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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect newborn congratulatory card/gift from SIL?

55 replies

Bushybrenda1 · 23/11/2016 22:19

So, DS is a couple of months old now and has not received so much as a bloody card from his aunt & uncle. AIBU to feel totally pissed off by this? They don't ever ask about him, how he's getting on,absolutely nothing. When we're in their company they only talk about themselves and their pregnancy. It infruriates me, it's like they aren't willing to acknowledge their nephew. Their DD is due next month and I will make a fuss of baby even though my son hasn't received the same from them, I'm not petty. How should I treat our relationship with in laws if things don't improve when their DD is born? I can't stand by and let my son be ignored.

OP posts:

Inthenick · 23/11/2016 22:26

Hmmm, did they phone or at least text congratulations? Lots of people don't do cards but I would sort of expect a gift.

Original poster

Bushybrenda1 · 23/11/2016 22:29

They came to visit him once, had a cuddle, while talking about themselves the whole time, not once asked about any details like the usual newborn conversations go or if either of us were doing ok.

OP posts:

BratFarrarsPony · 23/11/2016 22:31

Family are weird.
My brother came along to my birth uninvited as though it was a fucking spectator sport, and then brought nothing in the way of new born gifts/cards.
What can you do?

OohhThatsMe · 23/11/2016 22:36

You let your brother watch you give birth, BratFarrarsPony?

Original poster

Bushybrenda1 · 23/11/2016 22:36

Omg that's crazy Brat!
I'd have told my brother to leave. Love him but wouldn't have wanted him there!
I just don't understand why they aren't bothered, they're expecting a baby too!

OP posts:

BratFarrarsPony · 23/11/2016 22:40

it does sound crazy...but I was so drugged up. I think the midwife made him leave when it got serious.

Neaders · 23/11/2016 22:40

fuck they sound awful... would you want them to be involved anyway? understand why you are annoyed, but this could be a blessing in disguise

stella23 · 23/11/2016 22:40

The sil in the ol your brothers wife? Or tourney husbands sister?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/11/2016 22:43

YANBU. It's rude tbh. I bet they will expect attention for their baby when it's born.

When we had my first, SIL and her DH came and visited. Moaned about their landlord (trivial stuff) after we had just been evicted whilst I was pregnant and was living in a crappy 1 bedroom flat as it's all we could afford. They stayed an hour, talked about themselves, bought a pack of vests which I thought was a slightly odd gift as everyone and his dog bought an outfit. Then we had DC2, they didn't visit at all, didn't buy anything, I don't even remember getting a card. We saw them at MILs over a month after DD was born. BIL held DD, SIL was sat next to him looking at a magazine, BIL said "do you want to hold the baby", she looked over, went "nah" and went back to her magazine. That's was the most attention she paid her.

She is now pregnant and I will be showing her the same courtesy she has shown my children. Mine are 8 and 5 and the 5 year old doesn't even know who she is. The 8 year old barely remembers her. They didn't even know she was their aunt until I mentioned it recently.

Some families are shit and are all about themselves. I always think a lot of others so like the same consideration back. If I don't get it they can sod off.

Amber76 · 23/11/2016 22:44

People can be so odd - I always acknowledge and give cards for birth and then birthday cards after (for nieces and nephews). But i have 3 kids myself and their birthdays are barely acknowledged.

My youngest is almost two and 2 of his cousins have birthdays earlier within the same week - last year i sent both these nephews a card but neither set of parents remembered my son on his first birthday. This year I'll send cards again but i won't expect anything in return - your child doesn't know he's being overlooked and its nice to be nice. I think a lot if people are very self absorbed and its not worth getting cross about it (tho i totally understand why you would be).

Lilacpink40 · 23/11/2016 22:44

They sound like highly self-centred individuals. I'd avoid them even though they're family.

Allthewaves · 23/11/2016 22:45

I had no intrest in babies before I had my own - even at 8 months pregnant i really didn't want to hold friends baby as it was all a bit too scary. I would of got a card and present out of politeness.

Hopefully it will get better when they have their own. Now a days I will happily grab a baby for a cuddle

BarbarianMum · 23/11/2016 22:46

Who is your SoL? Is here relationship closer to you both than your BoL?

BarbarianMum · 23/11/2016 22:47

SiL BiL. Bloody phone.

Justneedaname · 23/11/2016 22:53

Did you have/ she attend a baby shower?

ollieplimsoles · 23/11/2016 22:53

Hmm, no one has said it yet so ill be the first- is it possible they had/ are having fertility problems when you had your babies? I know its not an excuse to be downright rude buy could be why they kept their distance?

My sister had a miscarriage and is struggling to conceive, she doesn't talk about it but I know its the reason she is distant with my dd. And I dont expect too much of her either.

Still not nice for you though op.

Original poster

Bushybrenda1 · 23/11/2016 22:59

Thanks posters for your messages!

I just feel so hurt for my baby.

It's my DH sister. Even he is miffed by their lack of interest and he usually doesn't notice these things.

This will be their 3rd child, they already have 2 sons who I have for sleep overs and play dates etc. They have never babysat for us in the past and my daughter is 11 now.

OP posts:

headinhands · 23/11/2016 23:00

Why is Sil responsible for a card? Why not both she and her partner equally?

Nicketynac · 23/11/2016 23:01

I was due my first baby at same time as my brother was expecting his but I had an early miscarriage. When their baby was born I was happily pregnant again but I found it hard to deal with them. I didn't realise at the time but once my hormonal fog lifted months later I could see how unhelpful I had been and how I tried to avoid holding the baby etc. They knew about my miscarriage and I assume they understood that it was a difficult time for me. Could your SIL be in a similar situation?
Also if they are first time parents they might just be too caught up in their own adventure to enjoy yours.

Nicketynac · 23/11/2016 23:01

Sorry just saw above post that they are not first time parents.

Original poster

Bushybrenda1 · 23/11/2016 23:01

No I didn't have baby shower.
She wasn't bothered about my pregnancy either, rarely asked if I was ok? Yet her SIL on other side of her family got lots of support from her, as did her baby.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 23/11/2016 23:02

To be fair if she's the blood relative I'd expect her to sort it headinhands.

Original poster

Bushybrenda1 · 23/11/2016 23:03

Head in hands

SIL controls everything in her house, BIL has seen even less of my ds

OP posts:

RainbowJack · 23/11/2016 23:04

Maybe they're not interested in your child?

I'm not a fan of other peoples children. I only buy them Xmas/Birthday presents when I can be bothered (not often). It's exhausting to constantly feign interest when you have none.

Italiangreyhound · 23/11/2016 23:05

Bushybrenda1 treat your new niece as you do your nephews.

Talk to your dh and see if he agrees that once baby is out and things get back to normal, you or he will talk to your sis-in-law and ask, politely, if she realises how hurt your dh is that she has not acknowledged his new son.

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