To be furious the teacher told my ten year old she stinks?

[madsymads]

Family meal yesterday at an Indian restaurant. Might have been a bit heavy on garlic and spices.

DD was quiet when I picked her up today (she had been to after school club) and then suddenly started crying. I of course asked what was wrong and she said that this morning she had gone up to her teachers desk to ask something and the teacher (DD demonstrated) pulled a face and said 'ew, go and sit down, get away from me. What have you eaten? It smells awful.'

Obviously this led to quite a lot of unkind comments all day.

Completely inappropriate. Or AIBU?

If I said this to a colleague I wouldn't be at all surprised if my manager got involved. So I can't agree that suggestions to go to the head are an overreaction.

No, it's not fine. But it's not abuse. If I told a colleague he or she stank of something they had just eaten and that person got upset, I might expect someone to have a word with me about appropriateness. But if I was dismissed from my position I would sue for unfair dismissal. It is not gross misconduct.

Yes, being sacked would be inappropriate unless this was one in a string of similar incidents.

But a complaint to a superior? Appropriate.

I'm sure she can't be fired. And I didn't say she should be.

I just said she shouldn't be in a classroom if she behaves in that way towards children.

But her superiors should certainly be aware of her complete lack of judgement, professionalism, and kindness.

And take whatever steps they deem necessary before leaving her unsupervised with children again.

she didnt actually say stink

that was the OP

And take whatever steps they deem necessary before leaving her unsupervised with children again.

ok this thread is actually making me laugh now

We're clearly talking about different posts, zoe.

It will be good to hear what the OP's meeting with the school uncovers, so that posters can comment on what actually happened.

Which, of course, would have been helpful in the first place.

I agree it would be appropriate to raise it with the teacher's manager, but I think it would be better to first ask the teacher whether the child's report is an accurate reflection of what was said.

I know, it's so hilarious to imagine a child crying about their teacher calling them smelly in front of the class!

As if any principal woukd have concerns about children being left in the care of someone who enjoys humiliating children.

Isn't that why people go in to teaching?

Firstly I feel that teachers should be providing positive role models of how to act socially, what she did definatley does not promote this for your DD or any of the other children in the class!

Secondly it's bullying, teachers are the last person you would expect this from.

Definatley confront her without accusing to try find out what happened.

If you aren't happy with the result go to he head teacher!
It's disgusting behaviour and I hope your DD is okay :( poor thing x

You have absolutely no basis for saying this teacher enjoys humiliating children, Doinit. For all you know, she (wrongly) thought the child would laugh, or she thought the child just ate a slice of pizza bread at break or something, and just made an accidental comment that she wishes she could take back. You are attributing motivation to someone you don't even know, on the basis of something said by the hurt party, without input from the person you are accusing. That is really unfair.

I agree with Doinit and I don't think she is suggesting firing, but it needs to be brought up and discussed. I also believe in the work force she teacher/employee would be given a warning. That is not appropriate behaviour in the workplace and it is most certainly not appropriate behaviour from a teacher in the classroom. Teachers are supposed to be setting an example for the children to model. Her saying the child was smelly in the manner described is poor modelling and is essentially saying it is ok to say things like this to each other. That is why the other children continued to make fun of the poor child for the rest of the day and why she came home crying. It was thoughtless and tactless.

Maybe the teacher is pregnant.

secondly it's bullying

Please RTFT.

No update 🙄.

megainstant I don't think just because you're pregnant you lose the ability to know what is and what isn't appropriate to say to a child. Being a teacher you'd like to think she'd know better. The comment screams lack of intelligence. Awful thing to say to say to a child , hope your dd is ok op.

Maybe megan meant the sensitivity to smell was due to being pregnant, thegirl.

It doesn't matter how sensitive you are to smell - you don't make comments like that.

Yes I know she did but it's still a completely inappropriate thing to say to a child regardless of how unpleasant it was for her. If that was the case there are other ways she could have dealt with it.

Interested to see what the update is from op.

IMO the teacher was wrong

My father announced in a roomful of people that my breath smelt and I needed to make sure I clean my teeth properly. I was 8 years old. I can still remember feeling so hurt and embarrassed. It has given me a life long complex.

There is something very personal and hurtful about being told your breath smells and it's one of the last taboos in society to tell someone that they have halitosis.

I work in a hospital and some patients have the most awful breath but I would never say anything to them no matter how it made me feel.

No one is saying it would be OK to make an unkind comment to a child, zoe.

Just trying to offer an explanation for a misunderstanding about the being pregnant comment.

These hair-trigger responses are getting very tedious now. Think I'll just wait for the OP to report back.

Rhonda, it's interesting that that definition (I assumed aimed at schools?) emphasises repetition to be considered bullying. Much workplace policy (and indeed the ACAS guidance) doesn't include that as something that needs to happen for a behaviour to be considered bullying. I assume most people posting are most familiar with workplace policies, hence the confusion.

It makes sense, really, for that to be included in guidance aimed at children who have lower impulse control and less of a 'filter' - they are still learning.

But I'd say a teacher should be held to a higher standard- the same standard as other adults in the workplace. If it would be considered workplace bullying when done by one adult to another, it shouldn't be acceptable (or not considered bullying) when done by an adult to a child, simply because that behaviour happened in a school - particularly as even a single incident can affect how a child is treated by their peers, given a teacher's position of influence.

I mentioned pregnancy earlier too, because when pregnant I would spew at the very thought of a smell.

Adults often use informal language with children, on a par with their own. So I wouldn't say to the bank manager or a patient- 'ooh, stinky'! But I would say it to a child.

The point is, your DD was upset so the teacher needs to know that she has repair work to do. I don't think it is a hanging offence, though.

Sacking? Hanging?
Good grief. Try to get a sense of proportion. I know everyone remembers a teacher they hated so they hate teachers but even so...

Hair-trigger responses like somebody seeing the word 'hanging', in the context of "it's not a hanging offence" and jumping to express their shock that somebody wants the teacher hanged for it? Yeah, those responses are tedious!