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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To do this

64 replies

underwalter · 21/11/2016 19:30

Have no one to spend Christmas with.

AIBU to put up a Facebook status saying if anything can stand to have me I'd be happy.

Or am I just going to make people feel uncomfortable?

OP posts:

GeillisTheWitch · 21/11/2016 19:32

I'm sorry you have nobody to spend it with OP. I'm not sure I'd make that post publicly though, could you pm a couple of people that you would like to spend it with and see what they say?

HotCheesePiece · 21/11/2016 19:32

Whereabouts are you? If you're near me, you'd be most welcome.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 21/11/2016 19:34

Someone on my local FB page has offered to have elderly, vulnerable or lonely people (often all three) at their house for family Christmas dinner.
I thought this was a lovely idea, it's a sad fact that many people will be alone around this time of year.
I don't know how you could reach out to these people and whether you'd be happy to have strange people in your house? I suppose it'd be easier with a family of 6 to turf a horrible person out than if you were on your own, so maybe this isn't very helpful.

Sorry you don't have anyone to share it with.
Would you consider volunteering at a care home or homeless shelter?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 21/11/2016 19:35

Ah I've come at this from the wrong angle.
Have you any friends you could ask openly?

PurpleDaisies · 21/11/2016 19:37

I wouldn't put it on Facebook, but I'd approach a few people I knew and ask. If you offer to come just for a few hours and bring something I'm sure someone will be glad to have you.

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 21/11/2016 19:40

I wouldn't put up a status like that, but perhaps something along the lines of "quiet Christmas for me this year. Binge watching Netflix - i better stock mince pies and Baileys for one. Bliss!"

Someone is sure to come back with comments and it might start a dialogue that will end in an invitation.

Like a PP said, you can come to ours if you're local. We're having a 97 year old lady come to our family dinner. I bet we'll hear lots of stories!

Fluffsnuts · 21/11/2016 19:40

Where are you? We're off to my mums in Cumbria, but you'd be very welcome.

OhBlissOhJoy · 21/11/2016 19:42

I'm on my own too OP. It's going to be my first on my own and am dreading it. Keep dropping massive hints but no one has offered yet

Mrsemcgregor · 21/11/2016 19:50

Oh OP I would feel terrible if someone I knew was alone at xmas and didn't want to be. I would make a post, I am sure it won't come across as weird or make anyone uncomfortable. I am also sure you will get an offer.

Dropping hints is rarely enough to get an offer and makes people uncomfortable because they won't be sure if you want an invite or not. Just ask outright.

harderandharder2breathe · 21/11/2016 19:53

Whenever I've mentioned to people I'm spending Christmas alone they very often immediately offer to have me to theirs! I then have to assure them that actually this is what I want! Many people have a horror of anyone alone at Christmas so I'm sure you'd have offers

YerTiz · 21/11/2016 19:54

I think go for it! Facebook would be a much better place if people were more genuine about life and their needs. If someone I knew put a message up like that I'd invite them around, even if just for a quick catch up/tea and mince pies if we already had other plans to juggle.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 21/11/2016 19:56

Do you have friends or family? One year my sister asked a friend of hers and her son to join us. Was a pleasure. Is that an option. Or possibly could you help at a care home. Not ideal I know but?

Deelovelock · 21/11/2016 19:58

I would not drop hints, I would outright ask. Something like "I don't fancy spending Christmas alone his year - does anyone want to do something with me?"

WankingMonkey · 21/11/2016 19:58

Most people would take that status as a joke IMO, and may reply with 'funny' 'forever alone' type replies.

Its odd that noone has offered. One of my friends is single, has no family at all and every year is invited to spend xmas with loads of people. He has issues deciding whos to go to without offending the rest!

formerbabe · 21/11/2016 20:05

Its odd that noone has offered

I don't think it's odd. I think most people will assume everyone has somewhere to go. I bet if they knew, they'd offer.

MrsChrisPratt · 21/11/2016 20:08

If I knew you, I'd have you over for sure. And using Facebook is fine, people should be more open on there. Generally if you need help/support/love/company you just need to ask, there is always someone who is happy to give it.

ghostspirit · 21/11/2016 20:12

I would put it on fb. I would not ask directly I think that puts pressure on people. But an open one on the fb would be fine and there is more chance of someone popping up and offering

thescarftwins · 21/11/2016 20:14

My dad was widowed a few years ago (step mum) and he wanted to spend the day working at a homeless charity. He said he had a wonderful day, took his mind off everything, and business as usual come Boxing Day.

He did, however, have the option of various family members, but he loved it. And often goes back as and when he can.

Lots of elderly are alone at Christmas too, you may wind up having a wonderful Christmas with new people

MNHQ

FlissMumsnet · 21/11/2016 20:18

We do encourage all our members to remember that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're often amazed by the immense support our members give one another, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Debinaboat · 21/11/2016 20:21

I think it would be fine to put out an invite to any of your friends on FB ask if anyone is on their own and would like to come to yours for lunch ,
It might prompt a few invitations to you , you might find you are welcome to join someone , they just didn't know you were to be alone .
or you might have a couple of people ask to join you at yours .

Witchend · 21/11/2016 20:22

For me I think a status like that is okay.

If we were around, and just our family, we'd happily invite you. If we weren't, I wouldn't feel under pressure to invite you.
Problem with asking directly is that people can feel pressurised to have you. Even if you say "no pressure". You also can end up asking a lot of people and feeling very unwelcome.

I do occasionally do "Need a babysitter for X date. Can you Pm me if you can do it?"
That way people don't feel under pressure if they see you've got no response etc. Some of my friends do similar, and I like that as it gives me chance to think before being put on the spot. I've also offered a teen as an alternative, which again doesn't put the parent under pressure if they're not happy with a teen-they can always say they've had other offers,

SaucyJack · 21/11/2016 20:27

I think it's fine actually. You could always ask people to PM you rather than have to do it all publicly.

Whatever you don't, DON'T do that "Donner for one. Bliss!" post suggested above. Don't muck about misleading people. If you're not happy staying on your own and you want an invite then say so.

Original poster

underwalter · 21/11/2016 20:43

Thanks. I don't want to ask people directly because they'd probably feel obliged to say yes and I wasn't trying to hint to anyone here either, sorry if it was taken that way!

OP posts:

PenguinsandPebbles · 21/11/2016 20:56

please don't do the dinner for one whilst eating a mince pie!

If you want company ask, someone will invite you

I have spent Christmas on my own and it was great :)

blueturtle6 · 21/11/2016 21:03

Do you have friends who's other halves work Xmas day,maybe worthwhile asking them, mine is working so dd and I are off to the park all afternoon, with hot chocolate in a thermos and mince pies, then home for a Xmas movie. Not traditional but making the most of it.

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