School telling me what title I should use

[mumofone1234]

My child started a new school in September. A few weeks into the new term I received an email from the school saying that they would like to change the title they have for me on their records from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' and if I am not happy with this then to reply to the email. I replied saying I would like to keep 'Ms' thank you very much. All has been fine since then. All communication has said 'Ms'.
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Today I get a letter addressed to 'Mrs Mumofone1234'? AIBU to wonder why on earth they care what title I assign myself? Is this a stealth way of finding out the marital status of parents? (It is a hard to get into school that goes off church attendance).

amusedbush I haven't said anything about age, I'm considerably younger than you but don't think generation is necessarily much to do with it as there have been women for some time who don't change their names, around 20% now I think. As for "theatrics", it's something utterly sexist and it gets to me as it demeans and belittles women. Why should women change our names not men? There's not a single reason why a woman should take her husband's name not a man take his wife's. As for "are you looking for a medal", er, no, quite the opposite seeing as I've said my friends are of the same mindset and I don't want it to be notable at all. It should be normal for women not to change surnames or men to take ours.

AuntDotsie for a start I want there to be a truly equal choice about name changing and it to be perfectly normal and common for men to change their surnames. Also titles to only be "Ms" and "Mr".

Being told objecting to such blatant sexism is "theatrics" is hardly helpful.

amusedbush you must only mix with a particular group of people; seems so unlikely (to me anyway) that everyone changes their name and to Mrs on marriage!

It's a mixture for me those that are married I know they use Ms or Mrs or have no idea (mostly as I don't refer to them using a title).

Where I work if you do need to chose a title (rare) it's either Ms or Mr: no other option!!

I change my surname (went along with the 'done thing' - regretfully) but have always used Ms.

Mind you where I live now (Ireland) titles don't seem to be such a 'thing'. I can only think of two times I was called Title Surnane. It's nearly always First name Surname

Also many people clearly do "give a toss" seeing as a fair few women have posted about being pressured into taking their husband's name...

I do the same lilybetsy telling people 'It's Dr' but only when I'm annoyed with them or it is a telemarketer that I don't want to talk to.

Being told objecting to such blatant sexism is "theatrics" is hardly helpful.

That's not what people are calling theatrical. And we can tell how old you are.

you must only mix with a particular group of people; seems so unlikely (to me anyway) that everyone changes their name and to Mrs on marriage!

I don't, honestly! Old friends, new friends, colleagues, people I vaguely know of through work, acquaintances from hobbies... I have lots of different groups that never mix and each woman I know/know of who has married, is now Mrs DHsurname. My cousin was going to keep her name and did so for a few months after the wedding but has now become Mrs DHsurname.

(Sorry, Amy, that was unnecessarily snitty. I'm stepping away from the keyboard now.)

IAmAmy

You're not "considerably" younger, you're a few years younger!

That's not what people are calling theatrical.

Exactly. Have an opinion, but don't post 20+ times to harp on about it! I don't think many people would disagree with you that it's outdated, sexist and unnecessary in the grand scheme of things but you are being over the top.

I use Ms but like the idea of everyone using Mx. How do you pronounce it?

Sidetrack: how come the English speaking world hasn't claimed Mrs for all women, not just married ones? I compare to the evolution of the title Mme in French or Frau in Germany (bit unsure about the latter) which has become more ubiquitous (a word, I'd like to point out, that I just managed to spell correctly on the first attempt ).

I had to go back to my sons' Catholic school as they were addressing my husband and me as Mrs and Mrs Supermoon!

don't post 20+ times to harp on about it! Why not? On a thread about titles and changing your name, why not?

you are being over the top. No one here is the thread police with the right to count people's posts and decide when they become over the top.

Why not?

Because it's hard to take someone seriously when they are like "MY OPINION! MY OPINION! MYYYY OPINIONNNNN!" over and over.

This is a conversation and a lot of people are coming on 'over and over'. And of course we're all giving our opinions.

I don't know how you're reading quite so much caps and exclamation marking into one particular poster's posts, TBH.

for a start I want there to be a truly equal choice about name changing and it to be perfectly normal and common for men to change their surnames. Also titles to only be "Ms" and "Mr".

How do you achieve that?

banivani German still has Fräulein but it's an age-based thing AFAIK. You hit 18, you're Frau and they use the formal Sie instead of Du. No male equivalent I can think of though!

I have friends, both doctors who obviously use their own titles. The female Dr qualified under her maiden name so is Dr something-different-to- the-child. Their child's school database cannot cope with this many variables, when sending letters home to both of them! Mine get round it by addressing it as Parent / Guardian off xxx, like they do from NHS letters. Much easier.

eyespydreams I just read your post about being the 'odd one out' and wanted to say how much it resonated with me. I didn't change my name when I got married and I thought that that would be pretty unsurprising - and, while there were a few raised eyebrows, no one actively criticised me for it. I assumed I'd be one of the many feminist women I knew who would do this (I was one of the first to get married). I noticed, with some surprise, individual women who changed their name but somehow failed to notice that actually no one was keeping theirs (of my personal friends. I'm an academic, so most women I know professionally do keep their names). A few weeks ago I asked my husband whether he could name a woman we knew who had kept their own name - he could not. My best friend, who is getting next married, is keeping hers, so then there will be two of us - but yes, I too have been astonished to be surrounded by women changing their names and declaring themselves proud to do so (turns out almost every woman I know dislikes her maiden name - what a coincidence!).

I never comment (to them) on people changing their names, as it seems impolite. Turns out that people are not willing to return the courtesy, though: I get a lot of questions about what we'll do when we have children (I think people have worked out that this is something we're planning to do quite soon, though they don't know that we're actually currently trying) and people are disarmingly willing to cheerfully tell me that our plan to double barrel is 'stupid'!

Dotsie knew there was something. And after all, they are title MAD in German, aren't they. Miles worse than in any anglo speak.

I think it might have been easier to just widen the Mrs title to include ALL women. I'm not too fussed myself because I seldom need to bother with titles, what with being a Swede, but out of solidarity with the principle of the thing I most often, when I have a choice, but Ms. But I think it's hard to pronounce so don't like it really.

Go Swedish folks, go title-less. Go Icelandic and just use first names.

Ms / Mrs / Miss - titles really don't matter. I've never understood why some women get so hung up on being called one over another. Insisting on being called Ms suggests that you feel your marital status defines your name.

It doesn't matter if you are married or single. You are still you.

I don't like my "maiden name" but keeping it was important partly because I recognised a need for self acceptance IYSWIM

Because it's hard to take someone seriously when they are like "MY OPINION! MY OPINION! MYYYY OPINIONNNNN!" over and over.

Oh, should I defer to other peoples' opinions? Not respond when people reply to me or post something I disagree with?

Your tone to me has been patronising and dismissive throughout, this is another example of that.

WLF46 that's part of the point, why should a woman's marital status be noted by her title? A man's isn't. So "Ms" is ideal.

Not sure if I'm allowed to post this so sorry if it offends

Insisting on being called Ms suggests that you feel your marital status defines your name.

This is completely nonsensical. Being called Miss or Mrs means that your name is defined (or at least qualified by) your marital status. Ms avoids that.

I really hated my birth name and changed it on marriage. I was/am one of 'them'. But I haven't shaved my legs in years. Am I still feminist enough?

WLF I think insisting on being called Ms suggests you feel society still feels your marital status defines your name.

banivani Oh yes, they love their titles! You can be Frau Professor Doktor over there. I also love the Icelandic naming traditions - boys for fathers, girls for mothers. Seems nice and balanced.