To lie about the dead pets?

[AtSea1979]

Ok so I told my DD they were hibernating, now I've put cage away she thinks they escaped and went on a rampage or "blew away in the wind" and someone else is looking after them for her.
Do I finally fess up and tell her our beloved stick insects died?
She is off sick at minute and has even made a poster...

What happened that all four stick insects died?

I don't think I'd go back on what you've said now, but another time be honest in a kind and gentle way about death. It wouldn't have to be with a pet - a dead bird or an animal at the side of the road would do. E.g. 'Yes, it's very sad, but I'm afraid these things do happen - maybe it was very old.'

I still remember a dd at under 3 being quite upset about a dried-up dead worm she'd found in the in the garden. 'Oh, Mummy, look at this poor ickle worm - isn't it sad?'
We had a lot of pets over the years, everything from goldfish to dogs, and both dds would be terribly upset when any of them died (among others we had 2 cats run over) but it probably all helped to prepare them for losing much loved grandparents when they were still quite young.

We had quite a number of 'funerals' in the garden for smaller pets, little graves with stone markers or a cross made of sticks and a flower or two on top, and I think this can be a comfort to young children, too.

She'll want to visit the grave if she thinks it's been buried.

Tell her it was buried at sea.

I was told my rabbit had run away when I was about four. I looked for it every time we went for a walk. I was 11 years old and still looking out of the window at school to try to spot the rabbit in the fields when I realised it had actually died and I'd been lied to.

Don't make up some story about it being found and buried. Say you're sorry for lying and promise her, and mean it, that you won't lie to her again.

I would go with the phone call from someone who has been looking after them but they have since sadly died. That way she knows the truth and it stays simple.

I wouldn't admit you lied, i really wouldn't. It will be confusing for her and add a layer of weirdness to the already tricky death talk.

Next time be honest. Death of a pet is a brilliant way to help a child understand.

One stick insect looks an awful lot like any other....

I'm with joffrey - replace this time ("He came home!") as it's already gone too far, and then next time, tell her the truth. I couldn't look at those posters and tell her her pet was dead.

Yeah don't go into the burial thing. She probably wont ask where the bodies are - but if she does say you don't know or they went to the vet and they deal with it.

There were 4?

There were 4?

The poster says "4 stic insects"

Bake's solution is excellent. Children need to learn about death - that's is normal, it's OK to be sad and that it is forever. Pets are a helpful way to do this and much better them than people.

Aww the poster

You could always say that it's now too cold for stick insects to survive outside so you strongly suspect they're dead rather than missing.

Yes, please be honest with young children about pet deaths, and deaths in general. My well-meaning father once told my now 4 year old, I think when he was 2 and a half or so, something about how dead people 'sometimes came back'. DF claims not to remember saying it, and I have no idea whether he meant it from a Christian afterlife POV or what (zombies???), but the result was a confused and upset small child who is still, the best part of two years later, insisting that death isn't final because Grandpa said so, and getting upset about it - which, frankly, isn't that helpful when he was four very elderly and not very well grandparents, and we will be dealing with the reality of their deaths in the not too distant future...

Speaking as the poster whose goldfish 'went to live at the greenhouse' (I was 5 or 6) I think having said all this I'd just replace the stick insects and tell her they came home. You could have handled it better but going back now will make it worse I think. When the next batch of stick insects die (how long do they live, a few months max?) tell the truth.

PS don't put gravel in the container or you will end up with 1293098 stick insects. Trust me.

I think you need to explain that they have died. DD just turned 3, and one of her rabbits just died. I explained everything very simply, and she helped us bury him in the garden. She has taken it all very well. Occasionally she will comment about how we put him in a hole in the ground, but she isn't bothered by it, she knows he was too poorly to get better and he is okay now because he doesn't hurt any more, and is looking after mummys rose bush.

My parents used to tell me that pets went to the 'horse heaven', 'dog heaven' etc.... that worked for us.

I don't think lying was a good idea, but going back on your word is even worse...

You could however tell her that it's too cold for these insects, that it makes them very sleep, tired etc...

So, like, emphasise that it wasn't a painful death but they basically fell asleep and then died?

Idk. But I don't think lying is a good idea.

Finding out what death means is one of the main reasons for keeping animals as pets isn't it ?

Im with the others, replace and tell the truth next time.

For household pets like stick insects and giant snails, we've always just told them the truth and they coped well after being upset for a short while. However, when George the goat died shortly after a family bereavement, we lied through our teeth. It was too much for them to deal with so soon after the loss of someone they loved and the youngest in particular was very attached to George. So we told them that he had gone to Eriskay (small island south of the one we live on) to live with a nice old man who needed a goat to trim his grass.
Now they are older, we don't lie. Not least because every time we go through Eriskay, the youngest wants to go and visit the bloody goat!

I find it sad that you've even posted this on here
What do you think wes going through your daughters mind when she drew the poster ? How do you think she feels and you posted it for your amusement
Shame on you

"Fell asleep and died" doesn't sound like a good idea either.

Children become scared that when they go to sleep, they'll die.

I hope not footle

Not mine, Footle.