To take my phone back from DD?

[GrabtharsHammer]

She's had a mobile since last Christmas. A few months ago she smashed her handset and it was too expensive to fix so we didn't. I recently upgraded my iPhone so gave her my old handset. She's had it for a week now. She was without a phone for maybe three months.

My new phone has suddenly died a death and has been sent away to be fixed. I have taken my old handset back until it's sorted.

She is kicking off like a banshee. Saying that she NEEDS it. That she needs the alarm for the morning. I wake her up, and need the alarm myself. I genuinely need a phone as I am in constant contact with MH professionals, social services, young Carers, school and family.

She is absolutely raging at the injustice. Dh is now saying that if she carries on she won't be getting the handset back at all, and pointed out that she smashed her cheap phone and ended up with an iPhone, and that being without it for a few days is no hardship.

She says I'm horrible and selfish. Am I? I feel bloody awful right now.

Yanbu at all. Wow she is a bit spoilt isn't she.

Seriously! What do you think yourself??

What a brat.

She wouldn't be getting the phone back at all after that.

If you gave her your old handset I'm sorry but yab a bit u.
If you lent her your old one and she knew it was a lend, yanbu.
However, given the circumstances, if you explained to her your poor situation, and 'asked' (in a guiding way that there wasn't really a choice) then I suppose that's acceptable.
I understand why she's kicking off, though, and feel a bit sorry for her.

It all depends on the level of grown up conversation you had with her before taking the phone back.

I felt like I was in the right to take it back for a while but after the barrage of whinging and shouting all afternoon I'm second guessing myself now. Dh is adamant that she's being selfish and I'm perfectly entitled to take my phone back as I need it.

I sat her down and explained before taking it, I didn't just swipe it. She has kicked off massively this evening because she had decided it was only for one day, and she's now realised it will be for longer.

How old is she?
I'm with your DH on this, no phone for her until she learns some manners. How dare she speak to you like that regardless of the circumstances.
If she's immature enough to have tantrums then she's not mature enough to have a phone.

Sell it after you've got yours fixed.

Why are you feeling guilty because she's thrown a fit? Surely you should have the opposite response.

Does she often manipulate you into doing what she wants with tantrums?

She broke her original phone so she's lucky you've let her have your old one to use. I don't think you're unreasonable in taking your old phone back for a bit.

YANBU. I would buy her a cheap handset for safety of having a phone!

She's not reacting well, but she's a kid.
She thought she'd got a great upgrade phone, has probably shown it off to all her friends and was really excited about it.
How does she know you won't take it back off her again?
Fine for you to use it, but I don't think you should sell it afterwards. She needs to learn her behaviour isn't acceptable, but at the same time it's a bit shit for her.

But you gave her your old phone why do you get to take it back just because yours has stopped working?

I can totally see why she's kicked off, tbh. You've taken her phone off her when she's not done anything to deserve it!

She's twelve.

We've had a lot going on in the past few weeks and I've been in hospital so I'm feeling a bit fragile. She's probably kicking off because of all that, a bit, and I'm feeling guilty.

I agree with lilyboleyn

Throwing a hissy fit to get what you want is behaviour to be nipped in the bud.

I actually think YABU to have taken her phone. If you gave it to her then it's hers, and you can ask to use it but not insist.

I'm not going to sell it! She'll have it back as soon as mine is fixed, which will be within the next ten days.

But if the DD has been given (not lent) her mum's old phone, surely it's hers now, and OP can't just take it back because hers has broken? I don't think it's fair to give her a gift then put random conditions on it at a later date, tbh.

I didn't strictly give it to her. I said she could use it as I had a new one.

You are feeling "bloody awful" - why? Get a grip. Your DD is behaving badly and you need to be firm and clear and be the adult here.

You gave her your old phone, meaning it was now hers. YABU.

YABU you gave it to her. She thought it was hers...

But did you say you'd take it back if you needed it? If someone gave me their old phone to use, I wouldn't assume that came with random conditions. I do think you've been a bit unfair, and while her behaviour isn't ideal, it's perfectly understandable.

I'd be pretty hacked off if it happened to me!