To not punish my daughter for answering honestly/telling the truth (Father Christmas related)

[iProcrastinate]

To cut a long story short! My DD(7.5) hasn't believed in Father Christmas for a couple of years, we never made a big deal about this and I just let her make her own mind up. We still do a Santa letter, and leave out a mince pie with the stocking, that's tradition; and you'll struggle to find a kid who loves Christmas as much as she does! I won't bore you with why we don't make a big deal over it!

DD is under strict instructions NOT to go around telling other children that he isn't real. I don't think that she would, But she has also been taught that to lie is wrong......

So DD and her class have recently moved into Yr3 at school, so they share a play ground with the older kids. DD and a friend of hers were asked, by an older child, do they think Father Christmas is real. DD answered no. That night I got a furious message from the mother of the friend, saying that DD could have 'ruined their Christmases', but fortunately she has managed to 'repair the damage', and could I reprimand DD. I apologised but said that I would speak to her about this but not punish her. She answered honestly.

AIBU not to punish her? At what age do kids start questioning the Father Christmas thing? Surely it must be a hot topic of conversation at this age? DD can't be the only 7yr old out there who doesn't believe.

TouchMyBum, actually that was quite a nasty post if it was to the OP. Her child (another SEVEN YEAR OLD) did not 'take it upon herself' to spill the beans, she answered a question in the playground from older kids. About her own belief.

If one 7 yo or even older can be innocent enough to believe in FC you are asking a lot of another child the same age to juggle stuff like discretion, honesty, childhood impulsiveness. Nasty to call her 'know it all'

Oh! Are you the other mother?

I never fed my child the Father Christmas story but we are really respectful and she doesn't seem to notice other kids believe. I told her it is a fairy story.
I never remember this being such a big deal when I was young. What changed?

Really nasty to talk of 7 year olds as precocious little shits, just because they answer a question when asked by the big kids.

Lot of venom and rage invested in keeping the magic alive Touchmy.

All this awful language aimed at one child the interest of "keeping the magic alive" for another child. How ridiculous.

Kennington: I wonder. I see so much more Christmas Performance now that we didn't used to get. Parents having so much time and energy (and more money) for Elf in the Shelf (shudder) , Christmas Eve hampers, reindeer footprints and fake munched carrot remains etc than we ever had. i think it makes adults very invested.

I loved Christmas as a child, helpless with excitement on Christmas Eve and morning. I love it now. But I don't have a taste for 'production' .

My daughter is a bit lacking in the imagination department, and takes everything very literally. We tried with the whole father Christmas thing, but the Christmas after she had just turned four, her Nana asked her it was Santa or Father Christmas who brought the presents, and she calmly answered that it was neither, as he isn't real. Made us look like the parents of the year! We are spending Christmas with my sister this year, and she has young children too, although they are full of imagination and whimsy...what could possibly go wrong...

It's all ridiculous commercial rubbish. And if there's any one upmanship going on, it's the "make a perfect magical Christmas" brigade. Who will all collapse in a weeping heap on Boxing Day having been too tense and strung out to enjoy anything but " it's worth it to keep it magical for the children"

Father Christmas is a phase. You move on the the next phase because you work it out, or because an older child tells you. And yes, I would be concerned about a secondary child still believing. Because it would mean they had done no proper science or critical thinking.

The other mother sounds really precious. I wouldn't worry about it, what a silly thing to get worked up over!

I would assume at their age they kind of know Santa isn't real anyway surely?

Tell her to have a mince pie, a glass of wine and chill out

The other mother considered it "nasty" that her child was told about FC at an early age (yes, 7 is early believe it or not) - I'm not the other mum but I would have been bloody raging if I had been. You make your choice with your kids but tell them to zip it with regards to other children.

It's a sad old world, really. Call it "ridiculous commercial rubbish" if you want but my family had many happy years of it, and I miss it now they are older.

You make your choice with your kids but tell them to zip it with regards to other children.

So if Child A asks Child B if they think Santa is real, Child B should always say Yes regardless of what they really think? Or...'no comment'?

How about, "Do you?" or "I don't know"? Anyway St Nicholas was real so you could console yourself that it's not a lie, for all the purists.

It's absurd that your child should be punished, this mother is far too concerned with keeping the "magic of Christmas" alive, you don't need an overweight imaginary man to do that. Hot chocolates, movies and family time is what I remember the most from my childhood christmasses. I couldn't tell you what gifts I got but I could tell you about the time my grandad came over for lunch and we played cluedo for hours. Cheesy I know, but the sooner parents realise children don't need all the extra commercial tat to be happy, the better.

"trendy liberal approach of the Santa deniers"
Funnily enough, my conservative friends are "tell it as it is" types, no coddling.

It's just barking to be "raging" because someone told your kid the truth

Innocence being equated to believing in a pack of lies told by adults to vulnerable children to justify wanton consumption?
And some recent liberal trend? HA ha. My (depressingly right wing) grandparents never came out with the santa waffle, honestly - Christmas is a loadvof what you see on tele. Noone actually does that, don't be so gullible.

Most 7 year olds DO believe. I would be disappointed if my daughter ruined it for others. And I would be angry if another child ruined it for my daughters at that age. I would do as you have done, and tell her not to answer.

Your child should have been taught discretion. I hate all this do-gooder, "my children don't tell lies" (it's Santa ffs, not keeping a murder secret!) and the oneupmanship of some who think their children are intellectually superior because they stop believing early - I call bullshit. Please don't let your know-all kids spoil another family's Christmas. They have rights too.

Thank goodness there is one sane person at least on this thread! I was reading through in despair!

Her 7.5 year old DD was asked by an older child. So 8-11. Not like she's barged into a reception class room telling them Santa isn't real.

What rights?

No I don't believe your DD should be punished for this x

I would not tell my child of for saying father Xmas is not true. Kids are going to find out at some point. Unless kids live in a bubble they are going to hear things we don't want them to.

YANBU - it would be terrible to punish a child for telling the truth. The other mum was a bit batty complaining to you about it.

I stopped believing in Santa when I was about 6 but right up until we were in our late teens, our parents would put the presents out after we'd gone to bed. We'd all go downstairs together and my dad would do a theatrical "has Santa been yet?" routine - cheesy but tradition

don't punish your child. santa claus is a ruse parents use when they can't control their kids behaviour most of the time anyway - or at least ive seen parents use it as a threat for good behaviour instead of an actual tradition.

Your dd should carry on as she is. If someone asks her what she believes, why should she lie? It's up to the child to decide what's true or not. She shouldn't have to adjust her answer unless she wants to. It's not like she's going up to young children and telling them what she thinks. She was asked. Maybe the other mum doesn't realise this. Otherwise, she's being precious.