AIBU to ask if your teenagers have part-time jobs? If so, how many hours do they do?

[wwoonn]

My almost 18 year old thinks I'm being too tough on him.

He is doing 5 A-levels which I know is hard, but that's a choice he wanted (wanted to go to grammar school Sixth Form) and I am very proud of him.

He also volunteers at a science museum (wants to go into a science career) once or twice a month.

He has a part-time job too at Sainsbury's. Where he does 12 hours a week.

He says he has no time to see friends, to just relax, etc.

He has asked if he can drop a shift and take up a music lesson, would you let him? He says he'll pay for it, but he says he is a bit too stressed at the moment and would like something fun to focus on too. The thing is, he is free at the weekends. He works 6pm-12 in the week, which is late when he has college but he doesn't mind that. At the weekend he watches Netflix while he goes over school work or does homework, etc. I say that he could use that time to meet friends or take up a hobby and he says that he just needs that time to relax and that he is still doing school work (but is watching Netflix and doing school work, really school work? )

Am I mean mummy? or do lots of your teens have jobs/are busy? like I've told him

He sounds bright, hard working, balanced and responsible. I think YABVU not to let him make his own mind up. He's doing you proud.

We never insisted ds take up a job. He started with 5 A'levels, then dropped to 4, and then 3 (Maths, Physics, Chemistry) after AS's. He also did a lot of music and drama.
We thought it was fair enough that he relaxed a bit at weekends.

I'd let him quit the job - but then I have a teenager who gets overloaded and anxious (as so many of them do these days with societies expectations heaped upon them). I think 5 A levels plus the volunteering is plenty enough and teens need some down time - we all do!

As you asked re whether our teenagers have jobs, I have a 14 year old Y10. She doesn't have one and I won't be encouraging it any time soon. As she gets older I may encourage a summer holiday job as its obviously good for future employment prospects.

Just to give you an idea of her schedule - school bus at 7.21 every morning, not home until 17.30 and plenty of homework. Athletics training Tuesdays 18.30 - 20.00 and football training Thursdays 19.00 - 20.00 with a match every Saturday morning. Occasional after school evening Girls Country football matches which require us to travel 1.5 hours to get there, even before the game starts. She was going to do Duke of Edinburgh bronze but it was too much to schedule in so abandoned that plan with my full blessing. Occasionally she has to have a duvet day and skip school because school work these days is all so all encompassing and it overwhelms her at times

Back when I was at secondary school in the 80's I didn't expect to get A and A* - few of us did. I worked - but nowhere near as hard as school students appear to today. Didn't revise for my mocks at all and did a bit for the real event. I think that was the norm back then rather than me being particularly idle. I managed a clutch of B's (mostly) and a couple of A's at GCE and not especially stellar 2 B's and a C at A level. It still got me a range of offers at good universities, and I ended up with a 2:1 from University of Sheffield. However far fewer went to Uni back then

It doesn't seem to go like that these days - poor kids

Both my teens have had jobs since 16, working 8 - 12 hours a week.

He sounds a very focused, conscientious young man. He is telling you that he is doing too much and is possibly quite stressed. I would listen to him.

Dd is doing 3 a levels in fairly tough subjects. She does a lot of sport and has a lucrative babysitting sideline.

Her school says in the 6th form you should have a job that takes up no more than 2 evenings and a Saturday.

If he is saying it is too much then you should be listening. He has an awful lot on his plate.

Is he in year 12 or year 13? If he hasnt yet decided which science he is wanting to go into then isnt he going to have to decide soon?

Seriously? Five A levels and works 12 hours a week? Plus volunteering? That's a huge load.
There are benefits to a part time job even if you don't need the money but 12 hours a week on top of five A levels is too much.
Mine both did 3-4 hours a week which was useful work experience but didn't impact much on their time. One did 3 A levels and one did 5xAS and 4x A levels. The one doing Four subjects to A level did little else but work in Y13.

I'd get him to cut down drastically or you may find he really struggles next year.

He is obviously very able and it sounds like he could manage to do it all if he had to but if he doesn't have to I don't see anything wrong with him having time to enjoy himself. It's a admirable skill to work out a good work/fun balance

Even the best universities... which I'm assuming he would have applied to by now don't want 5 A levels. The ability to study is a very narrow skill set. Universities and indeed life value more than just the ability to learn. A job gives more rounded skills in combination with A levels.

I stand by that he should drop an A level (as well as 1 shift at work if he wants) there is much more to happiness than this.

DS worked Saturday and Sunday all day so 16 hours
DD worked 2 evenings and a weekend full day also 16 hours
They also did 2 hours cleaning for me (paid at same hourly rate)
Their sixth form college was 4 days attendance and some free periods on the other days
It didn't appear to cause them a problem with either studying or their social lives
Both of them had similar hours part time jobs whilst at university
Thankfully both (23 and 25) are now employed full time, and appear to have a good work ethic

My 16 yo has a match day job at a football stadium. His shifts are 3 hours long and are usually one or two a fortnight. He would love to do more hours so is looking for a second job. He's doing one A Level and 4 btecs.