School telling me what title I should use

[mumofone1234]

My child started a new school in September. A few weeks into the new term I received an email from the school saying that they would like to change the title they have for me on their records from 'Ms' to 'Mrs' and if I am not happy with this then to reply to the email. I replied saying I would like to keep 'Ms' thank you very much. All has been fine since then. All communication has said 'Ms'.
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Today I get a letter addressed to 'Mrs Mumofone1234'? AIBU to wonder why on earth they care what title I assign myself? Is this a stealth way of finding out the marital status of parents? (It is a hard to get into school that goes off church attendance).

I suspect the school asked because their computer system where they keep pupil contact details etc, doesn't have the option for Ms, or it requires a bespoke entering of the info, which they hoped to avoid.
The fact you replied but then received correspondence to Mrs, suggests your reply wasn't logged.

TBH, I don't imagine that the school was trying to make a point,mreligious, moral or otherwise about your marital status....it was purely an admin issue, down to computer systems.

I wouldn't be huffy about it in a response, just let them know you replied to their query, but the reply doesn't seem to have been logged. End of!

Incidentally, i have noticed the use of titles varies by institution depending on the 'type' of user they expect to have.

So, NHS, when I was having my DD - very careful not to call me Mrs, or refer to DH as DH, even when I did. When Form filling after birth about the Father, asked if I was legally married to the Father who I called DH - that made me laugh! I said 'yes I am married' and they asked again just to confirm, as if they couldn't believe anyone actually is married.

And then thinking of my DDs school (which in independent) I have noticed that they always, always refer to everyone as Mrs......They never refer to partner, but if asking about the other half coming to events, always refer to husband or wife. And there, I've never heard anyone refer to their 'partner' actually, now I come to think of it. Their are divorced parents,mso single parents, but as far as I've noticed (and I've not really thought about this until this thread) all the single parents were once married to the father of their child. Some of the divorced ones do now have new .....well, partners .....is the right word isn't it. But I just haven't heard anyone refer to them as such.

Are more of the middle and prosperous classes married? Are those women more likely to take their husbands name? Just got me wondering.

next time I buy chocolates, Lt.Col. it shall be.

Hotel Chocolat will be doing frantic analysis to discover the reason for their sudden popularity with military women That'll Fiona 'em.

IAmAmy we all know your opinions now, there's really no need to keep posting the same stuff continually. Fwiw I agree with you.

Are more of the middle and prosperous classes married? Are those women more likely to take their husbands name? Just got me wondering.

Middle class people are far more likely to get married, and also more likely to stay that way (on average, obviously many working class people are married and remain that way for life!). I don't know whether they're more likely to take their husband's names if they do get married - I suspect not, as people in 'professional' jobs tend to have a much stronger incentive to keep their own names.

Actually Germany have got rid of Fraulein - my DD (6) is addressed as Frau on all official correspondence!

ico.org.uk

I have attached a link to the Information Commissioner's Office who ensure compliance with the data protection act. All public organisations who hold personal data about individuals must adhere to it.

If an organisation has been told they hold information incorrectly they have to change it or get fined.

They probably sent you the email because of the above policy's as they are not allowed to assume what your preferred title is. But now they have that information then they should be using it correctly.

Unfortunately, I suspect that all the training the school staff have had on the data protection act is "Just read this about the DPA............" and no-one has realised that just getting someones title/name wrong in a letter/email is a misuse of the information provided, especially if the information has previously been corrected in writing (and this includes by email).

Just mention the data protection act the next time someone gets it wrong, just mentioning the ICO usually does the trick.

Wow ... well my title is Dr ... wonder how they'd feel about that lol! hmm
Mine too, have had letters addressed to Doctor and Mrs Dawndonna! Grrr!

I have a friend who's a medical doctor - she took her husband's surname when she married and I always make a point of writing Mr and Dr Hisname on the envelope for their Christmas card - but then I'm a Stickler, like Lynn Truss.

Insist on Ms. It's important to me that I married, I always scratch out the 'partner' on any spouse/partner choices. If Ms is important to you then that's that.

people have got better things to do than worry about whether people call themselves Mrs, Miss or the made up Ms........all men are call Mr......women nowadays get all uppity about being called MRS MISS or MS.....the school, doctor, nurse whoever doesnt give a monkeys if your married or not....they are not doing it to annoy you.....they have got many other people to think about other than your preferred title (i cant stand it when women say 'its Ms if you dont mind'(usually in a hoity toity way) when i call them for an appt.....i really dont care, im never gonna see you again!)

I thought that Ms was used when the person or company addressing you is unsure of your marital status, so used Ms because it's more neutral? (That's what someone once told me).
Mind you, I couldn't wait to take my husbands name and be a Mrs when we got married. I've had letters addressed to me as Ms Husbands name, I tell them it's Mrs Husbands name, not Ms thank you.
I know it shouldn't but it bugs me. I chose to be a Mrs and it annoys me when I'm not referred to as such.

I do think it's sexist - and sadly I'm not young although I wish I was! I am a great believer in the mantra "making it work for you." I am Miss Planning in my professional life and Mrs Oz for anything to do with my children. The children thing was to save any embarrassment to them having a mum using a different name - not really an issue nowadays but it was a long time ago when DD1 was born. My email address uses my maiden / professional name which can confuse school sometimes. My passport and driving licence are in my married name (changed the driving licence years ago when I got done for speeding and didn't want my professional name in the local press.....) I'm about to change career and will continue to use Miss Planning rather than Mrs Oz for work purposes. Finding acceptable ID was challenging but I got there in the end. I also use Ms occasionally and have been known to use Lady (for online nosy surveys). I don't get upset by assumptions and will sometimes correct people and sometimes not. Making it work for me .....
PS 14 yr old youngest DD was issued an emailed plane ticket / authorisation to travel as Mrs DD Oz. Spanish airline didn't fret and said it would be fine although clearly she was too young to be married...

I find the fact they asked is a bit out of order. If you have filled contact info in as Ms that should have been the end of it. But the fact they asked to change it and you said no then receive a letter titled the way you asked not to is just plain rude and I would very annoyed too.

Quick question. Sorry may have been mentioned but haven't RTFT. Does anyone know, if I am currently Mrs DHsurname but I now want to be Mrs (don't mind the Mrs btw) DHsurname - Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse, do I have to officially change my name by deed poll? Or if I want to (stay married!) but revert to Miss/Ms Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse, would I have officially change back? What if I want my DDs to become Miss DHsurname - Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse? Deed poll too?

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse - you can call yourself anything you wish, as long as you are not doing so to commit fraud. So you can fill out any forms from now on with the name you now wish to use.

The only obstacles you will face is when official ID is required. The passport office/DVLA will require official documentation i.e. a deedpoll document, to change any official documents and these documents may be required to change you name on your bank account/mortgage for example. You will need to check with your bank what their requirements are.

I am not sure about children. I thought (and I am happy to stand corrected) you couldn't change a child's name without BOTH parents permission and that would definitely require a deedpoll document. You may need to take legal advice on that one.

God yeah those annoying uppity women lemon, I wish they'd just know their place don't you?!

I'd call this a minor irritation, not a serious anger issue.

They have made a clerical error,min failing to log your response. You can calmly point that out and it will probably be rectified.
I feel pretty sure that no one in that school is having a conversation about you and saying how awful it is that you call yourself MS and they need to get you to change. There will be a simple admin reason why they contacted you about it, and a simple clerical error why the info hasn't been processed. Neither is a big deal.

Addressing you by the wrong name could just be a mistake (when I was a receptionist I perfected a fudge which could be interpreted as any of them), but asking if they could change it to Mrs just seems weird! I work in a school, and can't imagine why they would do that!

Reasonably reassuring that from my unscientific survey and conversations with other friends, many girls my age certainly won't be changing our surnames if we marry and will be/are using "Ms".

It's not so reassuring that you use 'girls' to refer to your (adult) peer group

Manumission I've not been replying to this thread as I've been told not to by some but just to reply to this - I'm very conscious about women being referred to as "girls" but my peer group and I are all 16/17 and so are girls!

Oh sorry! I thought you were the teacher!

Did I miss a page?

I love the choices on Amazon. Parcels for my sister are always addressed to Contessa Lessons and to my niece, Princessa Lessons

Christ, I worry for my daughter's future.

I cannot believe there is still a significant number of women who are completely unable to understand the underlying, deeply disturbing,societal issues that underpin the use of Miss/Mrs/Ms.

Is it the sort of school where all the teachers are called Miss?
Maybe you could start a trend.

OMFG, Amazon have more title options? How have I missed this?! Right...

Ms / Mrs / Miss - titles really don't matter. I've never understood why some women get so hung up on being called one over another. Insisting on being called Ms suggests that you feel your marital status defines your name. It doesn't matter if you are married or single. You are still you.

This has got to be the dumbest post I have read on MN.