to just leave at my normal time?

[Chilver]

My office has mandated training in a certain day. My daughter's (nearly 5yo) first play, where she has lines, is on the same day at 5.15pm. She is very excited and talks loads about me seeing her in her first play. My commute is 1.05mins.

I asked the office director if there was an agenda as yet for the day as I would be gutted to miss the play and want to see if I could leave at 4pm. (It could potentially also be my last day at work for the year). He has responded with a cheery 'the agenda runs from 9am-5pm. Your request cannot be accommodated. Sorry!'

My contracted hours are 9am-4.30pm with flexible start and end times; I work 8am to 4.30pm every day. Could I just leave at 4.30 and hope I get there to at least hear my daughter's part? Or should I stay until 5pm and miss the play entirely. Or just walk out anyway at 4pm??? AIBU to be pissed particularly at his cheery response (he hasn't actually got the detailed agenda from trainer, just a generic block time)??

Sorry folks, this won't be popular but really, read all this and then tell me are you surprised that bosses and colleagues get fed up with working mums and demands to accommodate our needs? What if a child free colleague wants to spend time with his cat? Work is work and we need to just get on and be productive employees and colleagues, as it does all working mums no favours if something we CHOSE to do, makes us think we need special treatment. Many of these replies suggest really unprofessional conduct, ignore them

Sorry if already said before, I haven't read the whole thread, but, when I've gone for training, more often than not we have left early. This may be the case or you may be able to have a word with the person running the actual training to let them know your situation as they may be able to help you out a bit.

Your boss is a dick.
You can catch up on what happened in the last hour with a colleague.
The school play will only happen once!
Life is too fucking short to bow down to dick head office Hitler's who think their word is gods word! Fuck him/her and go to the play!
No one at the training will notice or care if you are missing... your kid will!
Grrrrr! I had a boss like that once. I ended up moving departments. Now my boss is an angel sent for heaven!
Rant over!
Good luck!

I just don't see the need to try and dodge a part of training when you had already been told by the office Director you weren't to leave early. I wonder what would have happened if other 2 staff members also had appointments that night? I also don't see why you went to your boss when the Office Director had already made a decision especially if your DH was going to the concert. What are you going to do about school nativities, sports days etc? Run to your boss and demand time off because you want to attend as a couple?

floey, you are ridiculous. Looking after a child is not the same as looking after a cat. People have responsibilities outside work - they might have doctor's appointments, elderly relatives, children - whatever. And if workplaces are too shortsighted to accommodate that when it makes no difference to them whatsoever (as it often doesn't), then a) they are actually sailing close to the wind in terms of the law, and sometimes breaking it; and b) need not to be surprised if they lose talented and committed men and women who could have done a fantastic job for them if only the fact that they were human beings as well as employees had been acknowledged once in a while.

Since I had kids my job comes second and my kids come first. Your boss is very Un child friendly so if I were you teach him that that's not good etiquette by leaving at your normal time. I have lied and god knows what else to attend xmas plays and sports days and kids hospital appointments because they are what matters. I will continue to do so as long as is necessary. I want to give up work due to having 3 you g kids but my husband won't let me so I just improvise . It's not easy though and the guilt is awful but I'd be at that play with bells on. My boss is such an ass he tried to keep me in work on the day of my kids parent teacher meetings with my husband abroad. I nearly missed them and was a half hour late but the school accommodated me. From that day on I decided to put up with no more crap. Kids come first.

It is not something we choose to do OP !!!! I do not choose to work. I have to work and will not see my kids heartbroken coz I do t show up to their stuff. It's not good enought as a parent. And if the person is not needed to preform a medically necessary surgical procedure then she shd go. No need to ring in sick or be un professional , just leave at her normal time.

Definitely call in sick! No job is worth disappointing your child for. This is the kind of thing that's really important to kids. And the pp who said 'what if a child free colleague wants to spend time with his cat' what bollocks it really, really is in no way anywhere near the same thing. You're talking about a small human person who will be devastated if their Mummy doesn't show up to see their big moment. When I was childfree and worked I understood that kids have to come first. Even other people's kids!

I agree with viques- if you take whole day sickie or get bolshie about leaving at 4.30 (when you need to leave at 4 anyway) it will cause grief - however cutting out early is less likely to be followed up. If the trainer seems pleasant or anyone else on course you know/ trust i would explain you have to cut out early for " emergency doctor/ dentist appointment " and ask for notes if poss. I defi wouldn't confess it's for dc play no matter how unmissable that seems! Enjoy it - they grow up too quick and the last hour of a course will never be as important or memorable as seeing the play! Good luck!

I was going to suggest that yu ask the other two attendees and trainers if they can start at 8am that day, or 8.30 and compress the training - maybe you can suggest this to your actual (non-dick) boss next week?

I have been to many a training that is booked in for hours in the diary, but never lasts to the end - they put in more time in case of loads of questions or whatever. I'm sure you'll finish by 4pm anyway - how much can there really be to say about a new project filing system? (I say this as a Prince2 qualified PM )

Your boss is a dick. You can catch up on what happened in the last hour with a colleague. The school play will only happen once! Life is too fucking short to bow down to dick head office Hitler's who think their word is gods word! Fuck him/her and go to the play! No one at the training will notice or care if you are missing... your kid will!

Charming.

Has your company paid for you four to have this specialist training?

I've just signed off on an eye watering sum for my team to attend some software training in another city.

It's imperative my staff attend and I'd be unimpressed at their commitment if I'd paid for them to receive professional development and they were planning a sickie or thought I was a dick for insisting they attend.

Whoever was performing.

It sounds like you're giving your boss and extra 5 hours each week if you start at 8. It seems unfair to say the least that there is no flexibility on his part to give you 30 mins back. I'd say no problem but start at 9am and ensure that you are as inflexible back. Easier said than done I know, but it would be a very effective way of making a point. you could book annual leave this day if you have any, or at least request so that he fully understands how important it is that you are there. He sounds awful, it's only a one-off!

To those who say that their kids are more important than work, that's fine. However, don't then complain about lack of opportunities, promotions, pay rises etc.

When I was in primary etc they had different shows so parents who worked it couldn't make it could attend another. Don't they do this anymore?

Wow there are some seriously unprofessional people on here.

No way no way no way should you miss the play. There will be a million more boring training sessions. There will never be another play with your daughter aged five! My kids are all teenagers now and I agonised over stuff like this when they were little - I'm a single mum and could never afford not to work- and I missed assemblies and trips when I was under pressure from bosses. And I regret it SO MUCH and would give anything to have the chance again. If I did have it again, I would always always put my kids first and to hell with work - who cares what your boss thinks? He isn't going to sack you for missing some training as a one off! I hope so much you just go for it! Good luck xxx

Good result OP. My boss has 4 children and understands work life balance

What has the boss having children got to do with it.

And what rubbish about lack of pay rises and promotions - you don't have to miss your kid's school play in order to be a really excellent employee, and thAnkfully many employers now recognise that.

I agree Stealth

I'm glad I don't work with some of the dishonest and unprofessional people who've posted - I don't include the OP in that.

O dear PrettyBotanicals! You sound like you have an upside down set of priorities. You know that thing that no one ever says on their deathbed? "I wish I'd missed my child's school play so I could go to the essential expensive training in another city and hadn't give my boss reason to doubt my commitment!"

WIFEWORK??? Wtaf? Have I gone back in time?

PrettyBotanicals presumably has to manage a budget and ensure that training and development targets are met.