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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy my disabled daughter branded clothes?

159 replies

PennieB · 14/11/2016 21:16

My daughter is in a wheelchair, she is mentally disabled. She obviously has no idea about brands, so no peer pressure, etc.

However, I'm not being unreasonable to put her in them am I? MIL seems to think it's because I want to 'jazz her up a bit' Hmm would you think along those lines if you saw my DD in branded clothes?

OP posts:
Original poster
PennieB · 14/11/2016 21:44

It's like if we are going to a party, etc. I might put her in a dress and do her hair nice, she seems to smile and enjoy it so who cares I suppose :) tbh MIL doesn't get why I don't just keep her in pyjamas, as it would be 'easier' Hmm

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 14/11/2016 21:45

You treat your dd like you should, she is just as deserving and some would say even more deserving (me) of branded clothes as the next child .

Owllady · 14/11/2016 21:46

Oh Pennie you need to just ignore her! Of course she can wear a dress to a bloody party and have nice hair! It would be completely inappropriate to leave her in nightclothes all day!

DonkeyOaty · 14/11/2016 21:46

Justaweeone don't feel sorry - some children with special needs don't cope well with haircuts, or other types of personal care; as Owllady says they might have picked their outfits themselves, old clothes can be soft and familiar and so on Smile

PickAChew · 14/11/2016 21:47

My youngest DS has severe learning disabilities. He does have a definite preference for what clothes he'll wear, but it's mostly about comfort. He refuses point blank to wear a coat, unfortunately. My eldest has a Tog24 borg lined softshell jacket which i know would be fabulous for him, if only there was a half zip version and I would happily pay ridiculous money for one.

What I won't do, though is pay £40 for nike "fashion" joggers for him when the £13 (or less) Next ones do fine. The mark up for a "label" has to be justified by both its function and wearability. My much more cognitively able DS is of the same mind.

In reply to justaweeone occasionally, the poor haircut is for a reason - DS2 hasn't let me (or anyone else) near his hair with scissors for about 6 months. Thankfully, it's always been long, so he's simply rocking more of a metalhead look, when he hasn't rubbed it full of static so it's stuck to his face!

isthatmorelego · 14/11/2016 21:48

I would judge far more if your child had dirty threadbare clothes

Mrsmadevans · 14/11/2016 21:48

I work with disabled children and families and they are just wonderful kids , I can't believe your mil can be so heartless and stupid! take no notice op you are doing the right thing by her, bless her and you

DonkeyOaty · 14/11/2016 21:48

Pennie your MIL sounds a bit of a silly billy. Your husband could tell her to beak out (nicely if he wants to!)

PickAChew · 14/11/2016 21:48

Pennie what would be easier is if your MIL kept her vile gob shut and stopped being so damned offensive.

Lunar1 · 14/11/2016 21:49

I buy my godson branded clothes and he (literally) eats them. As long as they are appropriate for the occasion what's her problem, unless she goes out in pj's!

Shockers · 14/11/2016 21:50

I buy my learning disabled DD a mixture of brands when it comes to clothes. I am not in the slightest bit concerned about looking 'hip' myself, and neither is she... but I do notice other kids clocking her clothes and giving her more acceptance. Rubbish I know, but if I can smooth her passage through life, I will. She has enough to deal with.

HolesInTheFloor · 14/11/2016 21:50

My 4yo ds is autistic. He has just started mainstream school and is obviously so very different to the other children in his class. I spend a lot to ensure he has really nice, high quality clothes. I think it's because I'm so terrified of him being teased or bullied as it would just break him. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to prevent it.

flapjackfairy · 14/11/2016 21:51

I also have disabled children and i always dress them in nice modern clothes (though not designer as not really a fashionista). Like most parents i love them and l am proud of them and i want them to have the best of everything they can . Simple really. Dont know why anyone would question it tbh.

irie · 14/11/2016 21:51

MIL sounds awful. Oh she's disabled let's just buy her some cheap crap clothes?! OP you sound like a lovely mum and I'm sure your daughter appreciates the effort you put in even if she doesn't/can't show it

LifeLong13 · 14/11/2016 21:52

Pennie you sound fab! Don't let MIL get to you. She clearly has her own issues she needs to deal with.

slenderisthenight · 14/11/2016 21:53

I imagine you're affirming that your precious DD is an individual, a loved child who is dressed in a way recognised by other children - these are similar reasons to why anyone dresses their child in a certain way.

I think your MIL is the one who is short-sighted and a bit out of line with that comment.

timelytess · 14/11/2016 21:54

You want your child to have nice things. That's normal. Go for it.

gingerh4ir · 14/11/2016 21:54

Dc1 has ASD and severe LD. It has never occurred to me to not get branded (expensive?) cloth for DC1 due to disability. quite gobsmacked how anybody can link these in the way your MIL did. she sounds nasty.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/11/2016 21:56

I put my dd who is 9 in some Branded clothes, just because she is disabled can't she not look trendy. She has kickers, Timberland and Uggs footwear.

nancy75 · 14/11/2016 21:57

Op you are doing just what you should, if your dd didn't have sn you obviously wouldn't want her going out looking a state so why would it. Be any different just because she has sn? Ignore your mil.

clumsyduck · 14/11/2016 21:58

Op ignore you mil and don't let her make you second guess yourself like that you sound lovely Smile your just doing what any parent would do I like to dress my ds nice , fashionable and sometimes branded clothes of course he has scruffier stuff for playing but if we're going out I like him to look nice he on the other hand couldn't care less and would happily wear his pjs all day so it's deffo more for him than me .

clumsyduck · 14/11/2016 21:58

I meant more for me than him Confused

SaltyBitch · 14/11/2016 21:58

Just buy nice stuff, branded or unbranded, like you would for any kid as your budget allows. She's not resigned to the bargain shelf because she's in a wheelchair.

VestalVirgin · 14/11/2016 22:01

Dress her how you would dress a non-disabled daughter.

I mean, I am against branded clothes that are just expensive for the name, I buy fair trade and organic cotton, but you definitely should not dress your daughter in pyjamas when you are going to a party with her. Oo

In my opinion, when you have to dress a person of whose taste you have no knowledge, the most respectful thing is to dress them the way you yourself would dress for the same occasion.
(Okay, I admit, I would probably dress a disabled person the way I dress myself when I want to make a good impression, not the way I dress every day. Because if you are in a wheelchair and mentally disabled, you can use the extra portion of respect that nice clothes can get you.)

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll · 14/11/2016 22:01

I bet the same woman would t query me dressing my clueless baby up to the nines!

I actually had a funny comment once from a doctor on my dds attire. She's got sn, but she delights in nail polish, accessories and dresses and has intricate hairstyle requests. I did wonder if she thought she must be in sensible clothes to fit her situation...