About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

Here's an alternative view - my DH had to tussle with a midwife to be able to be let out of the ward. It was about 2am and they'd just wheeled me back out of delivery, baby was about 12h old, he tried to get home and she was like...

I eventually discharged myself the next afternoon. After the initial checks and feeding going well there was no reason for me to be there, they just hadn't got round to me, so I left... They were very catsbumface but no one could give me a good reason to stay.

1 out of my 4 needed waking to feed, the rest were all quite easy in the first 24hrs. But I am surprised it is a revelation to you that not everyone has the same newborn experience as you. Maybe it is a locality thing, if there were no unsettled babies on your wards either, as there was a least one unsettled baby on my 3 x postnatal ward stays (no 1 difficult feeder was private room).

I don't want some other man next to me while I'm leaking milk, there was a poor young woman next to me who left a trail of blood to the bathroom. I'm sorry if I sound from another age but some parts of childbirth are women's business

True about intimate examinations. With one of mine, a complicated VB, I stayed on the ward for a couple of days afterwards and was ok with doing so. Care was decent. However, I did refuse VE at one point because they wanted to check me during visiting times, when the ward was really busy, and I just couldn't face it. So many people had spent so much of the last couple of days staring at and touching my fanny, I needed a bit of quiet and privacy if that were to happen again. There were curtains but there were also people in and out of the ward all the time and it wasn't enough to make me feel comfortable and secure showing my genitals to some strangers. The doctor agreed to come back again when visiting had finished, but never did. So I was discharged after an instrumental delivery and small tear without being checked. I'm in no way against visiting times, but it's an example of how lack of privacy on postnatal wards can negatively impact on our care.

But if there is some kind of feedback form, I would say I was unhappy about the overnight partners and the open curtain at all times rule.

It's very different but with DC2, we had to bring our own paracetamol/brufen as this wouldn't be available on the postnatal ward. By the time I had DC3 5 years later this had been abandoned. Presumably it was challenged, or just didn't work out.

It is always going to be a contentious subject I think. But since it takes a man to make a baby, well, I don't see any reason why he can't be there during the day as long as he's not imposing on other people and their preferences

Because postnatal wards aren't there to facilitate bonding between a father and child, they're there to care for the two + patients - mother and baby/babies. Having any man there is imposing on other people as many have pointed out.

'we had to bring our own paracetamol/brufen as this wouldn't be available on the postnatal ward. '

I brought my own when I had my second as I'd had such shite treatment after having DD1 (a forceps delivery). Thankfully I was able to discharge right off delivery suite. With DS I had to stay in due to my BP having seen so high. Again, I'm glad I brought my own pain relief (afterbirth pains) as the 'care' in post natal was non-existent. I checked us out after a night in there.

Can anyone find the original thread in which MNHQ asked for opinions and these horrific stories were told? I think it would help a lot of people see the reasoning behind why men shouldnt stay.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_campaigns/2129215-What-do-you-think-about-spouses-partners-staying-overnight-on-postnatal-wards

Thank you Tea!

Have scanned the other thread quickly, I've taken a bit from it where someone read the following recent threads on MN about how men behaved in postnatal Ward, according to new mums and HCPs -

• making shitty remarks to their partners undermining them and criticising them and making them feel shit at the most vulnerable moment of their lives
• wandering into someone else's bay while they're being examined to ask a question about their partner, with no concept of respecting women's personal boundaries
• demanding a blow job
• demanding the woman get out of bed and into the chair so he can sleep on the bed
• nicking the patient's coffee, tea, breakfast etc.
• talking loudly, disturbing patients
• watching TV, listening to radio etc., loudly, disturbing patients
• staring at women trying to establish breastfeeding, creeping them out
• yelling at HCPs
• assaulting HCP's
• bullying women apart from their partners who have just had babies

These are real stories and there'll be worse than this. What do those in favour of men staying 24/7 propose is done to stop this? You can't tell an abusive/disrespectful/creepy/Pervy person at first glance. Or are women who epxero de this behaviour just collateral damage in it all? Or do people just not care when it's not their DP?

I was out in less than 24 hrs after both sections, entirely possible if you feel ok and have been to the toilet fine

Cherry - I think we prose some kind of compromise. No I don't want anyone to be subjected to that. But I feel like I'm collateral damage of the policy that doesn't allow partners to stay. What do you propose for those women?

*propose

Jesus OP, you don't have to agree with partners staying on the ward (I don't either - the care should be better) but have a bit of empathy for women who find the first 24 - or more - hours after birth hard.

I had a similar experience to Vanilla and it was the worst night of my life: DD1 screamed all night long, I was holding her but couldn't get up as couldn't feel my legs properly after the spinal and had a catheter, was woozy, having problems feeding her (and no formula was allowed), no one came, a healthcare assistant was horrible and told me "you'll never learn to feed her doing that", then put DD into the bed with me at 3am, which 5 hours after a C section was unsafe for DD.

I'd propose wards that are staffed adequately by competent staff. It's because we don't have that that partners are being allowed to spend the night.

I managed perfectly well to pick my baby up and I didn't need my DH there, babies in cots attached to the beds so easily accessible. I had a couple who argued in the cubicle next door and she tried to get him thrown out with much "you're not separating me from my son!" angst and drama from Pater.

I think it should be a woman only space except at assigned visiting hours, if you want Dad there all the time then go private and/or pay for a private room.

Bollocks I had a section at lunchtime.I discharged myself 5 am the next morning.

I brought my own when I had my second as I'd had such shite treatment after having DD1 (a forceps delivery). Thankfully I was able to discharge right off delivery suite. With DS I had to stay in due to my BP having seen so high. Again, I'm glad I brought my own pain relief (afterbirth pains) as the 'care' in post natal was non-existent. I checked us out after a night in there.

I wasn't arguing against own pain relief and was happy to take mine in. It was more an illustration of a trust trying something then going back to the previous system.

It did make me a little uncomfortable that there was a blanket ban on dispensing it, as getting the prescription only pain relief was very, very difficult during that particular stay. The staff were quite eye-rolly and huffy when they read my notes and saw co-codamol had been prescribed post c-section.

'The staff were quite eye-rolly and huffy when they read my notes and saw co-codamol had been prescribed post c-section.'

Major abdominal surgery, and they expected you to have no pain relief or just paracetamol? The mind fucking boggles.

Good tip on the pain relief- when not pregnant I take Tramadol or codeine daily for my abdominal pain so will take a stash in with me.

I'm not trying get to be flippant re finding it easy, I must generally have been lucky to have a baby that slept most of its first 24 hours each time so was a doddle to look after.

ExPat same I think they gave me cocodamol too bully me into staying in.

I took myself to the GP who gave me nefopam and diazepam (bereavement) I think they sometimes don't prescribe tramadol cos it can cause itching. Not ideal with a scar.

But I feel like I'm collateral damage of the policy that doesn't allow partners to stay. What do you propose for those women?

Better maternity care, lobbied for properly, if we use partners to fill this care gap then it will be seen as a solution which it never should be. In with this, a huge call for a culture shift on wards. There too much bad care being delivered, women just aren't seen as that important and the sooner this changes the better

Also, at a cost, private locked rooms for those wishing to have partners overnight.

And partners can already be there for extended hours during the day, I honestly don't see how a sleeping partner is of use to anyone.

Oh and getting to a point where fewer men pose a risk would be necessary too. When that 1 in 4 for DV And 1 in 10 for rape drastically drops then I'll be happy to have the discussion of men in women's spaces

exactly cherry, surely 9-9 is long enough? If it's not and a woman cannot cope without her partner then the onus should be on them to pay for a private room.