Aibu to expect people to help themselves in their own lives?

[Lazymazy1]

Have wanted to be a social worker for many years, have a degree and was looking to do a MSc.
However, doing voluntary work with a family who are in a very chaotic position, who won't help themselves, ie getting pregnant again whilst effectively homeless. Not taking control of things which will make a big difference in their current situation.

It isn't a case of can't, but won't help themselves, perhaps ingrained.

Am I being unreasonable ? Or are there good reasons why people just won't help themselves?

You should want to be a social worker from a desire to help, not to judge. Sometimes you will be required to judge: is this risky, is this responsible? But your motivation shouldn't be about this. Think long and hard about why you want to do this.

Isn't the training in Social Work supposed to help you understand the reasons why people don't always make the best choices so you can understand the clients better? Before I did my teaching degree (in days before t'internet) I had no idea about why children behaved the way they do, how their home life impacted on behaviour, learning, etc. Once I'd done a bit of psychology I started to understand a bit better and after teaching for a while, it became to be what I expected. Saying that the OP shouldn't be a Social Worker seems a bit short sighted.

Some people are just disaster-magnets, unfortunately. It isn't always poor life choices.

I don't think you are cut out to be a social worker. (I am one).

It requires a total shift in perspective and thinking as to why these situations occur. Yes, it can be frustrating but you need to understand the underlying causation of such situations and you don't seem to have that. I'm not saying it can't be learn't but you need to want to understand it. And it doesn't sound like you do. It will make working as a social worker unfulfilling, difficult and soul destroying for you.

Of course there's a good reason for them to act in this way and not help themselves. There's entire industries supporting these individuals. For every bad decision made there's youth workers/support workers/social workers/police/teachers/health workers to apply some there there cream and help them until their next stupid decision costing the tax payers 100s of 1000s a year. Take away that safety net and the problem would be solved in a generation

YANBU finding it frustrating, you are maybe BU expecting everyone to run their lives like you run yours.

Some people simply don't see the effect their choices will have on their longer term lives. particularly with having babies. Or they desperately want something to make them happy in the middle of the chaos, hence getting pregnant, getting a dog, getting into debt for consumer goods etc.

I don't think I would make a good social worker, as far as I can make out a lot of the time you're helping the same people out of the same messes again and again. But OTOH you are there for them, and in the long run maybe their lives become a bit less chaotic than they would have been without your input.

Why do you want to be a social worker, OP?

I totally understand why you get frustrated with people like this and I am the same but honestly I don't think you are cut out for social work. Your head would be so sore from constantly banging it against a brick wall.

Yes, some people's poor choices can be extremely exasperating for those working with them, but, unfortunately, real life is messy and there are numerous obstacles in place to some people when it comes to making what seems to be a sensible decision.

If you haven't yet grasped this, as an aspring social work student, then you need to re-consider your future career. If people didn't have chaotic, complicated lives, then there wouldn't be nearly so much call for social work as a profession.

SW as a career- Yes I had come to that conclusion myself !
I just want to ensure children have the best care , security and homelife as possible.

I got the drugs/ alcohol , MH,learning disabilities leading to difficulties making the best decisions, but others?

Badknee makes perfect sense. How are people meant to help themselves ever, if they have people rallying around them picking up the pieces , the consequences do not seem to affect the service users only society.

People land in chaos / trouble through no fault of their own . It is these people I had vies of coming across mainly but not the majority making the crap decisions making their lives worse.
Thanks for the replies, I just wanted to understand.

Obviously children are important but social workers help adults too, OP. And actually, many people live lives that we might not choose to live ourselves (in terms of their relationships, financial choices, reproductive choices) without their family lives being dysfunctional. You sound like a typical pearl-clutching 'won't someone think of the children' in your last post. That isn't what people with problems need. I suggest you stay well back.

Everyone should absolutely think of the children. I make no apology for that.

My friend didn't choose to be infertile, then have her family disown her when she adopted, or for her adopted dc to get into drugs and crime, or for her husband to run off with her best friend, or to have long-term ill-health, or - in the last week, have an accident and end up in hospital so she couldn't go on holiday.

Shit happens, but it seems to happen more often to people who are down already.

It is a difficult situation and very important to be non judgemental. However I think it's equally as important to be able to question and challenge in a supportive way if possible.

People's decisions are often deep rooted in their own childhood and early relationships which means they are immersed in chaos and unable to think about consequences of their actions. This is why early intervention is so important.

Dear god! Please don't visit yourself on vulnerable people. I live around a lot of them and you know what? I wouldn't want to swap places all the money in the world.

I agree with trifle - in fact, and correct me if I'm wrong, I believe trifle is a secondary school teacher - another career where a willingness to help should over-ride the willingness to judge. Please don't do SW, OP.

'Everyone should absolutely think of the children. I make no apology for that.'

You have no idea why some don't or can't. You don't make the world a better place by being judgemental.

Yeah, no don't be a social worker, you are lacking insight, and if you haven't developed at least some insight by now, you are probably fundamentally unable to truly wear another person's shoes. Go and work somewhere that will welcome your pearl clutching judgmentalism.

Not all learning disabilities are diagnosed.
Sometimes, one person in a family creates the instability.
Sometimes the way a whole extended family interacts is the cause of the problems - can be extremely difficult for one person to break away from that.
Fear of change.
Not seeing any need for change....

As I said above, life is complicated.

It is annoying when you see somebody that doesn't help themselves and takes no responsibility for themselves but that is the way some people are unfortunately.

Maybe social work isn't the best way for you to go?

Yam I'm talking about people who make their own choices not when shit happens. Your friend is who I envisaged helping.

Waffles you're about as off the mark as you can get. You determine this from me asking about people making poor decisions? Inflicting misery on themselves?

" The op sounds like most social workers I know - judgmental without an ounce of sympathy or insight. Think she would fit right in "

yep I agree - I think OP would make a great social worker, sounds just like the others I have had the misfortune to have dealt with...

Not denying that children should always be thought of, OP. I am just getting the feeling that you might lack the necessary empathy with your clients, but also the necessary objectivity, to act compassionately as well as responsibly in very complex situations. If you want to embark upon a children's crusade, get a job with a children's charity. Social workers need to be willing to help vulnerable people even when those people have a level of culpability for their situations.