To let my toddler play in a graveyard

[RegencyRomanceReader]

Just seen a house that we might buy. It has no garden but backs on to a large old cemetary. We went for a walk around it before the viewing and my toddler was in love! obviously I stopped him climbing on the graves (most are raised stone with statues, huge crossed etc from 18th century onwards) and made him keep to the paths. He was running round pretending to see the gruffallo, pointing out squirrels, birds etc and jumping in puddles. He was not standing on graves but he was loud and excited and pointing out angels and authors and things. There was no one around and no fresh graves (not that old graves deserved less respect). As I one off I'm confident we didn't upset anyone or intrude on anyone's grief but if we bought the house this could become a regular thing (its a city so green space like this without cars is good dust). Wibu to take him for runs here regularly?

Clearly though, opinions are divided. And it's worth bearing all the opinions on this thread in mind, because of course those who want quiet reflection in a graveyard are very much entitled to that. And having read the subsequent posts, I might avoid it if I were you, because although some people will be fine with it, others won't, and I'll always take the approach of not offending / upsetting anyone where possible. So even if 50 people said that they'd be fine with it and two said that they wouldn't, I'd see it as being better not to upset the two, iyswim.

Going for a walk holding hands and chatting quietly is fine.

Letting him run ahead and shouting or laughing loudly is I think dangerous and disrespectful.

When we took flowers to mil grave there were two little girls running around nearby and having fun. Their exuberance and laughter was a huge comfort. We remember the dead and embrace new life. I can't think of a lovelier sound than happy children.

If your visiting a graveyard and your DC is playing in a way that cannot disturb other visitors, then that's OK.

Deliberately choosing that a graveyard will be a regular playground seems a bit off, though I can't quite put my finger on why.

This is very strange! I wouldn't use it as a playground no.

YABU. Very disrespectful to have a noisy child screaming in a graveyard. There are so many other places you could take him. To let him do that because he enjoys it is thoroughly selfish and PFB.

I would be concerned about the possibility of tombstones falling on him. We have a churchyard near us that we sometimes use as a shortcut (there's a couple of public paths through it) and DS1 accidentally knocked over one of the smaller tombstones a few months ago, which was clearly a bad thing to happen for more than one reason. No visible sign that the tombstone might be unstable until it started tipping over.

Aside from that, if there are mourners or visitors to the graveyard, they may find it upsetting or disrespectful if a child is running around and playing there.

That is not a safe place for a child to play. I think YABU.

Grave yards aren't a playground, isn't there a park locally? Its disrespectful.

When i take my children to visit their baby brothers grave they know not to walk on graves, they talk quietly, no running or touching anything.

I would be livid if i saw children using it like a playground. Infact my babys grave was destroyed by a toddler whos mother let him 'play' while she tended to her own relatives grave. It was devastating for me. Its all i have for him a grave and some photos.

It's one thing for your children to be playing in a cemetery when you're visiting a grave, but to intend to use a graveyard instead of a garden/playground is so incredibly disrespectful I can't actually believe anyone thinks it's acceptable.

Some noisy children in cemeteries will be visiting graves.

Given that you don't seem concerned about the risk of falling gravestones, then do what you want. However, falling gravestones is a risk. My area is ex-marshland and ex-mining. We have subsidence, sinkholes, flooding and yeah, falling gravestones. Also the graveyards are poorly maintained because the council and church keep arguing over whose job it is, so volunteers try and clear the overgrown nettles once a year, but there's still a lot of undergrowth which, when you step into it, you could sink into the mire up to your knee. The gravestones topple with some frequency. The gravetops sink down a few inches, as do the flat stones. The stone borders collapse.

Putting respect to one side (your mind sounds made up), I can think of building sites that are safer for a small child to play in.

YABU it's a graveyard not a playground. How would you feel about a toddler playing on your relative's grave (they're not all marked so just avoiding headstones won't mean you're avoiding graves)? Have some respect!

I walk through our village cemetery most days with the dog. Walking is fine, running and screaming isn't.

'Some noisy children in cemeteries will be visiting graves.'

Yes. My son has autism. Right now, he can't behave well in the cemetery where his elder sister is resting. So we don't take him there. Because it's an active cemetery and people are there to mourn. Their dead relatives are not there to instruct him in the circle of life and all that shit. They're there praying or tidying up or reflecting.

It is not a playground and even stones that are just a few decades old can topple and injure or kill a child.

Having owned a house backing on to a cemetery in London (naice part ) of here's a few insights I have ;

There tended to be quite a lot of undesirable activity in the cemetery day and night , daylight drug dealing and dodgy people loitering for sexual encounters ( I saw and heard ALOT of live action for a "dead " reserve.
I was brought up never to stand on a grave let alone shag on one .

Lots of headstones fell over regularly , it was dangerous.

It took ages to sell the house and the smaller houses across the street ( not backing onto the cemetery ) always sold for more .

Wasn't a child killed recently by a falling headstone?

Am sure I read that on the news during the last year.

When we visit our son, we visit as a family which includes his younger brother who probably never understand why he should be quiet there. He doesn't run around/ climb on graves but he can't help being noisy.

Going for a quiet walk through, fine.

Playing? Jumping? Screaming? No. You want a park for that.

no it is not suitable because you will upset living people.
In addition, some gravestones are old and wobbly.
Also what Habibi said ....god only knows who goes to Highgate cemetary for fun..

Yes it's disrespectful and yes it's dangerous.

Find a house with a garden or one near a park.

I used to go quite often as a child with mum as she had so many relatives graves to keep.
people tend not to visit so much now these days.
it was quite a ritual in those days and nobody thought twice about letting their children explore.
As we got older we got to know the stones and it was interesting reading the very old ones.

I think it would be very disrespectful to treat the graveyard as a playground. Plus, as has been pointed out, it is potentially dangerous.

It would be very disrespectful - disgusting, even - to allow your child to play in a graveyard. It is a place of death, grief and of reflection on lives that have passed. It is not a place to run round or otherwise "play" in. I question what sort of person you would be to not grasp this fact.

Ask yourself, would it be appropriate to bring a corpse into a playground while children are playing there? No, it wouldn't.

It's disrespectful end of. And weird just buy a house with a garden who wants to look out into a creepy graveyard.