About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

Hyacinth
I am sorry if I am not understanding correctly, but from your posts I feel like you don't realize, or don't believe, that some women can't physically look after a newborn after giving birth and that the staff is not helping adequately.

Oh and speaking about respecting other patients, without DH there I can tell you that my newborn twins would have kept the whole ward awake most of the night. Keeping in mind that I couldn't move enough to carry them out of their cot, I could also only feed one at a time.

Yes, Hyacinth. I do think my baby is more important than anything and anyone else. That makes me a mother, not a self-important tool on a website.

You can be a mother without being an antisocial cunt who thinks tgeir own children are more important than other children.

Never mind more important than "anything"

Right, OK. So now being glad that my partner was there to help my baby in the middle of the night when I couldn't do it and the staff weren't able to be there to do it makes me an "anti-social cunt"?! Hahahahaha, only on the internet. Perhaps you think the baby was an anti-social cunt for wanting to be fed and cuddled?

Yes. When you have just given birth, your child is more important than anything. It was not meant to be a guide to life. FFS that should not need to be spelled out!

living

I am interested in what hyacinth may have said to give you that impression of her posts

Can you quote anything ?

(Not having a go i always forget who has quoted what )

Before I had my baby I wanted my mum and mum alone and couldn't stand the thought of having DH with me... during labour and afterwards I wanted him there with me at all times. I hate to say it but I think you're being a bit daft here, you'll need all the help you can get.

I have never heard of this - men are allowed to stay at all times including over night on the maternity ward?! I was lucky to be in and out within a few hours with both babies so I was only ever in the (private) birthing room but I would have hated to be on a ward with random men around at all hours. Ok for visiting hours but not the whole time. This is a very new and vulnerable time for women and they don't need to have additional things to worry about. Men should not sleep over in female wards. This doesn't happen on any other female only wards. There is even less justification for it to happen on a post birth ward. I cannot believe this is NHS policy?

no I wouldn't call anyone an anti social cunt

I had a terrible labour/birth, I couldn't pick up ds I had to wait a long time for help it wasn't adequate at all but then many areas of the nhs are not

but i am not sure my right to want a partner/dh/ there is right under the circumstances all the other women in the ward will be desperately tired, all will be trying to establish feeding they can, all will be feeling vulnerable to some degree and many of us are in physical pain

i absolutely hated staying in hospital and wanted to discharge myself a day earlier than recommended but the nurse did talk me out of it and in the long run that was the best decision

a woman's right to privacy and to feel absolutely safe along with the care for her baby is what is the most important and that is for all on the ward it is unfortunate that they are understaffed but the answer is not having partners or family or friends stay over for support

It is antisocial cuntery to think that only you and your own children matter.

That is your stated position. You claimed it is what makes you a mother.

Well I am a mother, and I never stopped thinking other people mattered.

People who basically only care about themselves will give all kinds of excuses.

But the reality is that you only care about what is best for you, so there is no point in talking to you about matters of policy.

In trying to weigh up what is best for ALL WOMEN post-labour, the fact that you were glad that your husband was there is completely irrelevant.

Well said Doinitfine!!

Yes. Stated in the specific context of the hours after she was born when I was helpless, which is what this thread is all about.

I think that for my DD and other newborn babies. Mothers are desperately important, and the situation shouldn't be as it is. But for as long as it is, I would rather someone who couldn't help their newborn child had help. And I used myself as a reference because that is how I came to understand just how awful you feel when you can't help your baby. I really don't see why that is so hard to understand, but it seems that it is.

You think you are sticking up for ALL WOMEN. Sorry, but you're not. You are simply stating what YOU think is BEST. Which is fine, but it doesn't mean that your views are the only ones that are valid or correct.

My DP was allowed to stay with me in the hospital and we just kept the curtains round and had complete privacy. I don't see the problem.

So you were alright and found curtains sufficient privacy, so fuck all the other new mums?

no one can answer for all women what is best for them

but you can when sharing a ward with other people take their considerations into account

and unless you can pay for a private room non visiting times should apply to all patients so all patients can rest as much as possible (and the staff do not have to concern themselves with who is and who is not on the ward)

Ah, excellent, dozer. Another poster claiming to stick up for all women being shouty and aggressive at someone who dares to have a different opinion on what she wanted for her post natal care? Lovely!

I had a planned section section second time round after complications first time ...
Son was born at 230 and I was discharged at 130 the next day. I wasn't led to believe this was unusual. I was fine. I was of course sensible but I was fine and had a good recovery.

Get over yourselves!!! After my section I needed my husband's help and appreciated that the other mums needed help from their partners. As for not wanting others husband's to see boobs while BF...they are only boobs! Let's try and be adult about it and calm down.

Partners being present 24/7 is not part of "postnatal care".

So you say, dozer. Others see it differently. You can swear at them all you like.

Whilst, you know, trying to make your point about people intimidating new mothers

Another poster claiming to stick up for all women being shouty and aggressive at someone who dares to have a different opinion on what she wanted for her post natal care? Lovely!

That poster wasn't just expressing her opinion on what she wanted, though, was she? She was saying that she was fine, so she doesn't "see the problem" with partners staying over. Despite a thread full of people repeatedly pointing out the problems.

I've had two electives at two diff hospitals. First one the ward was made up of individual en suite rooms and partners were allowed to stay, the second time it was a ward made up of 4 beds and partners were sent home at 8pm.

My husband stayed with me. Three other women in my ward, the husbands/partners stayed too. By the end of our stay it was one crazy orgy!

Paid no attention to them and vice versa.