To lie about the dead pets?

[AtSea1979]

Ok so I told my DD they were hibernating, now I've put cage away she thinks they escaped and went on a rampage or "blew away in the wind" and someone else is looking after them for her.
Do I finally fess up and tell her our beloved stick insects died?
She is off sick at minute and has even made a poster...

Finding out what death means is one of the main reasons for keeping animals as pets isn't it ?

No of course its not but losing a pet helps children learn about loss and grief.

I don't know why but I'm finding this a little bit funny. Maybe it's because they are stick insects.

Be very clear about things - I still find it hard to forgive my own mother's fudging of the situation when my beloved dog died of old age when I was 11. She was the one who found him - he'd died in his sleep in his night bed in the shed, told unconvincing lies about where he was, then told me abruptly when I came from from school at lunchtime after he'd already been buried, and sent a sobbing, shocked 11 year old back to school (where the bullies really had a field day with the crybaby in 1C) .

With my adult head on, it's easy to understand - she has no emotional intelligence because she was brought up by a woman with no sensitivity (I think the news of her own father's death when she was 14 was broken to her in much the same way as my dog's was) - but it was spectacularly badly handled, and hence far more upsetting than it needed to have been.

I'm wondering the same as PurpleDaisies how did all four die at the same time?

why do you think the poster is funny?
it isn't.

When I was little, my pet cat 'went to live on a farm with a kind farmer and lots of mice to chase'......I swear I didn't even question it till I was about 15! As an adult, both my Dc's have dealt with dead pets. We cry, we bury them for closure. It also helps to explain the life cycle of certain animals, otherwise the child may assume they live forever.

Generally, I tell the truth. But have been known to replace a dead pet when DS was in a particularly emotionally vulnerable place (100 mile round trip to farm to scour for lookalike but it's a long story...)

We've also had a bird go to live on a farm in Scotland (because I was too cowardly to admit to giving the rooster his marching orders after he became aggressive, and I didn't want to be labelled a murderer!) I think Boy suspects me on that one, as more have been dispatched since, and he has taken to asking me (in a knowing manner) if he can go and visit Humpty.

Telling the truth, allows your child to come to terms with sadness and grief, generally. But I think it depends upon their emotional maturity. In most cases, it's better to be honest.

TBH I think she will be more upset having done the poster and having her hopes raised, although you would be surprised how resilient kids can be.. If I was you, I'd try and source some more stick insects. If not, I think you should come clean, gently. Not sure how long stick insects live, but suspect it may not be that long. Maybe if you don't completely hate them, get some more and talk with her about life cycles? Talking about life expectancy in a pet with a relatively short one is probably a good idea anyway.

Finding out what death means is one of the main reasons for keeping animals as pets isn't it

Perhaps not main but it was one reason why I thought it was a good idea to get some goldfish when DD was 2 - she had various elderly relatives and a very beloved dog. Preschool children seem to be able to be very matter of fact about the death of small pets - bury in the garden under a nice plant, explain that it will help feed the plant and become flowers, and maybe throw in the fact we all come from stardust. No need for 'heaven' unless you really believe it yourself, and no taboo.

Same thought when looking at the poster, how did 4 stick insects all die of natural causes at the same time?

TBH if you replaced them - their life span is probably only a few weeks anyway so you can easily enough do the whole 'pet-as-easy-intro-to-death' thing in a couple of months, anyway. (Just looked it up - males live 3 months, ladies a year. Lucky ladies!)

You'd probably do more longterm harm by admitting you lied at this point, than if you just replace and await the inevitable. As Dr Johnson said - only 2 things are inevitable in life: death and taxes. At least stick insects don't pay taxes.

It's fine! The first night my daughter got her new hamster it decided to escape and fall down the cabinet killing herself.....my daughter is an emotional wreck for weeks after this sort of shit, luckily the petshop had An identical one and it was a rare coloured hamster! Partner nipped out bought the other. We had told her the original had escaped, and we had found her, tbh this one was a bit smaller she must have lost weight over night or been in the tumble dryer according to my other dd.

Only one of the main reasons - there are plenty more cheerful ones obviously. But you can't ignore the fact that most children will outlive most pets.

Why do you think it's funny? This is so sad!
Your poor child thinks her pet is missing somewhere and may come back when in reality it's dead.
It doesn't make a difference that it's a stick insect and not a dog or a cat.
Tell her it's died but it's ok and put her out of her misery!
There's nothing worse than wondering where your beloved pet is!

You shouldn't have lied to her and given her false hope.

I know little about stick insects, but would doubt that they are very long lived. So, I might well go with Joffrey's suggestion of replace them for now, but when the inevitable happens in the not too distant future do not fudge the issue. Be honest without being brutal.

Finding out what death means is one of the main reasons for keeping animals as pets isn't it?

Err, no, not really the main reason although obviously it comes to all living things eventually.

I have a 15 year old cat, a 12 year old labrador and an 11 year old cocker spaniel. The main purpose for having them is because we wanted them and they are much loved family members. My youngest (DD3) is 14 now and so the pets have been around for as long as she can remember. Likewise my DD2 really, as she is just about to turn 18. They have grown up with them and adore them.

In that time both of their paternal grandparents have sadly died so they are well aware of the cycle of life and death.

I know my pets are elderly, and perhaps on borrowed time, but still healthy and able so we just enjoy them each day. Death will be dealt with when it comes. It won't be fudged over or made a joke of.

I wouldn't put it as one of the main reasons at all - developing caring and empathy for living creatures would be the main one - if it also teaches about death and grief, fair enough, but that's incidental surely

Oh tell her the truth. I grew up on a farm, when any of our livestock was on its last legs my mum used to take me out to the barn or field with the vet

It might sounds horrendous but both mum and vet would explain what was happening, why and what the outcome was going to be. Yes it was sad, i saw them all as pets, but it helped me learn to deal with death of our beloved pets whether they be stick insects, chickens or cows

Please don't tell her that you lied to her - this could really shake her trust in you.

Best not to have lied at all, but now it would be better to tell her something along the lines of someone found them but they have died. Definitely let her know that they aren't coming back

3 pages wow. I told her after the first couple of posts. She looked a bit sad for 5 seconds and I thought oh god she's going to cry then she said can we get butterflies now? I said sure and she smiled and it was done.

Those who asked, they didn't all die at once it was over about two months when 1 went to hibernate and the other was hiding in the leaves but after the 4th one died I couldn't keep replacing the leaves so I moved the cage and put a house plant there, after a couple of weeks she noticed it missing. So I said I didn't know where it had gone, she said perhaps it had blew away in the wind ala wizard of oz or they ran away.
Sorry its not funny, I shouldn't laugh. But when DD is very poorly I get my laughs where I can. Since when did MN get so serious about a few stick insects

Since when did MN get so serious about a few stick insects

You lied to your daughter about her pets being alive. It's irrelevant what type of pet it was. The lying was what everyone had a problem with.

Sorry your dd is ill though.

It did get a bit serious didn't it.
At least you told her anyway. Just doing be telling porkies about the butterfly's!

And put a photo of her poster on here as a huge joke

Not funny op

Glad it's all sorted with DD, AtSea.

Butterflies.

Agree with purple it's a pet, doesn't matter what it is.

Stick insects are kinda funny, though, aren't they?

Serious question - do they make good pets? As in, can you interact with them?

Well I'd hardly lie to her about a pet dog!

Or heaven forbid her beloved guinea pigs, get off your soap box and go and eat a burger, I get the whole living creature thing but even I couldn't get attached to such sticky buggy things.

The sticks were kept in one of those butterfly cocoon cage thingys so she was deadly serious. Anyone know were I can find some caterpillars for Xmas?!