To lie about the dead pets?

[AtSea1979]

Ok so I told my DD they were hibernating, now I've put cage away she thinks they escaped and went on a rampage or "blew away in the wind" and someone else is looking after them for her.
Do I finally fess up and tell her our beloved stick insects died?
She is off sick at minute and has even made a poster...

Difficult on. Not RTWT but I do agree she should be told the truth.

We ha e had pets all through DD's life and have been honest throughout. She buried her first goldfish in a pyramid (they were learning about them in Yr 2) and helped choose the casket for our beloved collie. I truly believe that learning about death this way helps when other losses happen.

You know your daughter best but please, please tell her the truth

Ok My stick insect story. Probably not worth the wait......

When I was about 8 my mum was a mature student at teacher training college. She was doing Biology and was always bringing home random creatures from the lab. She brought home some stick insects which lived in a large sweetie jar covered in muslin. They grew and grew. Mum used to get them out and let them walk up her arms - I hated the damned things. One of them laid eggs which hatched so we had hundreds of tiny weeny stick insects - Yay.

The biggest stick insect used to frequently escape from the jar so the whole family would have to play hunt the stick insect. Our walls at the time were green anaglypta so she was very hard to see. Often on a weekend morning the shout would come upstairs for me to stay in bed until she had been found and returned to her home as I was irrationally scared of her when she was roaming.

Anyway, the day came where she could not be found. That evening mum was ironing dad's shirts which had been hanging altogther on one hanger. As mum pressed down on the shoulder, there was a loud crunch, an even louder scream from mum, and the wandering stick insect had been found. The iron had split her open to reveal that she was full of eggs.

Poor Sticky.

Mum ran upstairs and sobbed on her bed.

Dad's shirt had to be thrown out.

I'd def go with the buying new ones, but get prepared for next time in advance. Don't beat yourself up about it we can't all get it right all of the time xxx

I think you did the right thing by lying. My parents told me when our dog died when I was 7, that he had gone to live in the countryside at a farm and was having a great life. I am forever grateful, as I stayed a happy cheerful kid for a lot longer as a result. I lied when my daughters' hamster died that he had escaped and was having a great time living free in the garden, and they were so happy for him and it would have been a terrible thing for them to cope with otherwise. I would say to your daughter that there is a stick insect retirement home and that they have gone to live there, with lots of other stick insects and lots of freedom and tasty leaves, and that they are really happy. Why make someone sad at this age, when you can just keep them happy. Life gets tough soon enough, and they will learn about death in Michael Morpugo books as they get older and read them at school.

I'd go with the suggestion to get another one as you've given her hope

My mum told me our dog went to live with friends in the country. I was 21 before the penny dropped, which was incredibly humiliating. I'm aware I am probably remarkably naive, but be honest with your kids about death. It's a fact of life they need to understand, and hiding it away just makes them feel like idiots when they realise the inevitable .

Please don't lie.

My well meaning mother sheltered me for years about death, telling me that she would never die, and that only people who are old and finished living die...

I am now in my thirties and completely unable to cope with death. I wish my childhood mind had been offered a chance to process and deal with it properly, because as an adult I'm beyond hopeless. My grandad has been given months to live and I haven't stopped randomly sobbing every few hours since I found out on Monday.

Give her the best chance at gaining a healthy approach to death.

When DS was 2 our goldfish died after only having it a week. It had gone back to the pet shop for a visit to see its mummy as was missing her, whilst there it went to the hair dressers to have its colour changed slightly. Happiness was resumed in the Lean house. When it died a couple of years later, it properly died. DS was 4 by then but to be honest the first one would have died properly, even with him being 2, had we not only just got the damn thing!

So you've told her... What will you say if she asks why you lied?

We are currently living in our friends house over a year. We inherited their rabbit which escaped more times than it was in the cage. Eventually said rabbit disappeared, it was inevitable. Met friend for lunch one day with her 11 year old. (Had previously told friend rabbit was gone) 11 year old asks me how is the rabbit?! 😱Friend turns to her and says he's fine! Way too old to not have been told the truth.

In essence I concur with those who say admit the truth.

Write her a letter from the stick insects in their new home, tell her what a lovely time they're having and thank her for looking after them so well. Then you can do the honest thing next time.
I don't think the situation is half as dramatic as some people are making out and it will be a story you'll both look back on and laugh about.

Replacements or watch Lion King and then discuss the circle of life in that animals die and its sad but then new ones get born.

The fact that you posted your question on here in the first place
suggests you might be feeling bad about the lie, however kind and well-meaning your intentions. 'Owning up' might lift a burden from your shoulders, and you could tell her that you were afraid ti tell her the truth because you don't want her to feel bad. I'm a very old Mum (67 on Saturday), so I have more experience than I care to admit of the suffering I cause to myself by hiding the truth or evading any difficult issue, and how much more my sons trust me because they know they can rely on me. One of my sons, at least, responded very kindly if I had cause to apologise to him for any reason, and would 'kiss me better\ if I was a bit tearful doing it. The other one, unfortunately, would say 'Stop it, Mum - you're just upsetting yourself'. He's much kinder now!. But to return to your dilemma, I think that any sorrow your daughter might feel at losing her stick insect will resolve more readily than would a future lack of confidence in what you say.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but it sounds as though she might be old enough for you to arrange a little memorial service, or celebration of her pet's life, and for her to draw a picture and hang it up somewhere as a memorial. You could get her a new stick insect, as Joffrey suggests, or even a pair, and maybe look something up online with her about their lifespan and how to care for them.

Good luck, and do let us know what happened.

Should always be honest about death even with a pet, in an age appropriate way of course. Death of an animal teaches them about bereavement and that they will eventually get over a loss. My children's cat died a few months before their grandad, in a way it gave my son comfort knowing that it would get easier with time as he had been through it before, on a lesser scale of course with his cat.

Wow arent you just the worst parent in the world judging from the comments 😕 you were protecting your child from being upset at her beloved pets dying fgs. Weve had pets in the past that have died and id said they went to live with someone else or to live on a farm! Why make them upset if you dont have to. Now she has made a poster you may have to tell the truth but your inital white lie wasnt the crime of the century

How sad.
Should always tell your children the truth.
Things die it's sad but it's life.
My son is 6, he has had to endure our dog, then his great,great grandfather, and only 3 weeks ago our other dog. He cried, I cried, we all cried, it's sad.
But now he has a picture of them all in his room he's happy.
They are in 'heaven' happily looking after each other. We can see them as stars at night looking over us.
Simple facts and I'm not religious but it's worked for my 3 kids . Xx good luck

Well assuming you feel that you are the worst parent in the world now. I would replace and do it the way you should have when the clones die in a few months time

It's really important to be honest about death with children. My 6 yr old DS has just had to cope with the recent deaths of his beloved Grandma (my DM) and 7 weeks later his Nana (MIL). It's been horrid but has forced us to be open and honest with him about death. Before this I was panicking contemplating how I'd replace the gerbils when they die to shield him, but fate had different plans.

I can't believe OP is getting so much stick!
One of ours died. The kids didn't notice, a dead stick insect looks an awful lot like any other stick insect

Think I was always too brutally honest with death and loss of pets. Probably scarred children for life. Maybe somewhere in between lying and my approach is good.

I think some posters are being a bit harsh on op. It's not the crime of the century telling a little white lie. She will grow up and realise the truth anyway. She prob enjoyed doing the little poster and it's cute. Yes she will learn about death but at a time she is ready and there is no rush. I would gather she is prob aged between the 3-5 mark.

Oh dear. I am 50 years old and reading this thread... I've just realised that my rabbit, who "ran away" with his friends to live in a lovely field, probably died. I was 8. I will have to ask my mum what really happened. I wonder if she'll burst into tears and say she's got something to fess up to. hmm.

OP get some new stick insects, say someone brought them back, and fess up next time.

When your children are reading chapter books, be careful with Charlotte's Web. I enjoyed that book growing up but when I read it with my daughter she sobbed all night when we go to the bit where ahem spoiler alert! One of the characters dies

I've just read Exit's story....

Exit thank you for coming back with your repulsive stick insect story. I had been waiting for it!