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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no visitors at hospital when I have my baby?

105 replies

teabags · 13/02/2007 13:09

My view is I will have 2 days to be by myself with my new baby in the hospital before I go home. I already have a DS. In laws presume they will visit me in hospital. DH says it is normal for family to want to do that, I guess he has a point.
(I hated having visitors last time)

OP posts:
ssd · 13/02/2007 13:10

I said no!!
best thing ever

had 2 days of peace

do what suits you, blame it on hormones if anyone says anything!!

Kbear · 13/02/2007 13:12

I said no visitors except the grandparents. Bit much to expect them to wait two days to see their grandchild and they won't be there more than half an hour surely.

LIZS · 13/02/2007 13:12

Will they have to come from far ? I don't think unreasonable at all to ask them to hold off or if not come for just a short while and perhaps they can entertain your ds so you and dh have time together with the baby.

gigglinggoblin · 13/02/2007 13:13

not unreasonable, its entirely your decision imo.

but if you want to compromise, dh could turn up first and you go for a nice long bath then he entertains visitors while looking after baby. i know i hated not being able to give baby away while in hospital!

mummydear · 13/02/2007 13:13

Some maternity units have strict guidleines on who can visit , usally it is only the partnner and siblings.

Check with the unit about vistors policy.

You are not being unreasonable.

Your inlaws will be better off helping your Dh and spending some time with you DS before you get home.

Psychobabble · 13/02/2007 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twelveyeargap · 13/02/2007 13:13

It's fairly natural for people to want to visit, though I think it's kinder if people back off for the first couple of weeks. If you don't want them there, say no.

That said, if you want your mum/ parents to visit, then you have to expect that DH will want his too.

Perhaps compromise and say one short visit on Day 2 - parents only, no siblings etc.

WigWamBam · 13/02/2007 13:13

I hated having visitors for the first couple of days, but that was after an emergency section so I was a bit worse for wear. Once I started to feel a bit better after that I was so bored on my own that I craved visitors - I even looked forward to MIL coming.

If I were ever to do it again (I won't!) I would ban visitors for the first 48 hours and then limit the amount of time they spent with me. I think it's reasonable for family to want to come and see you and the baby, but it's also reasonable for you to want to limit this.

MrsBoo · 13/02/2007 13:13

No way - tell them to come and see you when you get home. I hated having visitors the first time round (and hated everyone else's too, as was in a big ward). Second time round, i managed to get private room (with ensuite yipee) and banned all expect my DH, DS and my mum

Radley · 13/02/2007 13:14

You do right, I didn't with dd1 and was totally overwhelmed, so, with dd2 I said no and for the first 24 hours there were no visitors, BUT, she ended up being taken to scbu for a week so I did relent and said family only.

zubb · 13/02/2007 13:16

It's up to you if and when you have visitors in hospital.
I wanted people there as soon as they could get there but I realise from MN that that's unusual.
I always think about when any of my dses has children would I want to see them as soon as you could? Of course I would - so I always treat my MIL as I would want any daughter-in-law of mine to treat me

aDad · 13/02/2007 13:17

stick to your guns
your baby
your hospital trip
your choice

saltire · 13/02/2007 13:18

When my DB and his dp had their little girl, he asked my mum and step dad to go and visit. Mum of course had the sense to realise that bro's Dp's parents would be there as well. What she saw when she got there shocked her though. There was my mum, step dad, my other brother, the baby's other grandparents, her uncle and his girlfriend, Db's friend, his wife, their two kids, another firend, who had driven over with the DP's 2 friends, one of whom had a 6 month old baby with her.
14 visitors in all. This was in Dumfries, and my mum was astounded that so many people would A) visit, and B) be allowed to visit. What i am trying to say is that many people expect perhaps the babies grandparents to visit, but i certainly wouldn't expect others to.
However, it's your baby, so if you want no visiotrs, then make that rule. Would you have the same rule for your family though?

bubblerock · 13/02/2007 13:19

Do what's best for you, I don't think it's neccessary anymore, in the past people stayed in hospital longer having children so I guess it was reasonable to have lots of visitors.

It was a bit of a party around my bed when I had DS1 - I ended up leaving them all to it while I went outside and sat on the wall having a ciggie (I don't smoke anymore).

With DS2 I just had my Mum and DH, my Dad was a porter at the hospital and was working so he was there and my auntie who also worked there came and said hello in the morning. I was in for less than 24 hours (still too long tbh - wish I'd had him at home!) so no one had much chance to visit anyway.

Original poster
teabags · 13/02/2007 13:21

Maybe I'll wait til I've had the baby and then say no, blame it on being tired etc? (It doesn't help that DH just doesn't get it) When I last saw them they said "the next time we see you will be in the hospital" which sent shivers down my spine

OP posts:
shonaspurtle · 13/02/2007 13:22

Not unreasonable. Your baby, your choice.

Have to say I found the hospital visits easier as visiting hours were v strict so I knew when people would be arriving & leaving.

At home had loads of people who just wouldn't leave and dh was rubbish at taking a hint. I ended up taking ds to bed with me on one occasion and letting them get on with it.

shonaspurtle · 13/02/2007 13:25

Also , have to say I was quite overwhelmed in hospital with responsibility for this new baby and rather welcomed other people having a hold.

By the time I got home (4 days) I just wanted dh & I to have him to ourselves for a bit.

Original poster
teabags · 13/02/2007 13:25

My parents live overseas but I'd let my sister visit , but I think that's different to in laws , especially as she will probably take care of DS when I am in labour etc and we are incredibly close

OP posts:
Moomin · 13/02/2007 13:26

Not unreasonable about all the other visitors but maybe you could let the grandparents have a quick visit? I'm really not a big one on families, coming from a small one myself, and I found it hard being part of dh's family for ages. But I'm softening as I get older and I think how I'd feel when I'm a grandparent. Whatabout getting your dh to say that you're really exhausted when he rings them with the news, so quick visit would be better and if they outstay their welcome either get your norks out or start talking about changing sanitary towels. Worked everytime with my inlaws - FIL almost passed out!

Kbear · 13/02/2007 13:29

If you ban them they will never forgive you - you do know that!!! Why not compromise ? Tell DH to tell them half an hour on the second day then give you a week at home to get over it all and settle in the new baby.

Would you not want to see your grandchild asap? I know I would. I also know I wanted my mum and dad to see the baby so I guess DH felt the same too.

kimivalentin · 13/02/2007 13:33

I had loads of people visit when i had DS1 but when i had DS2 he was in the scbu and apart from DH the only people to visit were my mum and sis who brought DS1 to see his new brother. I could not face having tons of people about and ask them to wait till we all got home.

Original poster
teabags · 13/02/2007 13:34

thanks for all your comments.

In hindsight perhaps it is best to see them briefly in hospital as opposed to at home when they will be inclined to stay longer.

OP posts:
ProfYaffle · 13/02/2007 13:35

I didn't have visitors when I was in with dd1, no-one minded. Other people's visitors were a pita though, crowds of them around the bed next door, making loads of noise, encroaching on my space. Maybe you could use that as an excuse to limit visits?

I'm having an elective c/s next week and have gone for a different tactic this time round, gp's invited for as many visits in hospital as they like but banned from our house for 2 weeks after so the 4 of us can get used to the new family dynamic.

DizzyBint · 13/02/2007 13:35

we told people we'd let them know when dd was born once we got home. so no chance of them turning up at the hospital. and then we told them what time to come round, and how long they should stay. but then i'm bolshy like that.

ProfYaffle · 13/02/2007 13:35

Great minds teabags!

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