Leave House to brother or DCs

[HouseDilema]

I've name changed for this as I don't want to be identified, post may be a little vague because of that.

DH and I own 2 properties, one is a very nice House in a lovely area just outside of London, the other is a cottage by the beach that we rent out throughout the year.

I have a brother, who's 15 years my junior and who has ASD and DCs ranging from 15-25.

Until recently DH and I had our Will set up so that DB would inherit the cottage and DCs the family home to sell off and split, however we've now changed our minds for a number of reasons, including the governments current attitude towards the disabled.

We want to give DB our family home for the rest of his life, he's currently in his 30s with the mental age of an early teen, he can't live alone and he'll need care for the rest of his life. To fund the help that he will need, we have decided to keep the cottage for him as well so that he'll always have a income.

The new Will states that now we shall be leaving DB both properties and once he passes, the DCs can inherit both.

DH and I thought the best approach was to tell everyone and make our position very clear. It didn't go down very well, especially not with our eldest who's only 10 years younger then DB.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but I can see that their attitude really hurt DH. I understand the current housing climate but they are not the ones with the greater need.

You are trying to create security for your vulnerable DB. I understand that.

However I think you are focusing so far on the element of financial security you are in danger of removing the emotional security he will also require by creating a contentious situation between him and your children.

You seem very focused on this course of action, suggesting that your children should just accept this without question or even a degree of hurt.

I'm sure you don't mean to do so, but in this regard you come across as somewhat callous.

In short you can dispose of your assets as you see fit, but you also need to accept that your decision will have repercussions as far as your children are concerned.

If you are willing to live with that, then plough ahead, but bear in mind you and your DH's will may not be invoke for decades yet and in the meantime you will also have to live with the consequences this decision will have on your relationship with your children.

I personally think it's understandable to want to help your brother, but the balance here between him and your children will be counter productive in both the short and long term.

I strongly feel that the old will was a better balance between DBro and your DC.
I think leaving him the cottage is very generous in itself.
I think maybe you should credit your DC with looking after their Uncle a bit after you've gone?
With only ten years between DB and DC1 I think you need to take on board that with new will your own DC will not inherit for a very long time?
I'd go back to the old one.

If I were you OP, I would contact MENCAP and check that you have been correctly advised by your Solicitor

It was the legal experts at MENCAP that were so helpful to us, and most certainly advised us to create a trust fund rather than give our disabled son the burden of a house. And the reasons as to why are all the ones that have been mentioned earlier in the thread.

Ideally you should run your plans past an advisor from the NAS, and also discuss with a professional (social worker perhaps?) who is acquainted with your bro's support needs.

My sibling has special needs. My parents are both recently deceased. They tried really hard to get things right for their child but while she was quite biddable for them she is now more difficult. She was set up in a manageable flat, some of it hers outright, the rest in trust. Her income is too much to qualify for benefits. She also has to contribute to paying for the help she needs and which was organised by SS. She sacked her help as she doesn't want to pay. Her flat will never be maintained, her bills and finances are a problem and she is extremely vulnerable to exploitation. If she were less well off SS would be able to do much more for her.

Things don't always work out as planned.

Another problem with your plan here OP is inheritance tax.

Two lots will have to be paid before your children inherit.

How do you propose your brother pay his share?

He can't sell either house to fund this under the terms you have outlined.

Check inheritance tax. I think direct descendants e.g. Children and grandchildren can inherit family homes in a way that other family cannot.

Also, piss off your DC at your peril - you're possibly fit and healthy now but you won't always be. You might need them and they won't be there. If DB is your priority let him drive you to the opticians or hearing aid clinic when you can hardly move. Say ok and move on is very rare IME.

Sorry, not read the whole thread.
.lots of others have picked up all the practical issues.

Given you have dependant children there is the question of what happens if you were both to die tomorrow - who would have the underage kids and where?

If you were saying the DC were all adults. I would actually think they're being spoilt. "You can't give away MY inheritance!!!,". Well actually it's not a god given right. You and DH could sell it all off and spend it all at Las Vegas. I presume the intention isn't to leave the kids destitute - you're clearly confident they can support themselves so why should they assume they're going to get a nest egg when you pass which could be decades away

You have no idea what your DC's will face after your gone. Maybe they will have a car accident or cancer or some other life changing event. You are making total provision for brother and non for your DC. Yet your brother might live till 100 while your kids might get to 50

What provisions did your parents make for your brother? Or did they only provide for you, and you feel guilty?

I agree with Cucumber. Split it for goodness sake.

What happens if over the years when your brother has sole use of the house he is unable to manage it, allows others to move in and cause problems or destroys it in some way?

As others have said, what if one or more of your children becomes ill or unable to support themselves?

I know of 2 cases among my friends where good intentions with inheritance has caused problems.

One friend widowed at a young age, inheritance split quarter to her and other quarters in trust for 3 young children. By the time the children are grown up they all have deposits or a good start of one for homes where their mother has very little of hers left and very little earning power so faces a skint retirement.
Second is a friend's father who met a lady friend late in life and left her a life interest in his house which would go to his children on her death. The lady friend (although elderly) has lived on for 20 years so far after his death while his children are in their late 60s, not in brilliant health or financial situations and could really use their inheritance sooner rather than later.

I'm sure neither of those are what the deceased intended. You really need to think again and take more advice

Personally, I think you are wrong and understand your children being upset. Your decision seems very hard-hearted

Your db might need care and then the house would be used as equity to pay for his care debts. When he dies your dc's could end up with nothing - that's not what you want then leave your dc both properties.

There's more to this.

Your DCs feel upset because you're putting them second. I'd be really shocked if any of my friends did this to their DCs.

There's something not right about this thread.

People have kept asking over and over, what provision the OP has made for her adult children in the event that they become disabled and unable to work and she has come back with a remark about inheritance being a gift. As someone else said, she's provided minimal information so it's a bit mystifying.

You do know that the DWP is telling people with cancer that they are fit for work and cutting their benefits so that they are reliant on food-banks? And that some of the people with chronic illnesses who have been told they were fit for work, have subsequently died of the illness which apparently shouldn't have been stopping them from working? You happy to take the risk your kids won't get ill or sustain life threatening injuries?

When I was growing up, I knew that if I had a life-changing accident or developed a chronic life-changing illness, the welfare state would mean I wouldn't be homeless or starve. Your children have no such guarantee. It doesn't really matter if inheritance is a gift or a right, it's about whether you can rest easy knowing that if your children's lives go belly up, you won't have done all you could to help them mitigate the impact.

It sounds like you've had really lousy legal advice btw.

I don't know how anyone would consider this especially when you've got two properties and they could be divided fairly, people have made some valid points about disability benefits.

It isn't just about benefits either. That may not be a massive issue: PIP isn't impacted by income and assets, and the top rate of ESA is something like £500 a month. If there were other advantages to this arrangement, it might make sense to forego that amount. The real expense is going to be the carers. Those properties would have to be quite something to cover the costs of care.

If you were saying the DC were all adults. I would actually think they're being spoilt. "You can't give away MY inheritance!!!,". Well actually it's not a god given right. You and DH could sell it all off and spend it all at Las Vegas.

Hmm. I mean yes, legally you're right and it's been a long established principle in the UK that you can leave the whole lot to the dogs home if you want. Notwithstanding that many cultures make it impossible to disinherit your children.

However, there's a strong argument that the moral sands have shifted in the past few years, with so many people sitting on utterly unearned fortunes simply because they happened to be of an age to buy before housing costs went completely nuts (and OP's current enviable position is likely to owe something to the property ponzi). I mean, people in that fortunate situation do own the gains, it would be a road to madness to suggest they didn't, and yes that does mean they can do as they wish. But if you have hundreds of thousands completely unearned, the moral argument for you being entitled to spend it all on the slots if you like and your kids will just have to lump it, starts to look a lot less persuasive than it would if you really had worked hard all your life for it.

Obviously this is not OPs situation, but I thought what you said was worth replying to.

I'm guessing you have 4 children so a large family home. Why on earth would you leave a large house to your brother to live in when he is clearly not going to need that. Who will manage the income from the holiday cottage for him? Who will sort out the lettings and everything that goes with that? Who will ain't a in the massive house he gets to live in? Presumably he cannot do these things. I hope you aren't expecting your children to do any of this. I can see why they are annoyed and I would be too. I can't imagine leaving everything to my siblings and nothing to my children, regardless of the circumstances. I think you are being selfish to say you don't want him in any type of accommodation, or council place, or to have to move away. They aren't all you see on panorama. He may be ok with a sheltered type of accommodation.

If a person owns a property they don't inhabit, they won't get any benefits, apart from non-means tested financial help like DLA. It's treated the same way as if you have £16,000 + savings.

What would I do? Sell the seaside holiday home, which is unlikely to give DB an actual income, as most likely he will only acquire tenants in the summer, then there's paying letting agents fees, also for cleaners coming in after each stay. Buy him a flat in sheltered accommodation. There will be help on hand as needed.

You haven't answered several posts directly asking if he lives with you within the family home. Does he?

I really think the kindest thing you can do for him is as I said above. Sell holiday cottage, use proceeds to buy him a flat in sheltered accommodation. Otherwise you leave him open to all kinds of financial abuse, not to mention alienating your children.

I would presume that the OP expected at least the eldest DC would look after her DB, if only to be the adult that kept an eye on him, who the DB could call at 2am if he needed help with something - even if she doesn't expect the DCs to financially look after the DB or bring him to live with them, to expect her DCs to provide care.

Putting a great big wedge between the DB and the DCs could well mean by the time that the OP dies, the DCs don't want anything to do with him.

Put bluntly, the state will provide financial support for a disabled adult (albeit not that great), what the state doesn't provide is emotional support and a family network. You may well be distroying that.

I think what you are doing is wonderful, I think your brother does have a greater need. As awful as it sounds could you take out an insurance policy so your dc have something to inherit (this feels very weird writing this down ) or have you got that and that is what your house will be paid off with? Also, I haven't read too far into the thread so sorry if this next bit has been answered but could you have some clause in your will that even if your DB was too marry etc then the properties would revert to your children if that is a concern?

I have no idea what age you are
She must be 50. Eldest 25 who's 10 years younger than db -35 - who's 15 years younger than op

Also I'm not sure why you have such a negative view of care. My brother is in supported accommodation and it has been the making of him. It really has.

If someone puts you down as PoA/ executor of will, can you refuse?

I feel it's a mistake op.

Everything is telling OP they have concerns but I feel this is one of those threads that was pointless in posting as she won't listen or take advice etc.