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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if your teenagers have part-time jobs? If so, how many hours do they do?

62 replies

wwoonn · 26/11/2016 23:59

My almost 18 year old thinks I'm being too tough on him.

He is doing 5 A-levels which I know is hard, but that's a choice he wanted (wanted to go to grammar school Sixth Form) and I am very proud of him.

He also volunteers at a science museum (wants to go into a science career) once or twice a month.

He has a part-time job too at Sainsbury's. Where he does 12 hours a week.

He says he has no time to see friends, to just relax, etc.

He has asked if he can drop a shift and take up a music lesson, would you let him? He says he'll pay for it, but he says he is a bit too stressed at the moment and would like something fun to focus on too. The thing is, he is free at the weekends. He works 6pm-12 in the week, which is late when he has college but he doesn't mind that. At the weekend he watches Netflix while he goes over school work or does homework, etc. I say that he could use that time to meet friends or take up a hobby and he says that he just needs that time to relax and that he is still doing school work (but is watching Netflix and doing school work, really school work? )

Am I mean mummy? or do lots of your teens have jobs/are busy? like I've told him

OP posts:

MinnowAndTheBear · 27/11/2016 00:08

It should be up to him, surely?

idontlikealdi · 27/11/2016 00:11

5 a levels is a lot, I'd be amazed if he has time to do that, a six hour job (half) and learn an instrument!

littlepeas · 27/11/2016 00:23

Wow, that is a full on schedule! I would let him drop the shift. I worked too much in 6th form, ultimately to the detriment of my a level results.

Spermysextowel · 27/11/2016 00:32

Is his income essential to the family? If not then I'd say it's up to him. If it is then you have to measure up the long term detriment to his goals/earning power.

Megainstant · 27/11/2016 00:49

He is doing 5 a levels? Id drop an a level. Dd is doing 3 and has to do 3 hours a night plus 6 at the weekends.

edwinbear · 27/11/2016 00:53

He sounds like a bright, hard working and responsible young man. I'd let him make that decision for himself.

dovesong · 27/11/2016 01:11

He sounds great. Some people need that time alone to de-stress and relax after the week. I'm a big introvert and I wouldn't have been able to hack that when I was younger because I've always needed time away from people to recharge my batteries. It sounds like he's planning on doing something good and productive with the extra time that will look really good on university applications.

Clandestino · 27/11/2016 01:21

You sound a bit mean, alright. I always had a summer job, starting 15. One month work, one month free.
Never during the school year as my parents wanted me to focus on school and have some me time too. I had a language course twice a week which took priority.
Changed at the university but I was more flexible with my time at that stage.
Let him decide. He sounds very responsible. IMHO, he's got at least 40 years of full-time work ahead of him anyway so give him a bit of space.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/11/2016 01:29

If he doesn't need money from you for lessons why at 18 is he asking your permission?

nooka · 27/11/2016 01:35

My dd is in grade 11 and has a part time job at McDonalds. We just had her reduce her hours available from 25 to 20 and no later than 10pm in the week as it was getting a bit too much. My ds is in his last year of school and is also taking two university courses (local scheme). He does a voluntary job for a few hours a week but we decided that we'd rather have him focus on getting the grades he needs for university so discouraged him from getting a job too.

In the OP's place I'd let him drop a shift and take up an instrument. He's getting the work experience which will be very helpful but if the next step is university for him then I'd encourage him to focus on activities that will get him there.

ThatGingerOne · 27/11/2016 01:40

I worked from age 16 and did 16hours a week along side 5 science/maths A levels and it put me in a really good position tbh. If he plans on going to university, yes the volunteering will look good on his application, however if he is moving away then having a job, I found, was vital and showing my dedication to that job even more so as I was straight into work in the new town I moved to so had a means of earning money - I just had to phone up, explain my time at the job and it was offered to me on the spot without going through the application process every other student did.

Music lessons I wouldn't go for, he won't get much out of it practically in the way he will with working, just try to get him to think ahead a little. Also for what its worth, my parents made me get a job as soon as I left high school, even with college etc to pay my way when I turned 18.

GnomeDePlume · 27/11/2016 07:07

If he is the one to pay for the music lesson, he is the one to do the school work why does he feel he has to get your permission?

If he is in year 13 with 5 A levels to revise for (and IMO 5 A levels is pointless in that any uni offer will be based on 3 A levels, better 3 As than 5 Cs) then he will need to have some proper down time as well as proper study time.

greenfolder · 27/11/2016 07:10

Leave him to it.

GnomeDePlume · 27/11/2016 07:14

Sorry, I didnt answer your question. DD is in y12 doing 4 A levels (but the 4th is Further Maths so not a truly separate subject).

She has just started a job. Her formal hours are one weekend shift so 8 hours per week. In the run up to Christmas she is taking on extra shifts but after Christmas we will be strongly advising her to stick to just the formal shift to allow her time to study and to relax.

Mindtrope · 27/11/2016 07:17

I don't insist on my teenagers working. My DS (19) is at college and works part time in a supermarket.
DD is 16, still at school and teaches dance at her dance school 4 hours on a Saturday- her choice.

Basicbrown · 27/11/2016 07:26

I think 12 hours a week working is quite a lot, 8 hours when I taught was the recommended max per week.

DorothyL · 27/11/2016 07:32

I'm a teacher and think that many students take on too many hours to the detriment of their school work.My dd isn't old enough yet but I think eight hours a week is the maximum.

Sofabitch · 27/11/2016 07:39

5 A levels is pointless he'd be better to drop one A level.

He might be able to transfer his supermarket job when he starts uni. He'll probably be glad of the money then.

So I guess it entirely depends on your financial situation how much you can afford to support him.

Laineylou · 27/11/2016 07:42

My son's college has specified that part time jobs must be less 10 hrs per week. 3 days of 18 hours (college than work) must be hard.

Meadows76 · 27/11/2016 07:49

He is doing 5 a levels? Id drop an a level what?? No way. I would never encourage someone to drop an A level over a part time job!! I am totally in favour of education and just don't see how job at this stage could every be more important than academic achievement.

OP mine is year 11 equivalent and I have insisted she does not get a job because the school/outside interest/social balance simply does not have room for a job as well.

Ultimately though, at 18, I think you have to let the decisions be his. I think you are doing well that he is doing A levels and volunteering and is obviously keen to learn.

Meadows76 · 27/11/2016 07:51

5 A levels is pointless he'd be better to drop one A level.. Can I ask why?

user1471950254 · 27/11/2016 08:02

At 18 I think you should encourage him to make his own decision. When I was his age I worked about 20 hours per week over Thurs night & the weekend (retail job). However many of my friends were offered financial support by their families to not work or cut down on hours in their final year. I'm a great believer in work experience but in an interview/CV no-one will know if he's worked that many hours per week it's what he learned through work!

Perhaps suggest he does what he wants but only pays for the music lessons week to week, meaning if he doesn't enjoy them he can cancel without losing out on money

MrsMozart · 27/11/2016 08:06

His decision not yours OP.

He needs to learn how to manage his life. He can ask for your input for sure, but the decision is his.

BigGreenOlives · 27/11/2016 08:09

There's no point in doing A levels badly. If he isn't likely to get at least 4As he should drop one. The only problem is that he will have submitted his UCAS form stating he is doing 5 A levels and offers will be made on that basis, so the offers may be invalid if he drops to 4 (read up on this). He has the summer after his exams to work flat out for money but only a six/seven months of A levels left.

Artandco · 27/11/2016 08:09

5 alevels is actually the norm for most grammar and private schools. It is beneficial in future if the pupil can cope with that as shows higher commitment compared to 3 alevels

I would drop to one evening work. Presumably a levels will be finished by next June, and they can take a few extra over the summer if needed. Two evenings until midnight also mean bedtime is probably more like 1.30-2am twice a week with early start for school

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