to buy my disabled daughter branded clothes?

[PennieB]

My daughter is in a wheelchair, she is mentally disabled. She obviously has no idea about brands, so no peer pressure, etc.

However, I'm not being unreasonable to put her in them am I? MIL seems to think it's because I want to 'jazz her up a bit' would you think along those lines if you saw my DD in branded clothes?

Owllady yes. I apologised and told the head she was welcome to come dress her in the mornings....she laughed and said I think we have more important thins to do.(she was nice)

Polo shirts, doh. Dd has scruffy hair like a mop, she has sensory issues with brushing her hair and hates clips, bands etc. She also hates hair cuts. He hair is naturally wavy, so does not help. As soon as I brush her hair, she shakes it like a dog, and looks like I've never brushed it :-(

Aeroflotgirl you've probably heard this before but curly hair doesn't really need brushing as it can give you the Einstein look. At least IME the most effective thing is leave in hair oil.

Oh right, thanks Cheshire, will try tgat. Every time I use the Tangleteezer she screams, and finds it so distressing. Tried other brushes, but Tangleteezer gets the job done fast 😁 This is her hair

And front

She's absolutely gorgeous!

Toni and Guy serum. If you want to see if they work and don't want to spend a fortune to begin with, try Treseme split ends treatment Tresemme, around £1.5 at home bargains and the like.

Aero she is lovely. Look at those eyes!
I have five mixed race DC so LOADS of curly hair here.
I use a tangle teaser but only when hair is being conditioned. That way you get the knots and tangles out but hopefully don't shred the hair in the process.
Try and wash early enough so that the hair is dry by bedtime or it will be a frizzy mess in the morning. Run your fingers through as its drying.

My DC's hair can take a lot of product because of the texture so I use a leave in hair cream (Mixed Kids) but I don't know if that would be too heavy for your DD's hair.

I avoid the spray in de tanglers because they dry the hair out.

She's so cute!

I don't know if you have Carol's Daughter products in the UK, but I love their Hair Milk products for my curly hair.

My nephews are on the spectrum and have zero interest in clothes, but their parents always bought what was trendy to help them fit in and give them some cultural capital.

Go for it!

When discussing dd who has asd, years ago a lady said "but you dress her so well" .
Sums up some attitudes to disability and sn, that somehow they are worth less time, consideration and money.
Its sad that so many people think this way, dd goes to 2 groups, one for disabled youths and one for youths with autism and at both she is complimented for her outfits. It takes work, i have to choose them ie no v necks as these make her crazy and shes scared of them, check the seams are soft, cut out loose threads and labels, check it suits her curvy bum(and way of walking lopsided so clothes quite often fall funny), then match things for her and plan her outfits, (persuade her to wash but thats aoither story) but its so worth it as why shouldn't she look good like most teenagers want.

Well done Op, just ignore your mil and continue loving and caring for your daughter.

Another not aoither

My DD is a young adult who is severley disabled and unable to make decisions about what she wears nor is she able to choose which clothes to buy. She has a mixture of supermarket/high street/quality branded clothes. I buy what fits her comfortably and what is practical - skinny jeans and cropped tops are out! She always looks smart and gets positive comments about her extensive wardrobe from all the settings she goes to. She also has her nails painted which gets positive comments too (it is actually in her care plan to paint her nails). She is a young lady and I feel it is important for her to look the part just like she probably would if she did not have her disabilities.

I think we have moved on a long way from those white orthopaedic boots that used to be put on disabled youngsters - thank goodness. Thank goodness for the trendy coloured wheelchairs and Pedro boots that we can now choose for our young people.

OP your MIL needs to move in to the 21st century - her attitude belongs with the Victorians.

Thank you all so much 😀. Sorry was putting ds4 to bed. I will try those products, do you out it in and brush the hair. Or just leave it in?

Like anybody else, she deserves clothes that are comfortable, practical and fit correctly. Most branded stuff fails on those (designed to fall apart so you buy more, and money spent on the sulky vacant faces in the ads - just look at the modern rarity ad that I can see below this). But if you do find branded that works for her and you, as I said she deserves the same as anyone else.

I will try those ones and leave it in. Dd hair is fine but wavey.

Ds2 loves me using the tangle teaser on him and won't let me stop! (DH helped me out tonight by unlocking the door to the glory hole where the vacuum cleaner lives, just as I'd finished!)

Running your fingers through it will probably be enough- it sounds a bit like my DS's hair and that's all it takes for his.

Mine is thicker, longer and dyed blue so takes more work!

How can your mil say that?! How can dressing your child in nice clothes mean you're ashamed?!

Whatever makes people happy

My ds is 4.5 and has severe learning difficulties and asd and will only wear primark £2.50 jogging bottoms (as they are baggy, all the other brands are slim fitting), hoodies and his hair looks mostly like a scarecrow as he won't let anyone near it apart from once a year or so to tidy it up (always a huge trauma!) We a very trendy, clean and appearance conscious family so I hope people don't judge how we treat ds based on how he chooses to look and how we look in comparison....! We just want him to be happy and comfortable.

To be fair, I think it's nice she's smiling when you dress her up as she's probably picking up on the fact you're enjoying it.

OP, you are being a good mum. Why shouldn't she look like any other child / teenager? It makes me sad if I see a young person in a wheelchair with complex needs wearing mismatched clothes, with an unflattering haircut or badly crooked teeth. It screams 'Well, they don't know the difference or can't express an opinion, so why bother?' Well, you would bother for your other children so why not them? I don't intend to sound shallow, but it probably also leads to a more positive reaction from others. If the reason is sensory issues Fairlyea then that is a different matter.

I haven't read full thread - apologies.
Can i scream at your MIL and give her complete grief for this horrible insult.
Because she looks at your dd and assumes that you, instead of thinking about her and putting her first every single second of the day and showing your love, are dressing her to please yourself. That's just plain old nasty.

YANBU to dress any child of yours however you like as long as they are happy and comfortable with it and you aren't leaving your family short of money needed for other things.

Personally I wouldn't in your shoes because I only buy designer clothes for my children if they really actively want them. So if a child never asked then I'd never buy them any.

Your MIL needs to keep her mouth shut!