About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

If there'd only been 2, 2 hour visiting times in my hospital that would have been the only times DD got fed or changed all day.

Persian- I think that the honest truth is that only women require post-natal care, men obviously never need it.

We see so many posts on MN which show how some people don't view a woman giving birth as a patient with her own medical needs- to them, she is simply a living incubator, and the rights of the father to spend as much time as he chooses, wherever he chooses , with his baby trump the rights and medical requirements of any other women and babies on the ward.

How many times have we read that pregnancy is not an illness/ giving birth doesn't make you special, despite the fact that even nowadays there are grave risks associated with pregnancy and childbirth for many women?

We have a government which will probably end up privatising the NHS-the Health Secretary is unashamed in announcing his desire for privatisation. The current and predicted financial cliff-edge that the UK faces could make it very easy for them to just declare the NHS untenable. And in the meantime, they will continue to defund hospital services.

In the eyes of those funding the NHS, it costs money to provide adequate midwifery and nursing care, and that isn't something they're willing to do. However, as far as they are concerned, there is no cost incurred in forcing women and newborns to sleep in a room with half a dozen strange men. It costs the hospital nothing if a post-partum woman can't use a bathroom because there's a man shooting up heroin in there, or if a newborn baby is threatened by an abusive man because it won't stop crying, or if a breastfeeding mother is ordered to put her tits away. It costs the hospital nothing to deal with these aggressive men because they don't ; the HCPs above have said that they don't have time to deal with people who are threatening and breaking the rules, so they don't.Women's dignity, safety ,and right to privacy are of literally no monetary value as they are not performance targets, therefore the intimidation of vulnerable women and newborns is seen as the price which must be paid .

Rufus I do feel a bit thick and I slightly hijacked. First time parents maybe wouldn't know the gory details but I've had four

It's sad that there is actually a debate to be had in 2016 and I feel for both sides.

Inertia
I think that you have absolutely nailed it there and TBH what you have said makes me feel sad because it is so true.

Thanks persian :)

I am so glad that I've finished having babies. I would absolutely hate there to be men staying overnight. Bad enough having them around for twelve hours. Serious inhibitors to successful breastfeeding.

I would have loved my DP to stay with me the first night. My DD and I almost died due to sepsis during labour and he was sent home 3 hrs after she was born.

I woke up to a man and woman the other side of the curtain discussing his wife's c-section and how she'd be arriving back to the ward soon and to find my DD gone! The nurse on the ward lifted her as she was stirring and wanted me to sleep and that it was appropriate to let the other nurses have a hold as she was "so cute". Had my DP been allowed to stay this would not have happened!

Should also add this was in Jan this year. The hospital that I gave birth in was on the national news last week as they being investigated due to serious failures which have lead to baby & mother deaths!

Oh god missmouse which one? Nm or o?

The nurse on the ward lifted her as she was stirring and wanted me to sleep and that it was appropriate to let the other nurses have a hold as she was "so cute". Had my DP been allowed to stay this would not have happened!
So in order to let you sleep a nurse picked up your baby, sorry for my ignorance but what was wrong with that??

unborn

Spot on inertia

I am bit confused as well persian

Tbh. I am that more people on this thread don't think YABU. I was absolutely gutted that my partner had to go home after our son was born and so was he, and on Christmas day with no transport it wasn't easy.

I think if you woke up and suddenly spotted your baby gone, most people would panic.

It's one thing for a nurse to offer, it's another to just take

Where I think miss had her baby no one is to take a baby from a mother without asking her first. It's all alarmed up to the eyeballs anyway in case of abduction but even so... I seem to remember someone taking ds for a bit to give me a rest but they asked me first. Hopefully that's not changed for the worse in the last few years.

I think if you woke up and suddenly spotted your baby gone, most people would panic
I am not sure how these things work nowadays as my DS is 17 but to me giving birth seems like a completely different situation than what it was back then with women and babies getting discharged in 24 hours, men sleeping on maternity wards and nurses not being expected to pick up crying babies when their mothers are asleep.

I agree with others that CS etc should be treated as major surgery. My partner has just had a hernia op - the care he received was 100% better than the care I received after a Cs. He wasn't told by an agency nurse, 5 hours after his op to get his own drinking water like I was. He also had decent pain relief - I didn't get any as they kept forgetting and I was too poorly - pre-eclampsia - to complain. My time in hospital was appalling compared to his.

Fair enough soubriquet

At the hospital i was in they did say in advance that babies could be taken to the nursery or for walkabouts

One night a nurse took dd and the 2nd night when i asked they wouldnt take her...i was most put out

And before someone has a pop i am only joking about the "put out" bit...

Oh i see handbag

That makes sense, different hospitals with different rules

Our hospital said that you couldnt take babies around the halls without a cot. Dh wanted my parents to see the baby so took him out regardless

Visitors were sent home after my ELCS, I assumed DH would be able to stay but they would not allow him and he was sent home after 10pm. After my lunchtime CS I haemorrhaged, had lost 1.4 litres of blood, DH was present and stayed with the baby when the hospital crash team (including those who did my CS) were buzzed in using the corridor alarms to try and stop me losing consciousness due to the speed of the blood loss.

He was so worried and just wanted to be there with us after everything, and I wanted him there. First night was so hard, I struggled to pick up the baby and couldn't get to the bag on the floor which had her nappy to change her so had to buzz the midwife and wait 15mins. I was on an iron drip and had to take clexane injections which made my arm numb.

So yes YABU, i needed DH there and he wasn't allowed. Our hospital has a policy in place about partners but even if my situation didn't unfold like it did, I wouldn't bat an eyelid if there were partners on the ward, I would just draw the curtains. If there's excessive noise then that would annoy me, but I haven't experienced that. Benefits outweigh the cons

Yeah the hospital I gave birth in didn't tell me anything about taking the babies away for rest and I wasn't allowed to carry my baby either. Had to be pushed in the carry cot until discharged

Luckily mine never left my side

soubriquet

Yeah, the nurse wasnt too pleased with dh

Benefits outweigh the cons
From your point of view, other people don't see it that way.

I am quite surprised that most most posters favour a no to partners staying.
I say this as im a midwife and i get numerous requests for partners to say. (Generally not allowed. Visiting is 12 hrs a day).
Privacy is a biggy with me. Women bf and bleeding. Wearing not many clothes. Yes ur own dp might be great. But othet men?
I work in an area where there are .lots of social issues. Would you want a dodgyb bloke on the ward.
Imo
Some are aggressive. Rude. Unhelpful. Sleep and then 'buzz' staff for help.
And my biggest issue of all is WHY?why do they want to stay and sleep in a chair aĺl night?havent they got other dc or pets to go home to?they have the next twenty yrs with the baby. Just go home!