About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

I've had 3 sections. Stayed 2 nights with first 2 and just one night with 3rd. Partners weren't allowed all night after a section. But when I had my third there were only 2 of us on the ward. The lady in the other bed had her partner with her all day. They chatted loudly, constantly. My other half couldn't stay as he had to do the school run and stayed at home with them all evening. I didn't have visitors, the lady next door had lots and I found the loud talking irritating. Though visiting hours weren't long. But when they went her husband stayed until about 10pm peace at last. Then at 7am she started phoning people and telling them all about her birth, the emergency c section, how gorgeous her baby etc etc. She had the same conversation with numerous people. It did really annoy me. Then 9am the husband arrived. They continued to talk all day. So I asked if I could go home later that day. My OH came around 2pm and took me home.
So I think if partners are allowed all day, they need to try to respect others. Oh and maybe a ban on chatting loudly on a mobile!! 😉

Sure, if you put it that way - but dozer's way was to try and make her feel like a cunt. Hardly helpful to bulldoze people on such a sensitive topic.

Yes, many of us would love for our partner to be with us, especially when we have low confidence in the care provided for women and newborns, due to experience. But that should not trump other womens' need for safety and privacy at a vulnerable time.

I remember I had to stay 24 hrs in hospital after one of my kids. I did find the constant milling around of people quite hectic & was very glad when they left in the late evening. The nurses & midwives kept opening my curtains & leaving them open for fresh air which pissed me off as I preferred not to have an audience whilst breast feeding & doing other personal things.

I was simply paraphrasing the poster's attitude, of "a curtain was fine for me: what's the problem?"

Perhaps it could have been more politely phrased as "so because 'I'm alright jack' others' needs don't matter'.

You can usually request a room if you've had a section, or just draw the curtains around you. Unlikely you'll be let out before a few days as you can't really lift the baby, sorry.

When I was on the antenatal ward for a few days awaiting DD2 an expectant mother who was admitted and distressed had special permission 16 year old daughter with her overnight.

One night, another woman was admitted in labour: the midwives were busy, no birthing rooms were available, things happened quite fast and she gave birth in a cubicle, having had no pain relief. The midwives ran in just in time, having been fetched by another patient on the ward. It was distressing to hear.

The 16 year old staying over was understandably distraught!

I have seen so many posts on here stating 'partners stayed when I had my baby and it was fine' are completely ignoring the experiences raised by others. Did you read the linked thread with mothers experiences of what happened to them on postnatal wards?

Just because there wasn't an abusive visitor in your bay or you weren't bothered about having visitors sleeping in the same room as you doesn't mean that it's ok for everyone.

If it bothers you that much, I would enquire about paying for a private room.

I wanted to discharge myself the following day - turns out I could hardly move the following day and was in no fit state to even consider going home.

Seriously though, good luck.

I hope your op doesn't get pushed back to late afternoon / early evening, because then when baby starts crying in the middle of the night and you can't physically get up to tend to it , and the ward is so short staffed that they can't come to you, you will wish you partner had stayed.

I haven't read the whole thread yet but what sort of safety checks do the hospital do on the men before allowing them to be in a ward all night with other women and their new babies??

In what other situation would you be expected to sleep in a room with other men and your new born baby??

I left hospital the day after my c section, largely due to this as trying to get even a small bit of sleep with people's partners there was a nightmare. The bed opposite me had her partner stay and they talked ALL night, fairly loudly and by morning I had had enough and told them I was going. However it probably wasn't wise as I was in horrendous pain the next night and shouldn't really have been out of hospital, so be careful!

RTFT.

Private rooms are often not available, and would mean only women who could afford to pay could have safety and privacy.

But you're not listening. It's quite clear from this thread alone that not everyone wants a blanket ban. So you are putting the needs of some above others too. You're just claiming to be morally superior because you're doing it for "all women" whereas they are doing it for themselves. It's not that simple.

I can see how wards wouldn't work because babies just don't come according to where there is space on a ward. But maybe people should be more aware of each hospital's policies when choosing where to have their baby (those who have a choice anyway)?

I found other people partners on the ward a nightmare...one man was staring through the useless curtains all the time, the nurse saw him, and they gave me a private room after two days...
When you've just had a baby, it's awful having a room full of strangers at your most vulnerable.. on an earlier ward where I had to go in for obs...people arrived at 7 am for their elective c sections..and woke me up...nightmarish...husbands whole families and me asleep in pj's. I'd already had a nightmarish experience when I'd had a blood transfusion, as a result of illness, so had been given a private room this time, or I wouldn't agree to come in, but if course was moved out for other cases...so you may love your husband on the ward...but the rest of us don't...

No safety checks are made at all Tootsie.

Thanks Bump

To be fair it was hardly the staffs fault and they were obviously unhappy but apart from sticking me in the staffroom their wasn't a lot they could do.

A lot of hospitals have the choice of a private room.£100.00 per night in our area, but free if available some places, why don't you see if that is an option.

Sorry, MADE more aware. Then a review could be done as to which hospitals are more well used.

In the meantime of course the NHS should be sorted out so this whole debate is academic but I can't see that happening any time soon

My argument is indeed that womens (and babies') safety and privacy on a postnatal ward is more important, and yes more ethical, than others' wish for their partner to assist them and/or provide healthcare.

The curtain thing is odd - they were all closed most of the time on the wards I was on. Does this vary from hospital to hospital then?

And on the flip side, the women who don't want partners are saying "I didn't have my partner to stay, it was fine" are also ignoring the experience of women who are saying that, whatever should have happened, they and their baby weren't fine.

I've had the curtain thing before (not on maternity ward) it does happen.

Lots of comments about "mothers and their baby"... but it's not just her baby, is it? Why should fathers be ejected from the ward on which their son or daughter is being cared for? Mothers are only half (and in some cases less!) of the reason for the ward existing.

If you don't want to be around other parents, get a private room or have a home birth.