Does the guilt of being a working mother ever go away??

[Steelojames]

I am a single parent (dad no access) and went back to work full time when my daughter was one.
She is now three and I have gone down to four days a week (in education so job very very demanding). I planned to do this to initially spend the day with her but most times I send her to day care on this day off so i can have the day to myself and actually spend the day sorting out house so free's up weekend for me and her etc.
A friend of a friend today said something which made me question my decision to work full time, along the lines of being surprised that I worked full time with a child sooo young.
I now feel guilty! I feel guilt for sending her in to day care for five days & guilty for spending the day off to myself.....
After Xmas I've booked us some toddler classes to make it out day etc but hen plan to send her to nursery half day as really need some time to myself as don't get on weekends. I don't plan to be a sahm and with only my income I can't afford it and don't really think id enjoy it.
We have very active weekends, managing household, going out, visiting family etc so we do spend as much time together as we can etc.
Just want some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.

Kjs - I know it's bad. Can't help thinking it sometimes though.

I am still my kids' main educator (or rather - my husband and I are), for what it's worth. It's also a regularly seen assumption that working parents never see their kids. The thing that suffers in our house is the cleaning and tidying, not time spent doing stuff together.

Do what is right for you. All the mums i met over the years did it differently. It was one of the main topics of conversation at toddler groups and i found it interesting. I did 2 long days when my kids were little. I was glad i did as it kept my career going but missed them terribly and couldn't have done 5. Now they are teenagers i work every day.

I went back to work full time after 16 weeks of maternity leave with both my DS's. I don't feel one ounce of guilt that I'm working in a job I enjoy, earning a decent wage to give my sons a great quality of life.

Guilt is the most useless emotion going, and you're still a person in your own right! You deserve to have down time. Your daughter is enjoying life yes? Thriving in her current situation yes? Then cut yourself some slack and ignore what everyone else says!

Would my boys like to be at home with me full time? Sure, because they think life would be all Paw Patrol and trips to the beach. But I would hate to be a SAHP, I wouldn't be any good at it. I love my kids to the very ends of the earth and would do absolutely anything for them, to make them happy. But equally I deserve to put myself/DH first sometimes too.

Having children doesn't mean you need to sacrifice everything for them, that's a sure fire way to burn yourself out and turn you into a person who can only live their life through their child(ren).

Have time to yourself, to be an adult and not just a parent is a necessity that you deserve on a regular basis. Don't feel guilty for taking that time to yourself, you will become a better parent for it.

You are doing the very best you can for your daughter, as am I for my sons. That's all any of us can do!

Bills don’t pay themselves. Working gives you another dimension of experience to pass onto her and from which she’ll benefit. Ignore your friend

Your friend of a friend is a twat.

ZOMBIE THREAD

You do what works for you and your family not the bullshit "norm" I went back to work after 5 weeks. My HV was annoyed and made a sarcastic comment "well you can't be depressed then can you"

I actually went back to work for my children. I had very bad PND with my first, sahp just wasn't for me I struggled to look after my first it wasn't fair on anyone. I wasn't going to go through that again. I've enjoyed every bit of having both lifestyles as I work 4 days a week and have 3 days a week at home.

Shove the delusion of what should be done up there arses.

This sounds stupid but you should embrace feeling guilty. It's just something that comes with the territory of being a mum. You feel guilty whatever you do.

Yes, it goes away! I used to feel incredibly guilty when my children were not as comfortable with their childcare arrangement. Now we have childcare which we are all happy with they are delighted to trot away in the morning and delighted to see me later on and I know my working is the best thing for our financial stability and their futures. If your dd is happy and you are happy there is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about xx

Yes shame on your friend, and then some more

I feel guilty about one thing which is not having the ability to pay them loads of attention when it’s the evening and I am knackered . And for not having time .