About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

I have just checked our local hospital's policy on private rooms and it says that if you've had a c section or complex birth they'll put you in a bay first and then you can request (and pay £125 a night) for a private room if there is one free when you are well enough, so it's not as simple as paying for a side room for everyone.

'Lots of comments about "mothers and their baby"... but it's not just her baby, is it? Why should fathers be ejected from the ward on which their son or daughter is being cared for? Mothers are only half (and in some cases less!) of the reason for the ward existing'

Because the mother and baby are the patients. They are the ones being cared for by the hospital.

I disliked having partners there. It's degrading and you don't know them - I had to come out of the shower in just a towel and walk past them every day, for example.

When DD was there and I was helpless, I found that ten times worse. It would have been utterly traumatic without my partner to help. It made me rethink my earlier "send all these twats home" stance. I was sore, scared and couldn't physically reach my baby, and I knew she needed a parent. That outweighed my concerns for myself personally. It's not everyone's viewpoint, so how do you get to a situation where everyone can tolerate it?

Yes, and the father is a carer of the baby.

I've had the curtain thing too - on a children's ward where I was staying overnight, didn't have PJs and the only other people in the bay were a 6 month old baby and his dad. They insisted they needed the curtains open for observations.

Irony was we were the very end bay, and weren't checked on once during the night except when they were coming over to do full observations (i.e. blood pressure, temp etc) so it wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference if the curtains were closed.

I had a planned c- section for twins and not only did I was my husband there - but he ignored visiting hours.....he used to stay until midnight if I needed him. I had terrible time in the hospital afterwards- total lack of care and attention - food which was inedible and absolutely needed and wanted my husband there to support me - to demand attention from midwives when they took 45 mins to answer the bell - change nappies and fetch food I could actually eat. I wanted privacy and refused to pull back the curtains around my bed - and though they tried to make me - they gave up in the end. YABU- you may not want your OH there but other women might and if you're in a public ward you have to accept that - plus remember these men have just become dad's also and may very well want to spend time with their new born- surprised your OH would even agree to not being there in the first place - my hubby loved every minute of being with our 2 babes. Anyway the first few days after the c- section are so hard that you forget all about privacy - you just need support - even to walk those first few steps & there is no question of coming home the day after....... if you want privacy and no men around go private.......

Yes, that's true, but overall, privacy and safety are more important.

Fathers can be ejected because they are not a patient.

I wanted privacy and refused to pull back the curtains around my bed

if you want privacy and no men around go private.......

nerr, that's not always true. Sometimes a woman will be kept in hospital due to her needs when her newborn is ready to be discharged. The woman is the patient but I doubt anyone would suggest the baby should be sent home as he or she isn't receiving medical care in hospital.

even to walk those first few steps & there is no question of coming home the day after.......

Is this actually true? I've had 4 (2 sections) and I have never seen any one struggle this much. I'm not being sarky I'm genuinely curious.

Busydays - it's not as easy as saying 'go private'. It's not an option for the vast majority of the UK population who don't have private maternity facilities anywhere near them.

What happens to the women who cannot have someone with her and is bleeding? She'll possibly die due to lack of hcp. Some women having a supportive partner to help in this climate means some women and babies will have no help because there is no will to pay for extra hcp if you can get some people to do it for free.

And if some women and babies die because they don't have a partner or dad to help or from self discharging too early to get away from strange men then so what? Should've had more family help or paid for a private room.

Understaffing is criminal. If it is taken seriously and rectified and then a sensible solution can be found so that some women can have male partners there without impActing on other women then that would be a different kettle of fish. As it is, its not right in one of the richest countries in the world.

'if you want privacy and no men around go private.'

Bloody hell. Privacy should be one the the very basics expected from NHS care.

I think it varies from hospital to hospital. I was at one where the curtains were always open & another where we could have them shut. The wards were very different sizes though. The one with the open curtain policy was much wider and space between the beds. Personally I've always found the noise to be manic with visitors, can't imagine what it would it be like at night to have all those extra people on the ward. I always get out quick sharp , probably a bit too quick due to the noise and lack of rest. With my last (and it is the last) I was a lot older and probably a bit more bolshy (the long labour and surgery didn't help). The noisy, loud and bloody annoying male visitor in the bay next to mine kept shoving his chair into my curtain shifting my bed - may have made a younger me not want to get out of bed. This time I was a bit more up yours - I will be going to the toilet even with blood all over my nighty (post partum haemorrhage it was a bit messy), I needed to go and it was busy! I couldn't wait for him to bugger off he was there all all all day! They may not have appreciated the view & he drew their curtains after that and moved to the other side. Grim yes, but it's a recovery ward not a hotel, and other people are recovering as well.

There are no private maternity facilities near me - AFAIK there's none in Scotland although that might have changed. So private is out, whichever way you argue it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2515251-To-think-the-WEP-should-not-be-campaigning-for-men-to-be-allowed-to-stay-overnight-on-postnatal-wards

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole of this thread but here's my two pence worth anyway.

I had to stay on the post labour ward for a whole week after having my ds (he was under weight, had no choice). I had a third degree tear so had surgery catheter etc my iron levels were half what they should have been, I was trying to breast feed with no idea what I was doing and sleep deprived. I ended up having a blood transfusion and I remember having it trying to feed at the same time, I just felt terrible. I had no family of my own living near by, just my dp and his family. I remember when my milk came in and my hormones went mental, I was literally crying my eyes out and I couldn't go home.

None of the ward staff were particularly helpful, I felt like a burden to them and hated having to push the button for assistance because they were so arsey. I would be watching the clock for hours until my dp would arrive at the hospital, I would cry when he had to leave (even after being there from10 to 10).

Some people need their partners there, I certainly needed mine.

And so did I, but care should be provided by health professionals, and visitors not present overnight, for others' privacy and safety.

Unborn I struggled a fair bit after my c section but I did have a PPH and was poked and prodded quite a lot. I was in 4 nights I think. I was able to do the care for my baby, I pulled the cot right over to the side of my bed so I didn't need to get out of bed at night to feed/ change her and managed that way.

Partners should not be there to replace care from nurses overnight.

Bloody hell Nerr that sounds horrendous. I genuinely had no idea. I think I've been lucky and haven't realised. I found a natural delivery harder to recover from.

Unborn - yes, my friend was immobile for days after an EMCS, she was in a really bad way for about 6 weeks. All fine now but her child is an only child because she simply can't face that again.

She was v unlucky though, compared to me and my other c section friends.

God why are people are unable to read the thread...or are fucking stupid

Why!!!!!

I have no problem with people saying men should stay on wards or men should not stay on wards that is their opinion (one of them is wrong obvs )

But why cant people read

After a section they make you get up. I was walking around late afternoon after a morning section and would have been happy to go home the next day but couldnt until the day after due to baby feeding issues. I have had 2 sections.