Leave House to brother or DCs

[HouseDilema]

I've name changed for this as I don't want to be identified, post may be a little vague because of that.

DH and I own 2 properties, one is a very nice House in a lovely area just outside of London, the other is a cottage by the beach that we rent out throughout the year.

I have a brother, who's 15 years my junior and who has ASD and DCs ranging from 15-25.

Until recently DH and I had our Will set up so that DB would inherit the cottage and DCs the family home to sell off and split, however we've now changed our minds for a number of reasons, including the governments current attitude towards the disabled.

We want to give DB our family home for the rest of his life, he's currently in his 30s with the mental age of an early teen, he can't live alone and he'll need care for the rest of his life. To fund the help that he will need, we have decided to keep the cottage for him as well so that he'll always have a income.

The new Will states that now we shall be leaving DB both properties and once he passes, the DCs can inherit both.

DH and I thought the best approach was to tell everyone and make our position very clear. It didn't go down very well, especially not with our eldest who's only 10 years younger then DB.

I don't think I am being unreasonable but I can see that their attitude really hurt DH. I understand the current housing climate but they are not the ones with the greater need.

I think your first priority should be towards your own children. Do you not trust them to do right towards your brother, no? Maybe you should.

I'm not sure the OP is coming back...

I asked it further upthread and will ask again. What about your parents? If your brother is 30, the chances are they might still be around and might be only in their early sixties (apologies if I have that wrong). Why can't they leave him the means to be looked after during his life? Why does it have to come from you?

If there is no choice, why can't you sort this out in your lifetime? It sounds like you are reasonably well off, you could be putting provisions in place for your DB now instead of the inevitable disharmony that will come from you cutting all your kids out of your Will in favour of your DB.

I think it's a terrible thing in this country's laws that you can disinherit children.

I am very worried about the lack of provisions you have made for the child(ren) who are minors. What if you died before they were financially independent of you?

What have your parents done to provide for your brother?

If you are truly his only financial provider then I would sell the holiday home to buy him a flat in sheltered accommodation. Leave the house to your children, to disinherit them is awful.

Ii also think your best bet is to get your DB set up in a council house now, so it will always be maintained for him. This is what we have done with DH's disabled brother. He has a lovely bungalow maintained by the council (very lucky I know). Your DC can keep an eye on him (assuming they are responsible and caring enough) and he won't have his assets held against him when accessing help. .

I too wondered about inheritance tax and whether one of the houses will have to be sold.
Pp saying db would have to live in the house which may well be unsuitable - you can set up a trust like this but with a proviso that the life interest beneficiary can sell the house to buy somewhere more suitable - may need the final beneficiaries' agreement? I am not sure, but worth looking into.

Op did add that provision has been made for the 15 yr old, so that may not be an issue.

The thing i think is worth bearing in mind is that as many many pp have said, the future is very unpredictable - what happens if dc or their dc cannot work, or look after themselves, at some point, after both dparents have died.

I was also struck by the comment about what the correct attitude is - we can know how we feel, or think other people should feel, but very often (usually) in life they don't! As a 25 yr old (long gone!) i have to admit i would not have taken kindly to my dm knowing better than me how i should feel! (Or now, obviously!).

Can't believe what I'm reading. Leaving ONE of the houses to DB was more than enough but to then take BOTH away from your own kids and leave them both to your brother??? Ridiculous and over the top. Clearly you care more about your brother than your own kids and I can't imagine how your husband is ok with this??!

I really hope you don't expect your kids to be carers for your brother because after what you have done, I personally would be long gone as soon as I was financially able to.

Still can't get over the thought of a single vulnerable man in a 5 bed family home with a cottage on the side to boot whilst your kids get fuck all. Perhaps it will be your kids that end up in a council flat.

I can imagine a scenario where by your own kids get married and have kids of their own. Perhaps things don't go too well for them and their family ends up squashed into a 2 bed council flat. All the while your brother is happily resident in the 5 bed family home that their parents left him.
And you expect them not to be bitter???

I don't think the OP is coming back. It was a pretty brief AIBU that didn't go into the reasoning behind the decision to leave both houses to her brother rather than her children in any meaningful way. She has not given any further information in subsequent posts. I suspect she posted this AIBU in the expectation that people would say YANBU, you are a wonderful sister and your children are grabby and entitled.

Something else came to mind. It may be just Scottish law but has legal rights been considered? In Scotland children cannot receive nothing from a will regardless of what your wishes are.

I reckon it's a fake post anyway. Nobody can be that short sighted to not realise the implications of such a ridiculous decision.
Plus there has been no follow up information and a basic response of "oh well, don't care what you all think, I'm doing it anyway."

Well why post then? 🙄

kirrie I thing the E&W legislation is that adult children are entitled to apply for reasonable provision from the estate of a deceased parent, but it's only recently that there have been a good volume of cases claiming under this legislation - possibly (IMO) coinciding with the first major wave of parents dying who were in subsequent relationships and outlived by new spouses who they'd left their estate to.

Isn't it strange....

I would only ever post on AIBU if I really wanted harsh advice and I was torn about a decision, or couldn't see the wood for the trees and wanted some clarity.

Yet more and more we have posters who have made their mind up totally about something who then for some bizarre reason post on AIBU (god knows why if they know what they want to do) and then 99.9% of the posters tell them they are BU. They insist they're not and disappear. Weird. What's the point?

Long term lurker who has signed up to comment. No, I am not the Op just frustrated at the same comments over and over that the Op has answered :

In her second post she conceded that she is probably BU but that she feels her brother needs the support and her kids don't

In her third she said that there is provision for her children if she and her husband were to die tomorrow so no issues about minors being turfed out their home

She acknowledged that some of the feedback had been very useful especially relating to access to services so she is going back to look at that

I'm torn about this. It's her and her husbands decision so in that respect she is not BU. Op only mentions the property so pp are being presumptuous that there is no other provision for her children. She said she was being deliberately vague so hasn't given full details so there might very well be a stocks and shares portfolio or a life insurance policy or two to divi out to the (hopefully middle-aged, settled adult) offspring once the Op and her DH pop off.

There's still not enouh details posted to be able to work out what would be the best course of action. But I agree that passing on 2 houses to a vulnrable adult in favour of your own children is odd, and probably a silly move.

Thing is FAD, there are more unanswered questions than there are questions. Like the parents, where do they feature in all of this?

There are so many variables here. One is, Parents die in a car crash which disables one of their children. That child has nothing, while his disabled uncle has everything. Anything could happen at any point to mean that the children could really need that money.

Definitely make arrangements to ensure DB gets good care, but not necessarily at the expense of the children.

Dh has just read the OP of this thread over my shoulder, and is aghast that HouseDilema's dh has allowed her to treat their children so badly - frankly he thinks the dh is pretty weak and spineless, and a poor father to his children.

I do not disagree!

It also gives a great incentive for your DC to push uncle down the stairs

I agree with your will OP. Any assets should be used to help those most vulnerable, and unlike your DCs, your DB is always going to need help.

Although I do think the issue about maintenance of houses needs to be considered. It sounds like DB would need someone who can practically help with this.

I think that should should sit down and rethink this. The sentiment is good, but it is not an equitable arrangement and your DC are right to be a bit peeved. I should revert to Plan A.

But DC will be able to work and earn their own living.
Also the person who suggested council houses is having a laugh. Unless OP lives in an area with depopulation, council houses will not be available for her DB. Also bedroom tax means that he would be foolish if renting to get more than a bedsit or cheap 1 bedroom flat anyway.