To be annoyed that mother-in-law is doing my kids' Christmas stocking?

[Nickname1980]

Ok first world problem.

This is really bugging me and I think I am being unreasonable but I can't help it!

Anyway. I made my DCs' Christmas stockings this year, a bad knit job, but I'm proud of them as I can't make anything much. Anyway, yesterday, MIL says "oh I found my kids' old stockings! So I'm going to fill them up for your children on Christmas Day. You can hang them at the end of their beds in the morning" blah blah blah.

Immediately I replied "oh thank you" because I was surprised and I am basically a people pleaser and didn't want to say no.

She then said it would bring so much joy to her and her mother (their great granny) to do that together, that they've already started buying the gifts.

Then I told her that I'd already knitted the kids' stockings because I really don't want her to take over. She replied "oh well, these are heirlooms!"

Am I being mean that I don't want her to do their stockings? That she had her chance to do it when her kids were little and that it's my turn now?

She does a lot for us, and tries really hard, and utterly dotes on my DC. Am I just being totally selfish and should I let her do this?

I know. Total first world problems. I wonder if I should just feel lucky that she wants to be so involved?!? But I just feel a bit annoyed that she's trying to take over.

[winterisnigh]

The idea of somebody being so obsessed with it that they are prepared upset real life relations rather than accept that Father Christmas might drop off a few presents at somebody else's house is just bonkers

Ok so the opposite is - That its OK to jeopardize the DC belief in Santa so granny can indulge her stocking on them?

I personally don't think having two stockings would, this is not the reason I am against ops mil doing a stocking but in your world Bertrand, you seem to be saying Mils need to do the stocking Trumps the child's belief in Santa

[winterisnigh]

I think life is easier if you let people do what makes them happy, and find a way to do what makes you happy too

So ops mil needs to back down and find another way to do her stocking!
Why is ops happiness worth less than mils!

[Marynary]

Why does happiness depend on doing a stocking from Father Christmas in the first place? I think it is a totally bizarre thing to get worked up over.

[PortiaFinis]

Seldon are you saying that if a grandparent babysits they are entitled to choose to takeover whatever other bit of parenthood they would like to have?

[PortiaFinis]

Personally there's loads of stuff I don't give a shit about but which matters to other people, I don't think it shouldn't matter to them just because it doesn't matter to me.

It clearly does matter to both OP and her MIL.

[MrEBear]

I'm in the view that Granny is stepping on Mums toes. Kids don't need 2 stockings. So as I said before I would give the kids the choice either hang up the new one or Daddy's old one.

But question for those who think 2 stockings is ok, how do you explain why they only had one stocking last year, and next year if they are looking for 2 why Santa has gone back to one stocking, assuming Granny doesn't decide to fill them again and given she hasn't done the kids stockings before no real reason why she would continue.

For the record I am assuming we are talking about stockings that hold a few unwrapped bits, sweeties, fruit, undies, and some smaller toys bubbles, bouncy ball, stickers etc. I have enough trouble trying to fill one stocking without resorting to complete tat that will land in the bin within a few weeks and is a complete waste of money.

[MrEBear]

I'm in the view that Granny is stepping on Mums toes. Kids don't need 2 stockings. So as I said before I would give the kids the choice either hang up the new one or Daddy's old one.

But question for those who think 2 stockings is ok, how do you explain why they only had one stocking last year, and next year if they are looking for 2 why Santa has gone back to one stocking, assuming Granny doesn't decide to fill them again and given she hasn't done the kids stockings before no real reason why she would continue.

For the record I am assuming we are talking about stockings that hold a few unwrapped bits, sweeties, fruit, undies, and some smaller toys bubbles, bouncy ball, stickers etc. I have enough trouble trying to fill one stocking without resorting to complete tat that will land in the bin within a few weeks and is a complete waste of money.

[Marynary]

Personally there's loads of stuff I don't give a shit about but which matters to other people, I don't think it shouldn't matter to them just because it doesn't matter to me.

I didn't say that "it shouldn't matter to OP". I said that it is a totally bizarre thing to get worked up about.

[SheldonCRules]

Portia, it's a Christmas stocking not taking over parenthood!

Grandparents can't win, they are expected to babysit on demand but god forbid they actually want to do something for their grandchildren at Christmas So many threads recently about parents moaning about grandparents and trying to control every aspect of Christmas. Very sad that parents of adults are seen as "disposable" unless convenient.

[SaucyJack]

"but god forbid they actually want to do something for their grandchildren at Christmas"

There's a million and one other things they can do without diluting the fun of the tradition of Satan.

Panto.... build a snowman.... make a gingerbread house.... Xmas crafts.... Boxing Day treasure hunts (my own Nan's favourite).

Even if it comes from a place of kindness and not narcissism, it's still entirely unnecessary.

Just think up your own stuff already. Leave the mum and dad stuff to mum and dad.

[slenderisthenight]

I do think grandparents are sometimes expected to 'help out' too much - it's lovely if they offer but regular childcare is not something one should expect IMO.

In a similar way, grandparents should not expect to do things that parents traditionally do - grandparents get to play games, read stories, bake, cuddle, give an extra sweet - lots and lots of relationally lovely things but their relationship should be about offering a bit of extra time and security and playing a supportive role to the parenting role, not parenting. Christmas is about being thankful and I think that it would be nice if grandparents were occasionally thankful that their grandchildren are loved and cared for by parents who love them, rather than trying to repeat the experiences they have already had a chance to enjoy with their own children.

[Marynary]

I think whether or not grandparents "help out" is totally irrelevant to this issue.

[Whocansay]

I would just use yours on Xmas Day and hers on Boxing Day, and say Santa saw the extra stocking on the way back to the North Pole or something.

I think that your MIL is just trying to do something nice for her grandchildren and it probably never occurred to her that she'd be treading on you toes.

[RebelandaStunner]

Both our DP's always had a Santa sack for dc to open later on Christmas day. Can't remember if they gave stockings or not. They've always been generous to our dc and we appreciate that. It never occurred to us to get upset about it. Just grateful as not all gp's give a shit.

[slenderisthenight]

marynary I don't think it's totally irrelevant. At one point in my life, my mum did a lot of parenting of one of my children because I was very unwell. While that was going on, I tried to give her the chance to do some of the fun bits of parenting (thing that I'd looked forward to doing as a parent) because she was doing the heavy lifting, as it were. That was only fair, in my mind, although there were other things that I didn't 'share'.

A grandparent who has made their grandchild's tea five nights in the week and spent two hours shivering in the park several times in the week is going to know exactly what would please their GC for a gift/outing and their thoughts will naturally turn towards giving it to them.

[PortiaFinis]

Seldon - I know you're not sayig grandparents take over parenthood. However, you do seem to say that if a parent says that stockings is a parent thing and not a grandparent thing that you'd compare it to babysitting. Which does seem to suggest that babysitting (acting as a parent briefly in one way) means you should get to do it in other ways too. Apologies if I've misunderstood. I agree that it's great for Grandparents to get things to do with a child at Christmas but I don't quite see why it has to be something the parents also want to do - theirs lots of things around.

Mary saying someone getting upset about something is 'bizarre' does sound a little like a judgement that it shouldn't matter to them.

[bruffin]

Saucyjack
It is selfish, its about making it all about you, when stockings are for the children
My dear departed Mum used to do a stocking/box for all her grandchildren. She spent all year buying little bits, they really loved it, even when they were in their 20s and she wanted to stop, they all were really upset, so she carried on until she died.

[Astro55]

Lack of communication I think! GP thinking they're saving the OP and DH a few quid and a bit of time - but Not that it's actually wanted

It's not helpful if it's not what you asked for - it's being forced into accepting something you don't want

[slenderisthenight]

It is selfish, its about making it all about you, when stockings are for the children

But the children are getting their stockings either way

Parents feeling that two stockings is overkill are not selfish. Everyone says Christmas is horrifically materialised.

[Qwertie]

bruff that's totally out of order. It's something op is taking particular arranging for her children along with all of the other crap that goes with Xmas day. The stocking opening is before the turkey has to go in & drinks & snacks have to be served. It's really hard being a mum at Xmas & to say objecting to having a magical part of the day taken away from you is selfish is not on.

[Marynary]

marynary I don't think it's totally irrelevant. At one point in my life, my mum did a lot of parenting of one of my children because I was very unwell. While that was going on, I tried to give her the chance to do some of the fun bits of parenting (thing that I'd looked forward to doing as a parent) because she was doing the heavy lifting, as it were. That was only fair, in my mind, although there were other things that I didn't 'share'.

I don't actually count spending money on children at Christmas as a "fun part of parenting" though. My own parents did nothing with regard to helping us (they live too far away) but I had no problem with them buying my children christmas presents whether they are for the stocking or not.

[Marynary]

Mary saying someone getting upset about something is 'bizarre' does sound a little like a judgement that it shouldn't matter to them.

Not at all. People can get worked up over anything they like as long as it doesn't affect me.

[IJustLostTheGame]

My mil tried to do this.
I got cross. She had the fun of doing stockings with DH and now it's our turn.

I just did my dd's stocking and MIL pretended hers was dropped off.
It still bugs me.
She's the type who lives to take over and control everything though.

[bruffin]

Qwertie
Its not out of order . Fwiw in our house stockings are for children to wake up to and keep them entertained until big presents are opened , the op hasnt even described your scenario you have described.
Two stockings doesnt make it any less magical to the children and certainly doesnt make any more work for the mum,as i can verify from my experience