AIBU to ask DP to come home 'early' after works Christmas Do?

[BeccaAnn]

When I say early, I mean 2am, when there is a bus from the place the do is on to the bus centre where we live (20 miles travel or thereabouts) and I offered to pick him him then.

He wants to stay out until 4/5am 'like last year' except last year he didnt have anything else planned during the weekend and we have my friend of 26 years engagement party on sunday. knowing him he wont be functioning until at the least late sunday night and will essentially sleep of the monster hangover.

AIBU to ask him to come home a 2am instead?

Not unreasonable to ask him but unreasonable to tell him or get grumpy if he doesn't. Probably more fair to ask him to be functional for the engagement party rather than try to set a specific time.

Who, under 80, has an engagement party on a Sunday?

I don't think YABU to ask him. I've often asked my DH to come home earlier or to do something and he's done the same as me. It doesn't mean we do it but we think about it and make a decision..YWBU if you told him he had to come home early though.

HWNBU to decide to stay as long as it didn't affect things the next day. DH and I have an agreement that hangovers do not mean sympathy and we're expected to function as normal the next day without complaint because we did it to ourselves. It's the same rule for both of us.

I can't understand adults who can't decide in advance what time they should be back.

Fine if you are 17 to get tanked up and wasted, if you really must, but once you get past the age of about 25 you realise if you have social obligations the day or two after a works bash, then bloody right you have a few beers or whatever, and then go onto non alcoholic drinks.

It really isn't that difficult!!

WTF do people even do between the hours of 2am and 5am anyway? Isn't is just over-excited teenagers who think it's cool to do all nighters?

Trust me, nothing good happens after 2am. No conversation worth listening to happens after 2am. Anyone still drinking just becomes even more of a drunken twat and an embarrassment to themselves after 2am. The only things that are likely to happen between 2am and 5am are all the things a grown adult with a partner and children probably shouldn't be doing and you probably wouldn't want him doing.

Who, under 80, has an engagement party on a Sunday?

Oh please, what an ignorant ageist comment!

Slotted, I sense the MN boards are going to be chock full between now and January with people bemoaning the absence of partners who go out on the lash, with the sole intention of getting completely wasted, missing in action, mobile phone battery dead - lying in a gutter somewhere.

It's desperate depressing stuff.

If I had a works Xmas do and my husband told me what time to come home I'd be pretty pissed off especially if he wanted me home early so I'd be up for HIS friends engagement party the next day. I personally know which one I'd enjoy more. SlottedSpoon don't be such a bore!

I'd rather be a bore than an embarrassing overgrown child who can't control themselves around drink or drugs or casual sex with strangers; the sort who clutter up A&E every weekend and waste the time of the police who are given the job of trying to release them from locked trains in sidings, or picking them up out of the gutters covered in vomit or blood, or soothing the anxious brows of the poor partners who wait at home for them.

Seriously, where do you go and what do you actually do from 2am to 5am, if you've been out drinking and partying with work colleagues since say 7 or 8 pm? Please do tell me, because I am all ears.

If the answer is to carry on drinking, do some drugs, end up at some dodgy lap dancing bar or some dodgy house party hosted by total strangers where you are leaving yourself open to all sorts of bad things happening, then I think I can rest my case.

Besides which, once everyone is totally shitfaced the conversation is either boring, embarrassing or aggressive. Have you never noticed, or are too busy being shitfaced yourself?

Alors Well so long as he's talking to people who are equally pissed then I am sure they find it very scintillating conversation.

But seriously, past a certain point (and 1am or 2 am is pretty much it) there is nothing new or good happening that can't possibly be missed, just all sorts of potential for it to get horribly messy and to end in tears.

Slottedspoon, some people just enjoy different things to you. That doesn't make those things inherently bad.

What would I do between 2 and 5am? Dance, probably. Is there something 'dodgy' about that?

Christmas parties are every year, an engage,net party is once in a lifetime thing (or maybe twice)
disagree, a good night out with work colleagues at xmas is only once a year, other people's engagement parties are 10 a penny and are a tedious new invention to add yet another expense to a wedding.

I agree slotted.

There's nothing smart or clever about staying up most of the night boozing.
I am sure the PPs OH who drinks whiskey ( not sure why that makes a difference) and stays up all night is probably talking rubbish, repeating himself, and probably won't remember it in the morning anyway.
Just all mouth fluff as some drunks tend to do.

Nothing wrong with dancing the night away Obvious and I've done it many times myself in my youth. But the difference is I went out at about 11 or 12 with the intention of dancing in a club that stayed open until 4 and there was very little alcohol or conversation (or drugs on my part at least, can't speak for everyone else, but it was 88-90, so...) and I started late with maybe two or three drinks in me, with the intention of just enjoying the clubbing and the dancing. I didn't fall over drunk because I didn't stay off the dance floor long enough to drink much more. And I didn't have any responsibilities or commitments the following day. I was 22. If I wanted to sleep all day I could.

But this is a work Christmas party and he's a middle aged bloke. He'll already be four drinks down by 8.30pm. What could possibly go wrong if he's still out until 5am?

DH's work party usually goes on until around 5-6 the next morning. It's usually quite good fun but I haven't been for a while due to it being bad timing. This year he will be missing DS2's birthday party because of it.

YABVU to tell him when to come home! He's an adult. I am amazed this would be considered OK.

But they have a longstanding commitment the following day heron surely it's bad form to stay up all night knowing that you RSVPed to another daytime social thing the following day?

Slotted not everyone who stays out until 4 or 5 am are total pricks, some people can handle their booze, some enjoy their friends company, my husband has been out until 1 or 2 in the morning not drinking, or taking drugs or having casual sex, he's been talking to his friend, believe it or not no one ended up in A&E, maybe a kebab house but I think that's as health damaging as it got. Slotted you really sound like such fun!

Why do some people get so judgemental when grown adults stay out all night, just because it's not something they enjoy themselves?

I've gone out to house parties/nights out that have gone on until 5am. The worst thing that happened was eating a shocking amount of kebab and needing a nap the next day!

Not all late nights involve casual sex, booze and a myriad of drugs!

I'm couldn't agree more Hermione, gosh I'm 38 I better not go to bed past 11 and I had better not have more then 3 drinks! Sod that, I barely go out at all anymore so when I do I'm staying out for the duration I fancy. I think the ones who go to these Christmas work do's and get into all sorts of 'trouble' probably have nagging spouses at home!

We have a club that's open until 6am, they have pool tables and a small dance floor. When out on a work do we normally end up there. If I'm honest though, if I've been drinking I don't normally last past 2 but I'm normally the designated driver (by choice I'm not really a drinker) and on those occasions I have been known to be boogying until 6 and kicked out at closing - quick stop by maccy DS for breakfast and then go home hahaha! I work with my DP though and we don't have DC yet so he is out with me on these occasions.

I think to determine if YABU I would like to know if he goes out every weekend or if the Christmas do is a one off for him. If it's the latter, I think it's unreasonable to tell him what time to be home!

I am guessing the Christmas bash in Friday night, in which case YABU. Either way it wouldn't bother me, there is no way I would be doing a pick up at 2AM.

Now If DH wanted to stay out until 5:30 that's fine, I usually wake up at that time then he could spend the day in bed.

Can't believe how many people thing staying out until the early hours is a bad thing when you are past 25 and that you are up to no good.

SlottedSpoon talks sense. 😀

Whilst I wouldn't impose a curfew I'd wonder what on earth was happening after 2am that was so unmissable.

Ilovetorrentialrain

But sometimes you are just having a laugh with the people you are out with and don't want to keep checking the time to make sure you are home at a certain time. Obviously if it's a regular thing it's not very considerate but if it's a one off I don't see the problem.
Also to everyone posting about the engagement party, how do you know that was planned first? We have known our works xmas night out date since early September!