AIBU to think John Humphrys is going to annoy a lot of mums this am...

[suffolkblonde29]

Today presenter John Humphrys is quoted in The Times this morning talking about his ex-wife -

"Humphrys describes Wilding as “about as near perfect a mother as you can get” – a woman who “got pregnant and said, ‘I’m stopping work and I won’t start work again until the children – however many there may be – are in university.’ And she never did.”

Because that's how to be a perfect mother?! Oh gawd, my DD has no chance....

He's quite out dated for someone in current affairs. He's obviously not considered role model as part of mothering.
But it's just his opinion, and he does irritate me often in the mornings, he likes winding people up.

Meh.

John Humphries pisses me off generally: what he says in interviews and his tone are so supercilious I switch over.

From the point of view of the children she probably was a perfect mother. Always there for them without the competition of work commitments. Coming home from school to home baking and a cosy home. A mother happy to play and talk to them without having to leave for work and getting stressed out. Fun, interesting and having time to do things as a family.

A very rosy view of motherhood I know, but if this is what occurred in JHs family then she was the perfect mother.

My mother admits her mum was a 'perfect' Sahm who did all the above and accepts that I sometimes felt second best as she was working part time for most of my childhood. She's made up for it since I grew up with the help she gives me

What Saucery said. It makes me angry that he feels this way and then shares it. Sod indeed.

When was this though? Wasn't it quite common back in the day for women to stop work once married/had children?

Assume you are joking Growapear ?

Olympia you make it sound like this is an inevitable dynamic but I really don't think it is. I was proud of my mum working when I was a child, and felt a bit sorry for friends with boring, 'mumsy' mums who seemed to have nothing to do but hang around the house (I'm not saying that was the case, just that that was my perception as a child). Obviously I'm biased - she's my mum - but I think my mum was pretty near perfect.

My kids are at secondary and I have worked in some capacity since my youngest started reception. I would've been bored rigid otherwise and my mental health would be taking a severe nosedive if I didn't have work. I am here most of the time they are, due to a term-time only job & early starts. I would go back to f/t non-school hours in 2 or so years if possible once the youngest is more independent at around 14/15. I know they are proud of me for working & I set a good example to my DD of a mum who works and looks after them - even though my meals can be a bit hit & miss in the week - no-one starves...

Ps: my own mum always worked, albeit part time, and I thought it was odd - as a child - knowing friends' mums who didn't work.

bibbitybobbityyhat

Tongue a little in cheek, but only a little. It all depends on your view of work, if you work because it's how you get money and you need money, then of course it's something you need to do. If you don't need to work, then why would you choose to engage in one of the largely meaningless jobs the majority of people are employed in rather than be with your children, especially when they are very small ? Or if you personally feel that you should dedicate your life to your kids or whatever it is that motivates her or enabled her to stop working, there's nothing wrong with that. I am ambivalent about the booming childcare industry in our society and why it is really required.

Margaret. When my mum worked all I wanted was to be like the kids whose mums didn't work, so maybe we are never satisfied with what we have? I don't personally think having a job makes you glamorous. In my case my mother was often tired at the weekends. I also think the 'role model' argument is rubbish because her mother didn't work but my mother never for a minute considered not working. Things were a lot better when she dropped to part time. It's a good compromise for mothers and children but all career progression ground to a halt!

No matter what you do you're not going to have it all.

Would the perfect father stay at home to look after his children until they - however many there are - got to university?

Just wondering.

Its actually a false preconception that women didn't work. It was only really Post-WWII that staying at home to raise the children became a "thing".

During the War most women worked as the men were away fighting and before that, unless you were wealthy, you had to work or starve as there was no welfare state. Granted women didn't work in the sense that we think of now (offices, etc), but working class women would have taken in washing, mended clothes, cleaned, sold goods at market, worked on family farms, etc and lower middle class/upper working class women would have also worked in shops.

But what would you do all day from 7.30am-4.30pm (which is how long mine are out of house for) if you didn't work in some capacity, even volunteering? Doesn't take that long to make dinner, out washing in, etc.

So its only acceptable for women to work if the family needs the money? How incredibly old fashioned of you!

Well she died in 1997 so it was probably much more common then. I was a stay at home mum for my pfb. I ticked all the boxes do l loved it but l had a hellish teenage stint with him and more. I worked mostly during the others childhood and they turned out very well. So there is no telling what works.

Olympia well, as I said, I was actually very happy with what I had, so I don't think the grass is always greener. Clearly though it is individual, and I think it also depends on your relationship with your mother. We were always very close and I always knew that I was very loved by both her and my father (who worked much longer hours than her - but of course no one ever thinks that that would ruin my relationship with him), so I really don't remember ever feeling second-best.

I don't think that will be a very popular opinion pear! My job isn't meaningless, I get a great sense of fulfillment from it. If I didn't have it I think I would find the sometime mindless tedium of caring for a 10mo old unbearable. As it is I appreciate the time I have with him. Perhaps my view will change as he gets older and more interesting but I won't ever assume that everyone wants to be at home!

Surely it's about doing whats best for you and your family

For some it's working full time
For some it's working part time
For some it's being at home

None of those are wrong. What works for one might not another. But we all lead different lives

So its only acceptable for women to work if the family needs the money? How incredibly old fashioned of you!

Not what I said at all.

I actually thought growa made a good point that people have chosen to misinterpret

I agree with pear AND I have a way to make up the tax revenues that we'll lose if we didn't have the 'booming childcare industry': let's just stop educating girls beyond primary. After all, it's silly to invest time and energy into training them to do jobs that are 'largely meaningless' when they'd be so much more fulfilled at home having children.

(Ok, that last post was a bit intemperate. Can I get away with also saying that it was 'a bit tongue in cheek'?)

I love my children, but I have to admit that being a SAHM when they were little was soooo boring! Going back to work saved my sanity, and made me a better and more engaged mum.

MargaretCavendish

At no point did I say it had to the mother who "sacrificed" her "career". If you read the first post I said if I had had the option I would do the same. IMO people place far too much value on making it to a "level 2 team leader" or some such, and yes it is mostly meaningless at the end of the day, sorry if that offends you.