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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask DP to come home 'early' after works Christmas Do?

106 replies

BeccaAnn · 22/11/2016 19:02

When I say early, I mean 2am, when there is a bus from the place the do is on to the bus centre where we live (20 miles travel or thereabouts) and I offered to pick him him then.

He wants to stay out until 4/5am 'like last year' except last year he didnt have anything else planned during the weekend and we have my friend of 26 years engagement party on sunday. knowing him he wont be functioning until at the least late sunday night and will essentially sleep of the monster hangover.

AIBU to ask him to come home a 2am instead?

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 22/11/2016 20:03

You cant set a curfew, you can tell him when you intended to go to bed and that you expect him to make his own arrangements to get home after that time.

I would be fascinated to know which of his co-workers will still be out at 5am and what they will be doing.

QueenMortificado · 22/11/2016 20:03

Clopy you were my inspiration!

ClopySow · 22/11/2016 20:07

it was a truly beautiful time Queen, truly beautiful

Hellmouth · 22/11/2016 20:11

He's an adult. If he's hungover at the engagement party, that's his own problem.

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 22/11/2016 20:12

I think YABU to tell him what time to leave a party, especially one that only happens once a year. He's a grown man. However I also think he would be U to be hungover the following evening.

GeorgeTheThird · 22/11/2016 20:12

I wouldn't even be picking him up at 2.

Can't you tell him to get a hotel then you don't need to bother about him at all? Much easier.

Bertucci · 22/11/2016 20:18

He's an adult. You can't tell him what time to come home. I wouldn't pick him up though. Do you have children?

I always suggest a hotel if dh has a do. I struggle to sleep if I'm wondering what time he will be back.

Puddington · 22/11/2016 20:20

I think you could ask him to consider it as it would be a pain to be really hungover at the party the next day but if he says no there's not a lot you can do really... Just don't be overly nice to him if he does wake up with a banging headache after he's been warned Grin I'm joking, although DP and I are both thinking about missing our respective Christmas dos this year in favour of sitting at home in pyjamas with hot chocolate. We are still in our 20s! Blush

NavyandWhite · 22/11/2016 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatnersBassoon · 22/11/2016 20:25

I feel the same NavyandWhite. I can't remember the last time I stayed up until tomorrow.

Do discotheques open that late these days?

Dingarees · 22/11/2016 20:31

YABU it's awful having a curfew on a party. Fine for a child not OK for an adult. Just tell him he has to be at the engagement party regardless.

clumsyduck · 22/11/2016 20:33

I very rarely have big nights out these days but if I do I never tell dp when il be back if I end up in a club till 4am then dp would honestly be fine with it however the likely hood is I wouldn't stay out that late through my own choice and no way would I if it would impact on existing plans

So no don't order him to do anything but also I wouldn't be sat up all night untill he was ready for his lift !!

HuskyLover1 · 22/11/2016 20:33

It takes 5 days to get over a night out?? That would only make sense if he is drinking battery acid and doing drugs?

clumsyduck · 22/11/2016 20:35

Husky I don't think this is happening as we speak assume she means a Friday /sat in December

HummusForBreakfast · 22/11/2016 20:37

Christmas parties are every year, an engage,net party is once in a lifetime thing (or maybe twice).

Agree that I wouldn't tell him to come back early, I would point out to him that coming to the engagement party drunk is extremely rude, what would he think if people had done that for HIS engagement party etc...

I suspect though that he sees that that YOUR party and not HIS party, aka yes he is invited but only as your DH and therefore can afford to not come/make himself sparse etc...

LemonSqueezy0 · 22/11/2016 20:38

I'd be a bit resentful if my OH told me how long I could stay out for etc as I'm a grown up. Is this a one off - annual Christmas party that is important to him but unfortunately clashes with your friends engagement party that is important to you- or do you feel like he always puts his partying ways before you? If it's the former then YABVU, give him a break. If it's the latter, you need to make changes

NavyandWhite · 22/11/2016 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iklboo · 22/11/2016 20:41

Bloody hell. I feel decadent if I stay out till 9pm!

CockacidalManiac · 22/11/2016 20:41

What about the Palais De Danse?

Original poster
BeccaAnn · 22/11/2016 20:58

We don't have our respective children this weekend but it's the first one in a couple of months we've both been 'free'. I was just shocked at him saying 4/5am when he's normally exhausted by 12ish when we're out or with friends. We've talked and he's coming home early as none of the 'usual crowd' are out late.

OP posts:
Ilovetorrentialrain · 22/11/2016 20:59

Hangover-wise I don't think there will be much difference between 2am and 4am.

Agree with those saying as he's an adult just leave him to it - so long as he's aware of the commitment tothe engagement party, it's his lookout.

Also - agree - who wants to be out at that time? Midsomer Murders won't watch itself & all that.

Thefishewife · 22/11/2016 21:02

He not 18 year old

Tbh if my husband tried to tell me how much. To drink or when to come home I would think him controlling

If yur happy for him to tell you what time to home when your out then fair play

Matchingbluesocks · 22/11/2016 21:03

How he can he decide what time he wants to come home so Far in advance? Hmm

applesandpears86 · 22/11/2016 22:06

Who decides what time they're coming home so far in advance?!

OP sounds like he's just testing you, his colleagues might not even stay out late/he might be tired etc.

Just tell him if it's any later than 2am you're not picking him up and remind him about the party.

Btw if I had an engagement party on a sunday i wouldn't think it was disrespectful if people turned up hungover. That sounds very entitled.

Mindtrope · 22/11/2016 22:21

It's his decision to make,

If he prioritises making himself ill at his works do over the engagement party with you, then that't his choice.

Maybe your OH isn't so keen on the engagement party as you are?

Mind you my OH doesn't go to his work christmas do, and the idea of an engagement party sounds like hell.

If OH and I had a weekend without the kids we would knock both nights on he head and find some things that are far more fun to do.