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Original poster

To not punish my daughter for answering honestly/telling the truth (Father Christmas related)

439 replies

iProcrastinate · 14/11/2016 08:05

To cut a long story short! My DD(7.5) hasn't believed in Father Christmas for a couple of years, we never made a big deal about this and I just let her make her own mind up. We still do a Santa letter, and leave out a mince pie with the stocking, that's tradition; and you'll struggle to find a kid who loves Christmas as much as she does! I won't bore you with why we don't make a big deal over it!

DD is under strict instructions NOT to go around telling other children that he isn't real. I don't think that she would, But she has also been taught that to lie is wrong......

So DD and her class have recently moved into Yr3 at school, so they share a play ground with the older kids. DD and a friend of hers were asked, by an older child, do they think Father Christmas is real. DD answered no. That night I got a furious message from the mother of the friend, saying that DD could have 'ruined their Christmases', but fortunately she has managed to 'repair the damage', and could I reprimand DD. I apologised but said that I would speak to her about this but not punish her. She answered honestly.

AIBU not to punish her? At what age do kids start questioning the Father Christmas thing? Surely it must be a hot topic of conversation at this age? DD can't be the only 7yr old out there who doesn't believe.

OP posts:
HeCantBeSerious · 15/11/2016 19:28

Why the Hmm, HeCant?

Because the majority of the people in this country (UK) are of no faith, but you (seemed to) assume anyone that wasn't Muslim etc was Christian and therefore "did Santa" (even though the two things aren't related).

HeCantBeSerious · 15/11/2016 19:30

ike religious parents bringing dcs up to believe in a god you mean HeCantBeSerious?

Pretty much, except that we know with 100% certainty that FC doesn't exist.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 15/11/2016 19:39

My DS declared, aged 6, that FC could not possibly exist, because it wasn't scientifically possible for him to whizz round the world in one night delivering all the presents.

DD, at the time 10, was desperately trying to convince him otherwise, but he had none of it. I think DD was worried we'd think she'd told him Grin

I simply said that actually he was right, but just don't go and tell all the other kids as some might still believe, but just say nothing as then he wasn't lying.

OTOH, my mum was actually cross with me for not trying to convince him. To this day, (DS is now nearly 13) she's still grumpy about "losing the Xmas magic" Hmm

But why would I want to interfere with his thought process? He'd listened to all sorts of stuff, put it together and made his own decision about it, and I respected that.

MsGemJay · 15/11/2016 19:40

Sorry but I'd be so pissed!

HeCantBeSerious · 15/11/2016 19:43

Suggest you get used to the idea then Gem Wink

Agerbilatemycardigan · 15/11/2016 19:46

My daughter was more freaked out at the thought of a strange fat bloke with a beard randomly squeezing his way down our very narrow chimney. I think she was quite relieved when she found out that it was a load of old bollocks.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/11/2016 19:49

My friend's son feels that way too Ager.

Everyone else's obsession with it all has him not wanting to leave the house most Decembers (he's 6).

Galdos · 15/11/2016 19:51

YANBU. Watching my own kids, they played with the growing sense of it all being fiction, as part of growing up. Always amused me that when material gains were in prospect they became fervent believers, but otherwise discussed it among themselves, speculating about practical issues like locked windows and blocked chimneys, and why does it always include a satsuma?

As I recall, they were all quite pleased with themselves for working out it was fiction (at around 6 or 7 I think), although remaining 'firm believers' for material gain.

Majesticdoughnut · 15/11/2016 20:04

My DD is 8 and still believes in santa. However I have always told her that mums and dads are Santa's helpers as well as the elves. She asked where certain things are made and I can't lie so I tell her the truth that how santa is getting old and might not be able to carry everything around much longer.
So santa gives parents a list of stuff he can't carry and we go out and get it. I wouldn't be upset if someone told her he wasn't real.
I am pagan and I believe in the Norse gods. Odin the all father is basically santa. And Krampus is the anti santa. So she knows about them. The other mother is being precious. I'm sorry but you can't sugar-coat everything forever. Xx

Vulty · 15/11/2016 20:06

I was about 12, 13 when I found out. Late I know but it kept it magical for me and I was gutted when I found out. Im not bashing as it can't be easy to keep it a secret especially with social media but I find it sad kids stop believing younger now

HeCantBeSerious · 15/11/2016 20:12

I find it sad kids stop believing younger now

How old are you?

eamiles · 15/11/2016 20:18

I think she was unreasonable but my 8 year old in year 3 totally believes and so do all her friends, i hope ive got 2 years left with this. They grow up so fast nowadays.

BertrandRussell · 15/11/2016 20:22

All of you with older children who believe- don't they wonder why he ignores poor children?

Caprianna · 15/11/2016 20:23

I would expect children knowing Santa is not real around the age of 6. If they still BELIEVE they must either be lying to make their parents happy or be a bit thick.

Purplealienpuke · 15/11/2016 20:24

Your dd has done nothing to be punished for!
Is this crazy bint going to ring or accost every person who dares to say fc isn't real??
That's life, most kids find out by the time they're 10 or so or earlier if they're astute or hear it from others. Not the end of the world!
My dd is 22 & still gets a stocking (obviously doesn't believe still!!) & my dgd still believes at 5.5 (p2)!

maggiethemagpie · 15/11/2016 20:27

If my kids are still believing in santa much past around 8/9 I will be a bit worried that they're a bit thick.

It's a sign of intelligence to be able to work out that it's all a load of crap.

maggiethemagpie · 15/11/2016 20:30

My secret theory is that deep down they know, anyway.

When my son was 3 we made the 'school boy error' of wrapping up his stocking presents in the same paper as the tree presents (which he knows are from us and go under the tree on xmas eve)

On opening his stocking he immediately said 'Silly daddy - same paper!' (cue me frantically backpedalling saying Santa had been to the same shop as us for wrapping paper)

My dd is now 3 and said 'Santa is just pretend isn't he mummy'. My son put her right on that one, so she thinks he's real now but I think inside they know really.....

We can lie to ourselves about all sorts of things, as can kids...santa is just one of them.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/11/2016 20:31

bert I think in my case it's complicated by the fact Ds has autism! He believes because that's what he's known. He's asked a few times and I've always responded as suggested above with "what do you think" he actually can't decide Grin I think part of him wonders but he doesn't have the ability ATM to make a realistic decision iyswim?
I haven't made a conscious decision to carry it on and don't hammer it into our traditions but as he still talks about it, leaves the pie and milk etc I don't stop him.
As for ignoring poor children - Ds exists in his world only. Sadly I don't think it even crosses his mind. And we've had years where his Christmas' has been poundland toys - he just accepts what he gets.

Vulty · 15/11/2016 20:35

Omg meant too say 10/11

impossible · 15/11/2016 20:48

The woman is being ridiculous - your daughter was only being honest.

When my (now teenage) dcs doubted Santa was real I would suggest if they kept believing in him he might keep bringing presents. I'm not sure at what point they stopped believing but there were a few giveaways (price tags on presents etc). No damage done as they gradually discovered. They still love the tradition (lots of little bits and bobs in stockings).

Cubtrouble · 15/11/2016 21:15

To say a child is "thick" because he or she believes in Santa?? Ffs have a word with yourself.

My child is four, he believes, I would be annoyed if someone told him now. At 7 or 8- no I wouldn't say anything to someone else's mother.

Jesus Christ don't people have better things to do

WyfOfBathe · 15/11/2016 21:15

When my DSis was about that age, a parent phoned up to complain that DSis had told her daughter that the Tooth Fairy didn't exist. My mum apologised on the phone and then laughed once she'd hung up Grin and reminded DSis not to tell anyone, like you did. I think that's the best course of action tbh.

I stopped believing in FC when I was 8 or 9, I think, and DSis stopped believing by the time she was in Year 1 (we were living in a country where Christmas/FC was handled slightly differently, so I guess that contributed)... but we still had amazingly magical Christmasses. We still put out our stockings and mulled wine for FC on Christmas Eve, and woke up to glittery footprints on the fireplace until leaving home for uni! So, I don't think that no longer truly believing in Santa has to take away the magic.

BertrandRussell · 15/11/2016 21:26

"To say a child is "thick" because he or she believes in Santa?? Ffs have a word with yourself."

Well somebody down thread said that a 7 year old who didn't was "a precocious little shit"...............

BertrandRussell · 15/11/2016 21:29

To repeat my question from earlier - if you have a child who believes beyond 6 or 7 or so, don't they ask why poor children don't get presents, and what happens in refugee camps and so on?

BertrandRussell · 15/11/2016 21:30

Sorry, youarekiddingme- obviously things are different with non-NT children

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