Aibu to expect people to help themselves in their own lives?

[Lazymazy1]

Have wanted to be a social worker for many years, have a degree and was looking to do a MSc.
However, doing voluntary work with a family who are in a very chaotic position, who won't help themselves, ie getting pregnant again whilst effectively homeless. Not taking control of things which will make a big difference in their current situation.

It isn't a case of can't, but won't help themselves, perhaps ingrained.

Am I being unreasonable ? Or are there good reasons why people just won't help themselves?

I have spend the last 15 years working in foyers, hostel, homeless shelters as a support worker mainly with 18-25 year olds and it can be very frustrating when people won't take responsibility for there life and help to make it better. Sometimes no matter how much help you give, no matter how much you think you've got x in a good place and there be OK they come back in the same position yet again.
It's my job to support and help them and I will always do that but I do have frustrating days

Maybe social work isn't for you OP?

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Unfortunately, you can 'envisage helping' as many people as you like - but chances are, they won't match your very specific 'criteria' of who deserves help and support.

I wonder what you would have made of me?

portia

This.

Ah, the " deserving" poor argument...you can't make decisions for them though, you can steer and encourage and enable, but ultimately you have to give people the dignity of ploughing their own furrows (or not, as the case may be). In challenging circumstances or hopeless situations (as they may perceive it) people often make impulsive choices. Ultimately, you have to meet them "where they are at".

I was a teenage Mum and didn't need the judgement I got for a contraceptive failure. The sneering ante natal class had me in tears so I went once and that was all.

To work in the public sector with people in this situation you have to be able to hold two ideas in your head at once. Yes, sometimes the disordering people's lives is frustrating to watch, but there is always a reason behind it, some sort of perverse logic, even more so when people have the dice weighted against them because of ill-health, poverty, drugs, that kind of thing. Essentially being deprived means having a massive cognitive burden which means people sometimes - often - make abysmal choices by the standards of professionals, but they are still entitled to help and compassion. Eventually some of them will get sorted. That's all we can hope for. And I don't think chivvying people along to make better decisions is enabling them when the alternative is death or extreme anguish.

disorder in

Who the hell does anyone think they are that they can look down on others.

No you're not being unreasonable at all, but apparently the role of the social worker is to say "there there, poor you, let's give you coping strategies" rather than ask people what the fuck they are playing at and giving out large grips.

I was in the grip of alcohol addiction when SS became involved with me. Long history of severe mental illness, and I'd fled domestic violence. My children were at risk of harm and neglect due to my drinking and highly unstable mental health.

How would you have dealt with me, OP?

I'm also wondering how those who organised your volunteering position would feel about you posting on a public forum, rather than expressing or communicating your concerns to them.

I did a counselling course and it was pretty much mandatory that if you had an issue with a potential client, you spoke to a supervisor about your concerns. I'm imagining that there's something of a cross-over regarding social care and similar ethical dilemmas. Should you not be discussing these thoughts with someone connected to your position?

well yes 'coping strategies' would be a start Luna - something wrong with that?

beauty

Me too. I was lucky in that the social workers and my son's foster carer saw the potential for change, rather than writing me off.

To pick up on what a few people have said - Every family a social worker deals with is not in chaos. Some families have a social worker because they have a severely disabled child and (around here) you cannot access the more specialised respite care without having one.

www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/clinical-support-staff/social-worker

Interesting reading

Jess, I'm a little bit familiar with your story - I think you and I walked the same path for a while!

Luna: That's the difficult thing, isn't it? How do you empathise and help people without colluding with them in risky behaviour? I think you have to approach them with understanding of their reasons without condoning what harms them or others. Very difficult.

How would they help themselves in this scenario, out of interest? Do you want them to have an abortion, avoid having sex - what?

If you were effectively homeless, how do you think this might affect you psychologically? Do you think you'd be cool calm and rational like you are now?

I'm sorry for those who have had shitty dealings with social services but for posters tarring all social workers with the same brush, fuck right off, eh? My dad is a social worker and he helps kids and their carers for a living and he is incredible.
I don't say all midwives are judgemental and incompetent just because the ones I dealt with having my son were bitches.

OP, people's brains work differently. Does it matter how people got where they got - we still have a duty to help them. I wonder if you vote Tory.
Life can be hard. It can be hard for mental health and emotional reasons, or because of a person's experiences, in ways that are invisible. Things as simple as getting dressed in the morning can feel impossible, for complex reasons.
In NLP they teach that people always have a positive reason for what they do. THe logic may be twisted and counterproductive and you may not be able to understand it, but saying they "won't" help themselves achieves nothing except maybe making you feel better about yourself.
That is not what empathy is.

funnyandwittyusername - do you read the Daily Mail?

I'm sorry for those who have had shitty dealings with social services but for posters tarring all social workers with the same brush, fuck right off, eh? My dad is a social worker and he helps kids and their carers for a living and he is incredible.

Quite right. Social workers must be one of the most maligned professions, if not the most. If they take kids into care, they're baby snatchers. If they don't act, they're held responsible for cases like Baby P. Whatever they do, the public hates them.

Ofcourse there are good reasons why people "won't" help themselves. Primarily because they don't have the necessary life experiences and capabilities to make the choices you and your degree take for granted! Seriously if you lack even that basic understanding then please have a good long think about whether social work is really for you. It's not about sweeping in like a caped crusader to sprinkle your social superiority over the great unwashed, it's about putting judgement to one side and helping vulnerable people to help themselves. They're not going to fall at your feet in gratitude and suddenly be cured of their inferior ways. You're talking about the effects of generations of problems in some cases, it's far more complicated than "I tell you what to do and the magically everything will be super".

Empathy is on the list of skills on that role link and posting on a public forum is not empathic.

You quite obviously don't understand any of the issues that make 'thinking of the children' difficult for some people. Don't become a social worker, we have enough to deal with already.