at me I read the points for and against fathers on the ward

I'd rather be fucking stupid then a fucking rude cunt

Unborn I was completely incapacitated by my c-section for a few days. I had a severe infection, a uterine tear, signicificant blood loss (haemoglobin went from a thankfully exuburant 14.5 to 6.6 over 48hours) followed by ongoing sepsis. And because my DD became very distressed while my spinal was being placed I had a GA with a resultant high block- I was unable to breathe for several hours after coming round and unable to move my legs for well over a day.

I've worked in hospitals for years. Generally when patients leave high dependency they have extra obs and are expected to need more care in a medical/surgical ward. Apparently not so in maternity.

If you don't want to be around other parents, get a private room or have a home birth
So you are basically saying one woman's DP takes priority over a woman who cannot have a home birth and cannot afford to go private??

Thanks Rine tbh I don't really know many people who's had sections so I've never heard horror story's. Both mine were emergency's so I never really did any research.

I'm sorry you went through all that and anyone else who's had a shit time of it.

I do stand by my opinion that I can understand both points of view. Which isn't very constructive.

No safety checks are made at all Tootsie
That was my point!!

In every other situation involving even being near other people's kids you need to be DBS checked, so why is this any different??

I had my catheter in until the following day, and it wasn't until after it was out that they got me up out of bed.

"After a section they make you get up. I was walking around late afternoon after a morning section and would have been happy to go home the next day but couldnt until the day after due to baby feeding issues. I have had 2 sections."

I was well enough to be walking around quickly too and discharged at 24hrs, but a friend had an EMCS and the epidural had gone in too far (I can't remember the proper term) and she was feeling very unwell. The staff were really hectoring her and it took a lot of persuading to get her properly examined which then subsequently revealed that she wasn't just being lazy and precious as they were inferring.

It does seem to be a reoccurring theme that women are being treated as an inconvenience to the postnatal wards. The only good care experience I had was with my semi-elective CS when I was the only delivery they'd had all day, and the wards were really quiet. And by good care, I mean they offered food and drink when I go to the ward (never had that before), pain relief without delay, when I said I wanted to shower they looked after my baby, when I went to pick a bag off the floor the MW insisted she do it, noticed I was up changing my baby when he was sick and took over as she wanted me to rest.

I wanted DH there both times. The thought of being separated on that day when I needed him most, completely terrified me. I signed myself off both times so I could go home with him. I thought it was unreasonable to not have a foldable bed for DH to sleep in

I'm a midwife on a postnatal ward and elective c-sections are absolutely expected to go home the next day. More and more emergency ones are too. I've had one go home after a few hours (self discharge) but she turned up again later that day as she couldn't cope.

Partners stay on the ward because this is what women want. We've done surveys on this and the majority have said they want them there. Sadly for some the majority win. We do have a period of a couple of hours where no visitors are allowed but do people abide by it? Do they heck. They won't bloody leave and some of the abuse we get from people for asking them to go is astonishing. It's not just from partners either, it's mums, sisters, friends etc. Whole troops of people turn up when it's supposed to be 2 at a time. I ignore it more these days because of the arsey responses I get and I'm too busy to keep arguing with people.

From a staff perspective, partners are useful for helping with basic baby care but a lot of the time they're a pain in the arse. Having to ask them please not to sleep in a hospital bed that's meant for patients, please don't walk around in just your pants (sadly a true story) etc. etc. Having said that, I think they're often needed for emotional support so they're invaluable in that sense.

This is why I think postnatal should be reclassified as medical and not midwife led care. Recovery from surgery needs proper staffing where being cared for is standard and what the staff expect to do. When dh had abdominal surgery he was fed, watered, given prompt and effective pain relief etc with a smile not a huff about being a precious princess. I doubt there are any patients on a postnatal ward in the country where either mum or baby do not require proper medical care. Everyone else was kicked out after their tea and toast!

I had a section on Friday at 1pm and was sent home Saturday late afternoon. Partners could stay on the ward but none actually did - because although permitted to stay the hospital made it clear they could not provide beds, shower facilities etc. Don't think I saw a single bloke "sleeping over". My DH certainly didn't - I needed him home and rested to look after our DS.

If there is one thing wecan hopefully all agree on is that hospitals should let you have the curtains closed around you on postnatal wards.

Between doing loads of skin-to-skin, desperately trying to get DS to feed and slowly painfully hand-expressing colostrum, I barely had my breasts covered - if I had been forced to do that on public view it would have been hell.

I thought it was unreasonable to not have a foldable bed for DH to sleep in
I actually think that you are being unreasonable to expect the hospital and staff that are already stretched to provide your husband with sleeping facilities.

Golden I wouldn't have cared if DH slept in my bed as I couldn't get into it. I was in so much pain (due to the infection that wasn't being treated and for some reason the reluctance to give me painkillers, I didnt even get paracetamol my first night out of HDU) that I was only somewhat confortable upright. If he had been there he could at least have held DD for me. And given me water.

unborn

It wasnt aimed at you...i don't think so anyway

I am happy for some people to say that they love the idea of men on the wards

I am happy for some people to say that they lllooooaaattthhheee the idea of men in the ward

But i hate it when people obviously have not read anybody elses points

temporary

I wouldnt mind, i even said that i hadnt read the thread....but i

A) said i hadnt read it

And

B) didnt say anything like "has this ever happened to anybody " or "you will not be allowed out after a cs for a few days"

Thats a good idea handbag

I have seen that mentioned a few times by posters

When dh had abdominal surgery he was fed, watered, given prompt and effective pain relief etc with a smile not a huff about being a precious princess
Why is it that having abdominal surgery and only having to worry about getting better is considered to be more deserving of care than having a CS, having to worry about getting better and caring for a newborn baby??

Loving that idea Handbag, It would make much more sense and very true. I may have stayed in longer if that was the case & not ended up back in 2 weeks later for more surgery!

Exactly persian he got opiates after keyhole surgery, I got paracetamol after emcs. It's barbaric how women and babies are expected to suck up crap when elsewhere in the hospital it's all cups of tea and hot and cold running morphine. Depending on how gynaecology is, if it's the same it's sexism and misogyny or if gynae is like other wards then it's because postnatal is midwife led. Women and babies deserve better and as I'm due in next month I've everything crossed that my pct have sorted it out.

My hospital had no visitors between 9pm and 9am. I would have been happy with this, but a complete lack of nursing care actually made it difficult for me to cope without dp. After my emcs and when we were in recovery it was about 4 am and he went home. I was left without any further attention until he came back in late afternoon, for example I was given nothing to eat or drink and was too weak to help myself to the jug of water. Breakfast was cleared away at 8.30, so once dp was allowed back in the morning there was nothing except toast for me to eat as I wasn't t able to go to the dining room. My blood pressure crashes after any sort of anaesthetic and I take a long time to recover but I received no help from the nurses, even being told to take the wound dressing off myself. I think that ideally wards would be places of peace and quiet, with limited visiting hours even for partners but if there is no nursing care you do need somebody there to help.

Women and babies deserve better
Absolutely.

As I'm due in next month I've everything crossed that my pct have sorted it out
I hope that everything goes well for you, take care and good luck.

YANBU
There should be set visiting hours - - perhaps 2hrs am and 2 pm is enough.
I've had 4 c- sections and my time with my babies was spoiled by noisy partners strutting around and shouting. I hated having to get up with strange men around and me shuffling around worrying about blood stains and exposed breasts and cathertars - mums and babies need stress free bonding time and rest. Some women had the whole family round for hours and I was hiding behind the curtain wishing they'd F off so I could sleep or open the curtains.
Ruined all of my precious bonding time as I was so stressed.
Totally agree YANBU