Leave House to brother or DCs

[HouseDilema]

I've name changed for this as I don't want to be identified, post may be a little vague because of that.

DH and I own 2 properties, one is a very nice House in a lovely area just outside of London, the other is a cottage by the beach that we rent out throughout the year.

I have a brother, who's 15 years my junior and who has ASD and DCs ranging from 15-25.

Until recently DH and I had our Will set up so that DB would inherit the cottage and DCs the family home to sell off and split, however we've now changed our minds for a number of reasons, including the governments current attitude towards the disabled.

We want to give DB our family home for the rest of his life, he's currently in his 30s with the mental age of an early teen, he can't live alone and he'll need care for the rest of his life. To fund the help that he will need, we have decided to keep the cottage for him as well so that he'll always have a income.

The new Will states that now we shall be leaving DB both properties and once he passes, the DCs can inherit both.

DH and I thought the best approach was to tell everyone and make our position very clear. It didn't go down very well, especially not with our eldest who's only 10 years younger then DB.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but I can see that their attitude really hurt DH. I understand the current housing climate but they are not the ones with the greater need.

I can relate to your situation OP as I also have a sibling with ASD, and whilst I think I am quite a bit younger than you, I have had countless conversations with my parents about their inheritance to myself + my ASD sibling and the best way to provide for them after my parents death.

I can understand why you don't want your brother in a council house, as they tend to be in more rough areas where a vulnerable person with ASD wouldn't cope.

However as other people have said you need your DC on side with your decision as your Brother will need help managing money, as well as general family support when you die. Alienating your brother to your DC is counterproductive.

I haven't read all your posts but it is unclear where your brother lives now. But would he even want yo move into your seaside cottage or London house?

It sounds like you're reasonably wealthy, could you buy him a flat to live in now? From what I gather you can have a buy to let that you rent out to a sibling with special needs but you need to get advice. If you can sort his accommodation whilst you're alive, maybe you can then leave home the cottage as well but your DCs would have to help him manage renting that out etc. Then leave your DCs the house (on condition they help your brother out etc).

The way I think of it, I love my sibling dearly but I cannot imagine leaving them my estate over my DC. However, in my will anything I left to my DC / DH would be on the proviso they made provision for my sibling.

I'm in my 30s so I've been so far remiss with all this as my parents are still alive, but this makes me think I should sort out my will regarding this. It is tough though when you have a sibling with special needs, I'm sympathetic to your dilemma.

Mmmm. Well all I would say is that this may not help your brother in the long term. I have a relative who is 30 but has the mental age (for want of a better term) of 12. He has never worked and won't. We have been told that him inheriting will mean no entitlement to benefits (obviously and no issue) but it would also make it harder for him to access the sheltered housing he will need at that stage. Realistically he will need to live in a supported living environment. It's really difficult.

I would love to know how the OP expects the dbro to pay inheritance tax.

This situation isn't ideal for anyone. She would be best leaving get him a portion of both properties, assuming she can leave that so it only pays for his care.

If her brother can not make decisions for himself or live alone, who is to say any of this will help him. Or if he even wants to live in her house.

How is the house going to be maintained? Or could he end up living in a hovel that he can't move out of?

I would also like the op to tell us who is his main carer now and who will be providing the care for him when she dies.

Op I am in EXACTLY the same position as you and uNeerstand completely.

YANBU.

PM me and we can chat. We've had to seek all sorts of legal advice for our wills but we think they're finally sorted.

Some of the nonsense on this thread from people who have no idea how this all works in the real world. I understand the concept of never being independent, never giving consent, and the abject terror that after you're gone your sibling has to rely on services and the state, as you will have seen over the years I'm sure what that can mean.

PM me if you want to chat.

Hopefully the reason OP hasn't come back is because she's busy trying to get better legal advice.

Some people go through life without financial help.

I don't stand to inherit from anyone in my life, but everybody does their best to help out whoever needs it.

Having nothing to inherit, and being disinherited are two very different things.

Francis - what a terribly sad story. It's an awful situation for a sibling to be put in the position that they have to care for their brother or sister and sacrifice their own life. It's one I've heard of only too often and a situation that I try very hard not to be drawn into with my own disabled sister.

The DB wouldn't pay inheritance tax. I think the OP is proposing to leave the properties to her DC but the DB has a lifetime right to occupy. Its like a guaranteed free tenancy.

A couple of issues here.
You've not included any information on how your brother, who is so affected by ASD, is meant to successfully run and maintain a large house. It would involve carers, and paying for these privately would be prohibitive.
I can't see rental income covering that - particularly as rental income is not secure. You can have gaps, and worse, tenants defaulting and damaging property.
I don't understand why on earth you wouldn't sort out more suitable accommodation for him.
I also think what you are doing to your children is an absolute shame. Yes it's your choice what you do and don't leave to them, but it's their choice, not yours, how they react to that. By doing what you are doing, you will damage your relationship with them and damage their relationship with your brother as well. All to proceed down a path that isn't even in his best interests.

Also I think new will may reflect your priorities and sense of responsibility at the moment - including that responsibility you have grown up with towards your younger brother. But I think these may change for example when your DC begin to have children themselves, and you become grandparents too?
Perhaps the will feels right for now but I wouldn't be surprised if you choose to re-visit it at some point.
It's good to keep reviewing things as life develops. Nothing wrong with that. At least you've made a will which is more than many of us I expect.

Yab massively unreasonable.

Your children should not be disinherited. They effectively are disinherited under your plan as they are so close in age to your brother they could easily predecease him.

Any of your DC could be hit with a life-changing injury olin an accident, or a cancer diagnosis after your death and end up much worse off than your brother.

Much better to have a family trust with the flexibility to deal with whatever life brings for any of them

If I was disinherited I would be pretty upset; but it's your money and stuff so you can do whatever you want with it.

You risk damaging your relationship with your DC forever. So sad.

Francis - that is a heartbreaking story - that poor woman!

I hope that the OP is still reading this thread, and thinking about what's being said here.

Derxa - you are spot on - I think this could cause irreparable damage to the OP's relationship with her children. I commend her for wanting to care for her brother, but there are ways she could do it that don't have the enormous risks that have already been pointed out on here, and that won't leave her children feeling second best.

Disinherited?? Is this 1820 or something? This isn't about op punishing her dc because they didn't marry a cousin. It's about thinking about who needs what the most. That's community. That's family. I think in your situation I would leave a lump sum to your brother under the guardianship of several people. I assume this would necessitate the automatic sale of a property.

My DF informed my siblings and I that he and his wife intended to spend his house sale money on holidays and that they'd be leaving her house to her DC's as they are much younger than us, so not to expect anything.

Would you believe that we all still speak to him and bear no grudges?! I'll just be over here polishing my halo...

A few ppl are saying about the DB getting swindled, my DH has deputyship over his mum, and he has to pay certain sums out so that her money and house are insured in case he decided to run off with all her money. Now I don't know if anything is in place for your DB but if not maybe looked in to this.

Repent can't you see the difference between a parent spending their own money on them self as your father will, and leaving it as an inheritance but all to one family member instead of your own children.

Spending your money yourself is something no reasonable person could be hurt by, but saying I'm going to make sure I have a massive inheritance to leave but I'm leaving 100% of it to my brother and nothing to my kids is far more hurtful.

That isn't even the main issue with this OP's plan though - the main issue is she is making the will now while at least one of her children is under 18 and would be willed out of the family home if she and her DH were in a car crash tomorrow.

In her need to make a gesture the OP is refusing to acknowledge that she is not guaranteed to live into her 80s and that if she and her DH were to die prematurely, especially together in an accident, the dependent age child/ren are utterly screwed by this will juggling for this reason the OP's will is worse than no will at all until her youngest DC is self supporting.

That's before even getting into the many, many reasons why leaving the 2 properties to someone vulnerable may not even be in his best interest, and the fact someone, presumably the OP's children, will still have to take on the considerable financial, emotional and time commitment of looking after the brother and his two properties without being provided with any resources in the will to enable them to do so.

I wouldn't leave it solely to your db. My neighbours had a similar situation and my neighbours vulnerable db living alone spent years being the target of scams. People bullying him to do driveways/double glazing...etc. he lost over 50 grand over the years. I would think twice about this. I think it's so hard for young people these days. They will resent you and db for taking this security away from them while db has it all. He could live a long life leaving them to struggle on to get a house/ set up a buisness etc... bit harsh but maybe your own parents should have safeguarded your brothers future. Do what you can but make it fair on your own dc.

I think this could cause irreparable damage to the OP's relationship with her children. I commend her for wanting to care for her brother, but there are ways she could do it that don't have the enormous risks that have already been pointed out on here, and that won't leave her children feeling second best.

I think it will also cause irreparable damage to the DC's relationship with the brother. I wouldn't be surprised if they go 'sod this', relinquish any rights they have to a house at some point 40 years in the future, but will be paying for, as well as having the responsibility of care for a disabled uncle because the OP won't look at the sheltered accommodation that would be more suitable for him, and is prepared to dump her children as lifelong carers. I wouldn't blame them for walking away.

I love my DB dearly he is a fully functioning independent adult but if something bad ever happened to him and he needed my help I would give it gladly. But never, ever to the (possibly permanent) detriment of my own DC. It will always be my job to help them first and foremost.

I think it will also cause irreparable damage to the DC's relationship with the brother. I have seen this kind of thing first hand. Managed well, a family that includes a person with additional needs can be a wonderful place.

Two of the best people I know have siblings with profound disabilities. Because they learned to be selfless and that they were important in the world. I also know a small child who has very bad emotional issues stemming from her parents favouring and protecting her sibling with additional needs at her expense. She is ignored, called the 'problem' child, has massive expectations with no positive reinforcement. She isn't important and her sister is.

Don't make your DC feel this about their uncle.

Did your parents not make provisions for him in their wills?

Why is it benign left to you?

I hate to say it but YABU.

*being