To be annoyed that mother-in-law is doing my kids' Christmas stocking?

[Nickname1980]

Ok first world problem.

This is really bugging me and I think I am being unreasonable but I can't help it!

Anyway. I made my DCs' Christmas stockings this year, a bad knit job, but I'm proud of them as I can't make anything much. Anyway, yesterday, MIL says "oh I found my kids' old stockings! So I'm going to fill them up for your children on Christmas Day. You can hang them at the end of their beds in the morning" blah blah blah.

Immediately I replied "oh thank you" because I was surprised and I am basically a people pleaser and didn't want to say no.

She then said it would bring so much joy to her and her mother (their great granny) to do that together, that they've already started buying the gifts.

Then I told her that I'd already knitted the kids' stockings because I really don't want her to take over. She replied "oh well, these are heirlooms!"

Am I being mean that I don't want her to do their stockings? That she had her chance to do it when her kids were little and that it's my turn now?

She does a lot for us, and tries really hard, and utterly dotes on my DC. Am I just being totally selfish and should I let her do this?

I know. Total first world problems. I wonder if I should just feel lucky that she wants to be so involved?!? But I just feel a bit annoyed that she's trying to take over.

DS has Christmas Day stocking from Santa and Boxing Day stocking from Grandma.

My mum has stockings at her house but has never stopped doing them for my siblings and I. They have no children.
We get the on the 26th/27th and its part of the present from her. Not Santa.
I'd be annoyed if there was more than one from Santa and I'm doing that bit. It's not negotiable.

Advent calendars can be tricky. Mine have 3 every year (mine and one from each grandparent) and I've started holding the other 2 back. I don't want my children to be spoilt and overwhelmed with possessions. I think it takes the magic out of it.....and DH and I only had one growing up.
Everything's more commercial and availabile in supermarkets now. I only remember getting presents from grandparents at Christmas and birthdays and an Easter egg.
My children get Halloween goody bags and toys from each side. They get choc and sweets from mil on Valentine's Day too......a line has to be drawn somewhere!

Is it a case of having two though? I read the OP as the MIL wanting to do the stocking INSTEAD of MIL.
If that's the case, I can totally see why OP would be upset, and feel like it's something she wants to do for her own children.
If it is actually two and MIL doesn't mind mum doing one as well, that's lovely. Two stockings. Do yours Xmas Day, hers Boxing Day or something like that.
I suspect that's not the case though, and I don't understand how anyone can try and take over like that if so.
You might think you're being kind, but it's totally trampling over others.

Maybe I have a particularly nice mother in law but I don't see how this even became an issue. When she said she wanted to use her family heirloom stockings why didn't you just reply 'oh what a lovely thought, sorry but I've already got stockings and presents, it's one of the fun bits of being a mum isn't it?!' Followed by 'why don't you let them have it when we visit you?' Or 'why don't you do one for DH again, I'm sure he'd love that!' Depending on whether you mind them having two.
Agreeing she could do it and then being irritated and trying to undo what you agreed to is bound to cause stress.

This thread reminds me of why im still on mumsnet even though I am a nanny, MIL, and step ones as well.
I really hope I get it right but mow Im wondering whether I should be asking if I am supposed to be making stockings
Is it really a thing? Grandparents making stockings when their own children are adults with children of their own?
At the great age of 60 I have never come across anyone other than parents doing this.
Sometimes I feeel that mumsnet is a parallel universe!

Which is why I, and many others, said that the best response would be "How lovely. I'm going to use my ones for Christmas morning at our house- it will be lovely for them to have the heirloom ones when we come to visit you. Then you can have the fun of watching the opening"

If she objects or ignores then bring in the big guns. But try a solution that makes everyone happy first.

Why do that Bertrand when we can have a perfectly good and needless argument with an evil MIL.

It's like you don't know MN at all for these things. Please desist from your logical and dull solutions that will never start a massive argument for our entertainment.

Sorry.......

Thank you.

OP please accept her stockings, then burn them in front of her, all the while repeating "my turn now" with a wry smile.

There. Much better.

My MIL has always done a stocking for DD, but it's not the stocking Santa fills, it's just a stocking at MILs house she opens with her presents from PIL. When she was very small MIL would claim Santa had filled it but as it wasn't the stocking that was hung up empty on Christmas eve and found filled on Christmas morning it never had the same impact.

I would have drawn the line at MIL wanting to fill DDs actual stocking, that's my job. MIL had three children of her own and had her turn.

I'd let them have both Stockings. What kid wouldn't like that? I'm looking forward to mine knowing Santa isn't real anyway. I always slip up by remarking on the cost of a present and my partner glaring at me and making up a story. It's too hard keeping the 'Magic' going.

My mum is the same. She lost her husband this year though so I'm letting it slide as she'll only get all "well I won't buy them anything then". I'm doing a little stocking myself though

Can't they just have 2? How lovely - a special one from grandma too!

I totally disagree with posters who think the OP is being mean or precious.

It's about boundaries. It's not really that hard or difficult so I also disagree with the poster who said Grandparents can't do right for wrong.

It boils down to a simple concept. Empathy.

Any MIL who can imagine the joy some mums get from filling their kids' Stockings wouldn't dream of interfering or crossing that boundary. And sorry it's bullshit that it's innocent and 'for the kids'.

A grandparent can shower their grandchildren with any number of presents at Christmas, from them, as would be normal.

But trying to over take traditions is narcissistic. It's trying to have it all. It just would never occur to me, unless asked or to help out financially, to do my grandchild's stocking.

It's a right of passage, one of the few joyous and traditional ocassions, making memories for your own children at Christmas. Grandparents of course should be part of that. Because ideally it's about family too. But why step on toes with that kind of thing?

I lost my mum young. I had a pretty shit childhood. Making Stockings for my three children, Wrapping all the little gifts in pretty paper, seeing their faces as they open them is HUGELY important and cathartic for me. I've worked hard, been through the mire, done most of the raising and I like to do these traditions in a way which I couldn't experience.

I think anyone with an ounce of empathy wouldn't dream of denying someone that. My ILs are a big part of our Christmas. See the kids lots, buy them lovely gifts, play games. MIL makes a mean Xmas cake. But I'd cry actually if someone took some traditions away from me.

Stand your ground OP.

Is the OP coming back?

I agree, having one at MIL house as well is a good (and kind) compromise.

Why can't they have two stockings each?

For me, it would be because the second one would take away from th magic of the first one. Stockings are something (in the vast majority of cases) that parents do for their children. Grandma has had her chance to do stockings for her children and shouldn't b trying to muscle in on the next generation, IMO!

I would suggest a compromise. Stockings are done by the parents, but grandma does 'Granny's magic box of presents' - so she gets the fun of choosing stocking type presents, and spoiling her grandchildren, but buts firmly OUT of doing stockings.

I really am more than a bit of a cow.

Wrapping up lots of little presents!! What the actual fuck!

Someone else wants to do this tedious crap and you object?

Surely you have enough to do at Christmas? There is important food to prepare and more important alcohol to drink. Prioritize woman.

Who cares who does what if the kids are happy, the house is warm and the beer is cold.

You are trying to find most misery. Make something up, everyone needs 4 stockings, Santa was drunk, the reindeers were high, we need to keep the economy of China going post Brexit. Here have more plastic tat.

There really is no need to make any one sad.

Your MIL is being insensitive. It is your task to do stockings. The whole point is the gifts are from Santa. If numerous stockings start turning up all over the house on different days the kids will surely think that's odd. You could suggest she keeps the 'heirlooms' to give to them when they are older and don't believe any more.

What does it matter who buys the presents for them?

Its a stocking, stop trying to 'own' bits of christmas!

If you're that bothered, tell her that you don't want the kids wrecking heirlooms and use hers as decorations in pride of place, and put the presents in yours.

Erm, I think I gave very legitimate reasons as to why Stockings mean a lot to me. It's not about being right, it's about having your boundaries respected. It's about empathy.

To the poster who said Stockings were tedious - maybe to you. Maybe food is more important and that's fine. But again, empathy. Try and see why different things mean something to different people.

I grew up in care. There were no Stockings. Doing it for my own is hugely important and cathartic.

This mightn't matter to you, but it does matter to the OP. It would matter to me too.

Yes, Christmas is a lot of work - so it would be a bit mean to give away one of the bits of Christmas that the OP is actually looking forward to doing!

As I said earlier - grandma got to do stockings for her children - she shouldn't be trying to muscle in on the next generation.

If it becomes something Grandma does, when does the OP get to have the magic of doing stockings for children who still believe in FC?

By all means find a compromise - I suggested one - but grandma buts out of stockings.

Yes that's right. You have good reasons for being right.

Everyone has a back story, you have no idea of the mils back story. Her story may break your heart. She might have a childhood that makes yours look wonderful. You don't know.

I don't know either. I do know it's not worth a row. No matter how right you are.