To let my toddler play in a graveyard

[RegencyRomanceReader]

Just seen a house that we might buy. It has no garden but backs on to a large old cemetary. We went for a walk around it before the viewing and my toddler was in love! obviously I stopped him climbing on the graves (most are raised stone with statues, huge crossed etc from 18th century onwards) and made him keep to the paths. He was running round pretending to see the gruffallo, pointing out squirrels, birds etc and jumping in puddles. He was not standing on graves but he was loud and excited and pointing out angels and authors and things. There was no one around and no fresh graves (not that old graves deserved less respect). As I one off I'm confident we didn't upset anyone or intrude on anyone's grief but if we bought the house this could become a regular thing (its a city so green space like this without cars is good dust). Wibu to take him for runs here regularly?

Not appropriate, whether the graves are tended or not.

If it's a city then it won't be far from a park if you want open space.

lola I wouldn't mind backing on to a graveyard - nice and quiet and not overlooked (unless OP is there!)

KingJoffrey - yes, an 8-year-old was killed by a falling tombstone in a Glasgow cemetary this year. There's a case going through the court at the moment, looking at what could or should have been done to ensure that the stones were stable - and whether enough was done.

The boy's name was Ciaran Williamson.

I frequent Tower Hamlets Cemetery Park. It is an overgrown park/forest that just happens to have graves in it (old ones, much like you describe).

THCP is full of dogs, children, joggers and the like using it just like they would any other park.

Nothing disrespectful at all.

Kids very much encouraged to play - not disrespectful.

www.fothcp.org

I don't see anything wrong with it as long as he isn't disturbing anyone who is there for quiet reflection or remembrance, and he isn't climbing on tombstones, etc.

I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one and someday I could look down and see a happy toddler playing on/near my grave, I'd be pleased, not offended.

I don't see anything wrong with it as long as he isn't disturbing anyone who is there for quiet reflection or remembrance, and he isn't climbing on tombstones, etc.

I don't really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one and someday I could look down and see a happy toddler playing on/near my grave, I'd be pleased, not offended.

Bit conflicted with this.

Bit disrespectful to play in a graveyard.

But one day, we'll all be there, so why not.

But it is a park salty, so not the same

I'm also aware of a little boy who was crushed by a gravestone. He survived but he was in critical care in hospital for a while.
So definitely no climbing on gravestones or walking over graves.

YANBU as long as you respect anyone in there or any events if there is a church attached, and the safety rule. Basically I agree with lots of PP

Sorry but no way due to the lack of safety and the risk of upsetting people visiting their loved ones. The dead won't mind, but it isn't a playground. I would take on board what pp said about the behaviour of the odd bods that might hang around and the problem of reselling it later.

It sounded like the OP was describing the same sort of set up though Grilled. Rather than an 'active' graveyard.

It's inappropriate, disrespectful and shows an utter lack of consideration if you think it's an alternative playground op.

I think it depends on the playing - rambunctious noisy play on the graves, no; scooting round the paths, looking at the statues and wildlife fine. I used to live near Brockley cemetery that was used for walks (including by families with young children) and by a lot of local photographers. It was amazing in the snow.

I get that some people would not be at all bothered by this - that is fair enough.

However, I suspect that someone who was bothered, would be very bothered, because of the nature of the place - the emotive nature of a graveyard, and how deeply some people feel about disrespect of such a place.

Does it matter that some people wouldn't find it disrespectful if a number of people would (it seems to be split about 50/50 on here), and might be very upset by someone regularly using the graveyard as a playground?

Fwiw, I think there is a big difference between walking/scooting through the cemetary on the way somewhere, or children wandering round and playing a bit whilst the adults are visiting a grave/paying respects, and actually using it regularly as your play space.

Friend of mine lived in the gate house of an old graveyard and she loved it, nice atmosphere, quiet, full of wildlife, but the weirdos that used to hang around latterly made her move away.

I agree SDTG, in fact that was what I meant to say in my second post, so I apologise if it wasn't clear (I can be a bit rambling at times). I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered by it. But other people would. So best to not risk upsetting people by letting children play in a graveyard. Because, ultimately, I won't be upset by a lack of children playing by my loved ones' graves. But others would be upset by children playing by theirs. So it's best not to take that risk.

Coolcarrie
I was the same for me.
It wasn't the dead that were the bother nor school kids and parents crossing it on route to school. There was just so many undesirable people loitering .

It was a closed for burials in the 1930s so genuine visitors to graves few and far between. There were a lot of houses broken into in my street from thugs climbing from the neglected and overgrown parts of the cemetery .

I would be upset by it tbh. I always make sure my dc, both under 5, are respectful when we visit my DF. I would find it very rude if someone couldn't be bothered to make sure their children behaved appropriately in that environment. Find a park or a wood, there's tons of them.

Can I ask, to those who find playing in graveyards upsetting - how do you feel about old graveyards being repurposed into parks? Is that upsetting too?

I think it depends on the graveyard, to be honest. I live near an old Victorian graveyard which was restored in the 1980s and is now both an active cemetery and a nature reserve. Schools take children on nature and sketching trips there, there are plays, concerts, exhibitions and wildlife and history walks held in the grounds. People go blackberry and apple-picking there. You can hire the old chapel as a party venue. There is a picnic lawn. Lots of the more recent gravestones are slightly quirky.

In a cemetery like that, I am happy to let my children play (in a respectful manner). In the other local cemetery, which is just a cemetery, it would be a sedate walk and nothing else.

I want to be buried in the cemetery nearby when I die, because it's a place where I've had so much fun in life, and I love the thought of being surrounded by music and laughter once I'm dead.

I wholeheartedly agree Broomstick.

Sorry but I think it's disrespectful. You have playgrounds for that.