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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask DP to come home 'early' after works Christmas Do?

106 replies

BeccaAnn · 22/11/2016 19:02

When I say early, I mean 2am, when there is a bus from the place the do is on to the bus centre where we live (20 miles travel or thereabouts) and I offered to pick him him then.

He wants to stay out until 4/5am 'like last year' except last year he didnt have anything else planned during the weekend and we have my friend of 26 years engagement party on sunday. knowing him he wont be functioning until at the least late sunday night and will essentially sleep of the monster hangover.

AIBU to ask him to come home a 2am instead?

OP posts:
CageyBee · 22/11/2016 19:05

YANBU and also, who the hell wants to stay out until hat time anyway when they could be in their pyjamas at five past seven like me?

Candlestickchick · 22/11/2016 19:06

YANBU 2am is late enough to have a great party and it would be disrespectful to your friend to turn up massively hungover to the engagement party

Crisscrosscranky · 22/11/2016 19:10

YABU to tell him when to come home but he would be unreasonable and disrespectful to turn up to the party hungover. I would let him make an adult decision on this one without being the nagging 'ball and chain'.

QueenMortificado · 22/11/2016 19:11

I'd hate to be told what time to get home. Let him get on with it and if he's hungover, it's his too bad.

If he has form for it and you've got 18 children under the age of 6 though that's a different story

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/11/2016 19:12

Hmm. Not sure. Christmas party is only once a year. How often does he go out like this?

DryIce · 22/11/2016 19:12

I'm a bit torn. Is he friends with the friend having the engagement party? And has he accepted the invitation?

If he has accepted, he should definitely show up. But he is an adult and should be able to regulate his own timings and alcohol intake to make sure he can make it.

If he hasn't, and you want him there as a plus one, aren't you really asking him to cut short his celebrations with his friends in favour of yours?

Justneedaname · 22/11/2016 19:13

Don't really see what massive difference those two hours are going to make, he's still going to be absolutely smashed. Is the works do on the Friday or Saturday night?
I hate it when their hungover and useless all bleeding weekend though, ao YANBU on that or the party, but I maintain that I don't think those two hours are going to make much of a difference.

YouOweMeATenner · 22/11/2016 19:13

YABU to ask him, an adult, to come home from his Christmas work do at a particular time. However, YWNBU to go nuclear on him if he ends up too hungover to go to your friends party the next day.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/11/2016 19:14

How is he planning to get home if he stays until 4/5?

I would tell him how you feel about it, but at the end of the day it's his choice, and if he doesn't go out very often it might be best to just let him get on with it.

29redshoes · 22/11/2016 19:16

Hmmmm I think YABU on this one, sorry. Unless like a PP said there's some detailed backstory and you have loads of kids.

If he is hungover and antisocial at your friend's party then obviously that is not acceptable but that won't necessarily happen, surely?

CockacidalManiac · 22/11/2016 19:16

It depends how he's planning to get home.

Frazzled2207 · 22/11/2016 19:19

I think yabu.
Assuming he knows about the engagement party it's his responsibility to not go overboard and be a grown up and know his limitations. I never tell my dh o to be home by a certain time, but I trust him to be sensible so it doesn't matter.

QueenMortificado · 22/11/2016 19:20

It depends how he's planning to get home.

No it doesn't. He's an adult, let him make his own travel plans.

No wonder some men are such children when they get mummied so much by some women.

Frazzled2207 · 22/11/2016 19:21

If he needs to help you with kids or other stuff the following day however ywnbun to ask that he doesn't overdo it. Though again presumably he knows his responsibilities?!

CockacidalManiac · 22/11/2016 19:22

No it doesn't. He's an adult, let him make his own travel plans.

It does if he's expecting to be picked up

ClopySow · 22/11/2016 19:22

Are you picking him up at 2am? How will he get home if its 4/5am?

QueenMortificado · 22/11/2016 19:23

if he wants picking up he can leave at the time op can pick him up. If he wants to leave later, make his own way home.

I repeat: he's an adult

CockacidalManiac · 22/11/2016 19:24

if he wants picking up he can leave at the time op can pick him up. If he wants to leave later, make his own way home

Well, yes. That's the point I was making until you got arsey.

FeckinCrutches · 22/11/2016 19:25

Have you got children? I not I wouldn't be arsed. I'd only be pissed off if he wasn't up and showered to leave for the party at 7ish.

ShatnersBassoon · 22/11/2016 19:35

I think it is OK to ask him to get home earlier if the 5am return is going to leave you short of money (taxi instead of bus, hours more drinking time) and/or inconvenienced (out of action the next day, wanting a lift at that hour).

Otherwise, let him get on with it.

Matchingbluesocks · 22/11/2016 19:38

You can't really ask him to do anything tbf can you? He's a grown man if he wants to stay out until 5am you can't tell him not

ClopySow · 22/11/2016 19:42

Ah QueenMortificado it always makes me really happy when i see your name on a thread. Like i was part of it.

Sorry thread, as you were.

MrsSnootch · 22/11/2016 19:58

Let him party. I would not accept a curfew myself

APlaceOnTheCouch · 22/11/2016 19:59

I think YABU. It's his Christmas night out. But make it clear that (a) you aren't collecting him at 4am or 5am. He'll need to make his own way home and (b) he has to be functioning for the engagement party - not moping about being hungover.

GrabbyGrabby · 22/11/2016 20:00

I wouldn't tell him what to do but I wouldn't give him a lift at 4/5am unless he came up with an amazing 'bribe' for me 😂

It wouldn't bother me if he had a hangover at the party the following night. I'd leave him to it. You aren't responsible for his behaviour.

Do you worry your friends would dissaprove of his behaviour? In my friendship group I think people might think him daft but they would find it funny.