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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To plan not to have a Christmas baby?

357 replies

XanaduBubbles · 23/11/2016 07:04

My partner and I are going to start trying for our second in the new year, however I think that if we don't get pregnant right away (before February) we should wait until May to avoid having a Christmas / New Year baby, basically because I've known friends with birthdays around then and they always resent it (fewer presents, people forget, nothing to look forward to the rest of the year, total first world problems I know).

Aibu thinking like this? Am I just over thinking?

OP posts:
ninkynonk14 · 23/11/2016 15:12

Not unreasonable to have a preference. We were hoping to avoid August but she came some weeks early, so...
That said,
It's useful to split the new toys etc. up across the year instead of loads of stuff near Christmas time.

Blueskyrain · 23/11/2016 16:37

I see no problem in trying to avoid certain months, as long as you're not in a particular rush to get pregnant.

Statistically, most people don't struggle to conceive, and if it doesn't happen, you may need to be more flexible.I can understand why it would come across as shallow to those that struggle to have a baby, or have lost a Christmas baby, but sadly I think that's just the nature of things. It's not fair that some people try for years, others seem to get pregnant at the blink of an eye. Its not fair when someone loses a much wanted baby whilst a friend has a termination. It's all massively unfair, but that's life being unfair not you, and not your choices. As long as you are reasonably tactful inhow you approach things, you are doing nothing wrong.

OvO · 23/11/2016 16:49

I had TWO Christmas Day due dates! (One year apart!)

They both arrived in November.

So plan if you can but remember that plans can go sideways! Babies like to be early or late, rarely when you've insisted suits you. Grin

user1471451355 · 23/11/2016 16:54

I'm a Christmas baby! I have always loved it, especially as a child. I think it really hinges on how careful parents are to make a special birthday for their child. Mine were fantastic and I loved having a party when all the extended family were visiting...and double the presents (;

Scichic · 23/11/2016 17:12

YANBU. DS is October, planned for "old end of the school year" - came 2 weeks late
However, we then had an ectopic due to having a coil in which failed and I lost a tube, so when we tried again we just tried. As a result, DD is 31st May (the day before my 38th birthday) and so at the young end of the school year. You can plan, you can try, but a curve ball is no less of a treasure
Good luck xx

OracleofDelphi · 23/11/2016 17:16

I think as others have said, no harm in having a vague thought about it. But I think fertility issues, etc affect far far more people than some people think.

Just thinking over my closest friends or ones who have had children recently and there have been so many people who struggled to conceive 2nd when first was a breeze, struggled to conceive at all, cant have a baby, gone through early menopause without realising, had a miscarriage, took 3 years to get pregnant with second.... etc etc. You dont say how old you are OP - so my advice to you, is if you are late 20s / 30 do what you think is right. If you are older then dont waste time missing months because of the potential of a slightly inconvenient birthday date. I took 2 years and a miscarriage to get DS and he was due on Xmas day (came a week early).... but DD was an accident 6 months later - so if there is one thing having babies, and watching my friends have them, its that it rarely works out how you plan it in any case.!

DS birthday gets celebrated end Nov / early Dec to avoid cramming it all into a week!

Diamondgirl2123 · 23/11/2016 17:21

We said exactly the same thing (kept it to ourselves) we were going to start trying for a baby, but after April/May so that baby wouldn't have a December birthday. One small slip up in the middle of March means we are due on the 12th of December! Shock Once the shock had worn off we are now really excited, and think that this Christmas is going to be the best ever! Basically what I'm saying is no you're not being unreasonable to try and plan this, but what will be will be! Grin xx

ultraviolet4753 · 23/11/2016 17:21

Both my mother and I were born on new year's day (I was 3wks premium), dad 23rd Dec, husband 9th Dec. Yep it's a bit annoying not having anything else to look forward to for the rest of the year and getting combined presents, but so what? It's a date. That's all. You need to readjust your priorities if you're thinking this much into it. Anything can happen and all that matters is that they are happy and healthy.

janeycam27 · 23/11/2016 17:23

I think Feb-May or Sept-Nov are the best months to have a baby. Then you avoid having a Summer baby who will be the youngest in the school year and you avoid the Christmas/New Year mayhem. Although you will be better at planning than I am if you suceed. My partner was born Christmas Day, and my children were born August and January 😜 Complete fail but they are still awesome!

MummyTheGregor · 23/11/2016 17:28

We weren't keen on a December baby when ttc dc3 as DS1 is a January baby who largely gets forgotten about by family (knobs) and who often gets regifted presents from his friends.... I figured that we'd not conceive straight away as I'm old now but I was wrong and am 35 weeks pregnant and due on xmas eve! Poor wee child will get forgotten about on two counts by us because he's our 3rd and everyone else because xmas birthdays are pants...... but y'know it'll be character building!!!

Want2bSupermum · 23/11/2016 17:29

I have July, Feb and March babies. July is hard because DD1 is almost a year behind all the other kids who parents planned out their pregnancy so they would have a child who is one of the oldest in class. She is struggling at school and will be going to summer school (here in the US they have an extended school year for kids who are struggling with academics and/or behaviour). DS is autistic so that brings its own barrel of issues and the baby is a baby.

With 3 DC and living in Northern New Jersey we will be having one birthday party this year in early March indoors. On their actual birthdays they will invite a few friends around for a drink and cut cake.

WRT pregnancy, I would avoid being more than 5 months pregnant in summer if where you live is hot and humid. It sucks.

user1474221222 · 23/11/2016 17:33

I'm a December baby and I hated it. Not so bad now I'm older but was always overlooked as Christmas parties etc were taking place. So definitely avoid. Your child will thank you Grin

nennyrainbow · 23/11/2016 17:37

Agree with blueskyrain's post above.

We did the same, OP. I have a January birthday and hate it. I wish I could do more outdoor activities on my birthday and it didn't get dark at 4pm when it feels like my special day is over. So we planned not to have a Dec or Jan birthday child.
However, DC1 took an age to conceive. When March came around the following year and I still wasn't pregnant, we decided that although we wouldn't put so much effort into trying, we wouldn't stop this time. I fully believe that it was taking a step back and not being bothered about whether or not I fell pregnant that month that did it - DS1's birthday is January. Luckily, it doesn't bother him at all - he's not an outdoor type.

Oysterbabe · 23/11/2016 17:42

Me and DD have December birthdays. I always really liked mine as a child, it felt special because everyone was in the party mood and December was super exciting. DD should have been late January but was early and arrived on NYE. At least every one will be up for a night out once she's grown up! We're going to aim for a January/December due date for the next one. It would mean that DD will turn 3 when I'm going back to work and childcare will be cheaper. I don't really mind but will try and avoid a summer baby.
So I think yanbu to try and time it for a month you prefer but December birthdays are no problem.

TheCakes · 23/11/2016 17:44

I'm a Xmas baby. It's a PITA. I'm very jealous of DS summer birthday.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/11/2016 17:47

YANBU

I didn't want a September baby as too near to Christmas. I ended up giving birth early and have a March baby. Yep, same distance from Christmas.

I also have a child born in August who was due in July. One child came in the month they were due out of three.

If I'd thought I would have had them born in different months to the ones they are.

cheminotte · 23/11/2016 17:50

Yanbu. I'm a December baby and have two summer DC deliberately. Unfortunately it does mean they are the younger ones in the class. Why don't you start TTC now rather than wait until the new year?

sensesensibility · 23/11/2016 17:51

Nothing wrong with a December birthday, my birthday is Christmas Day and I love it! Means I see my family and friends around my birthday as most people are off work then anyway. Don't overthink it, or you'll find a problem with every month!

JessicaPeach · 23/11/2016 17:53

If we have another im hoping for an autumn baby so I get the maximum amount of time with them before they start school. My april baby wont really be ready but is too far back from the cut off to reasonably keep back, in some ways I half wish he was an august baby as i'd keep him back no guilt, no question then!

Nothing wrong with trying to have a bit of control over it as long as you know the best laid plans and all that!

Apotts · 23/11/2016 17:54

I've got a December baby (9th). She likes it because she gets chocolate on her birthday (advent calendar). We was ttc at the time and really wasn't fussed when the baby was born, as long as I fell pregnant.

bigbuttons · 23/11/2016 17:54

depends if you think you will have no problems conceiving or keeping a pregnancy.

woodsies1975 · 23/11/2016 17:58

My birthday is between Christmas and New Year and for the very fact it's totally shit, DH and I stopped ttc for the period which would have meant a December baby. As it happens one came in November and one in October.

I totally understand.

PenguinsandPebbles · 23/11/2016 17:58

If your lucky enough to have no issues and time is on your side then it's your body your choice and you do what you think is right for you.

Personally after 7 miscarriages I really couldn't give a damm about the date.

Fishlaar · 23/11/2016 18:02

My birthday is six days before Christmas and I hate it. It has always felt like having to celebrate it is a nuisance for people as they are so busy focusing on Christmas. As a child I got no parties and joint Christmas and birthday presents, which was fine until my much younger brother came along with his summer birthday and got parties and separate presents... :( As an adult I have had people moan to me about what a nuisance my birthday is - as if I had a choice about when I was born! It really is a rubbish time to have your birthday so I don't think you are BU at all.

LifeLong13 · 23/11/2016 18:09

We're planning on trying for no2 in the new year and hadn't really thought about birthdays and Xmas! Oh it's got me thinking now too!