Can you be friends with a racist?

[AteRiri]

Is your political view separate from friendships?

Bananabread123 you articulated that perfectly.

Personally I find it abhorrent that people can be so outraged at those they deem racist or who voted to leave the EU but who don't seem to give much of a toss about the fact that over 1 million Iraqis were killed on the basis of a lie not to mention the other atrocities the UK and the US have committed in the Middle East. Where's the national outrage, and outright condemnation on the likes of Facebook about that. Or do they not count because they are not US

Nope. I don't question people about their views - and I don't tend to talk politics outside of the home on the grounds that it's such a divisive subject (along with religion and money). But if someone makes comments or shares content which makes it clear that they are racist then they don't remain a friend. I don't speak to one of my BIL for this reason - he wouldn't see himself as racist but is quite happy to use the word p* in general conversation.

When my grandfather was a teen (1930s) he used to get involved in gang warfare what was white vs. black violence. He grew up thinking that that was ok, but I honestly don't think he died with anything like those views. People can change.

You could have heard a pin drop when A friend said publicly that she wanted to vote BNP to keep out immigrants.
The thing is, I'm an immigrant... and I know this gal well. We made instant friends the hour we met. Virtually never says anything bad about anyone (on a personal level). She is quite possibly the least judgemental, least intolerant person I ever met. I'm sure she was speaking out of political ignorance with the BNP comment.

No...is just not possible to truly be friends if your beliefs are diametrically opposed.

No.

No. Being able to be racist says so much about a person that I can't see how they could have any redeeming features big enough to convince me that they are worth spending time with.. people who can 'other' or compartmentalise other human beings are dangerous in my opinion. They can turn on whoever they please and not see the problem with it.

And FameNameGame these people need challenging, so shunning is not much good. But striking up a friendship depsite disagreeing vehemently about something fundamental just so you can show them the error of their ways is just weird.

So don't shun a racist if you yourself are sexist? A wife beater? What?

Navy, you're response makes my point... By treating anyone with racist views as beyond the pale and equivalent to a wife beater you're creating a simplistic 'goodies' and 'baddies' view of the world, that doesn't recognise that we all have prejudices and faults. It's that completely polarised attitude to people and their views and outlook that's at the root of so much conflict. In the past (and today) religious intolerance was the expression of this... today it risks being joined by liberal intolerance.

I'm in no way saying we should accept racism, but to shun automatically those who don't unequivocally adhere to my and your liberal worldview, isn't helping. Most are not monsters, just people similar to you and me with different life experiences and social circles. Shun them if you must, but don't be surprised if they shun you back and we divide our society further.

Yoarchie

The race that he thinks should be wiped out...(ignoring the fact that is rather hitler-ish)...has he suffered some sort of "wrong" from someone like the state representing lots of people of this race or something?

No.

Yoarchie

He says he likes "Asian girls" because we're hardworking intellligent.

But that's about it. He dislikes everyone else, but has a "special place in his heart" for the race he wants to wipe out.

No, it's about more than 'politics', it's the different between being a good person and a shitty one.

I didn't realise it was offensive... apologies.

I'm guessing it refers to the 'pale of settlement'.... the area to which Jews in Eastern Europe were required to live in earlier centuries.

There are many things I can't abide and that's the hypocracy of most people in what they deem acceptable in themselves and unacceptable in others. All the pontificating about racism from people who most likely see nothing wrong with the horrendous treatment of farmed animals for instance.

Hypocrisy would be declaring your abiding love and respect for all creatures great and small, then chomping down on some ten-for-a-pound factory-farmed chicken legs.

Being concerned about racism and not being sufficiently concerned about farmed animal rights isn't hypocrisy. They have nothing to do with each other. Unless you're somehow considering oppressed ethnic groups to be on a par with cattle or battery hens -- which would be a very inappropriate and offensive comparison to make, even if your personal opinion is that animals and humans are absolutely equivalent and deserve the same rights and protections.

Personally I find it abhorrent that people can be so outraged at those they deem racist or who voted to leave the EU but who don't seem to give much of a toss about the fact that over 1 million Iraqis were killed on the basis of a lie...

Why does this tactic come up again and again in discussions like these? Not the Iraq example in particular, but this notion that you can invalidate someone's concern about X by declaring they don't give a shit about Y.

We're not talking about Y here. Even you're not talking about Y -- you're just throwing it in to prove some imaginary point about racism eclipsing all other issues. (It's a strange example, too, since our country's actions in the Middle East have provoked sustained and vocal public outrage.)

Randomly bringing Iraq into a discussion about racism in social groups doesn't prove you're more globally aware or even-handed in your concerns than the rest of us, or give you the moral high ground. It seems crass and obvious, like you're name-checking atrocities to make your own point. Which is what? That there's no racial slur so hateful, no position so toxic, that you shouldn't engage with the racist and sweetly reason with them? That people devote too much energy to complaining about racism and it detracts from other important issues?

NavysndWhite seriously . I hope they didn't give you a hard time. Things should be taken as offence when they're meant to be offensive!

I couldn't be friends with racists because if your perspective is skewed enough to be racist, it's probably mixed-in with all sorts of other distorted views. Friends of DH's - lovely people, really family-oriented, would do anything for anyone they love - are massively racist. I can't spend time with them because, selfishly, I don't want any aspect of their personalities influencing my DCs. It's disgustingly judgemental but I judge them for their racism, I judge their intellect and their moral compass.

ArumWithAView the point I'm making is that we can all be all so judgemental about others priorities... but where does that get us. No where. We all just at sit judging eachothers choices and shunning those who disagree.
Of course one doesn't trump the other. That's the point I am trying to make. None of us are perfect and we should do well to remember that.

No. I've ditched friends who came out with racist comments.

I couldn't be friends with anyone with overtly racist views. If the political ideals were different to mine, but they were reasonable people then yes, of course I could be friends.

Unfortunately a significant number of my close family have been displaying increasingly outspoken racism and hideously sexist comments as well. All of them voted Brexit and would have voted Trump. They think Farage is a man of the people. 2 of them said they voted ukip. They all see more comfortable, bolder,in their views since the referendum. Where as previously I thought they held some dubious views, they kept it quiet.

Me... I could cry with frustration and anger that my family aren't who I thought they were. I feel like going NC with them but I feel the pressure of the web of obligation that holds families together.

Couldn't be friends with someone overtly racist and have abruptly terminated at least one friendship in light of some awful comments.

Would find it difficult to remain friends with a trump supporter, but brexit-voting isn't a 'deal breaker' for me.

ArumWithAView the point I'm making is that we can all be all so judgemental about others priorities... but where does that get us. No where.

Actually, it gets us to a place where racism can be openly confronted, rather than facilitated and tolerated by people falling back on limp, polite, equable responses to extremism and hate. 'Oh, you think they should all be exterminated -- well, who am I to tell you that's disgusting, I'm sure it takes all sorts and I'm none too perfect myself'.

No.

ArumWithAView...if you read my earlier post, I said that rather than shunning, you should try open discussion and proper debate instead as that's how change actually happens. I never said you should politely ignore! That would be nuts.

Many of my views are different to my friends, we discuss and thrash it out. Sometimes I come round to there POV, sometimes them to mine, and sometimes we agree to disagree until the next time...

No and I've recently caused a bit of a friendship group fallout over some racist tirades one person kept posting on our message group. She's apoplectic that I dared ask her (as politely as its possible to) not to say those things, not sure if she genuinely thinks these things are ok to say but I can't look her in the eye knowing she thinks those things and certainly can't be friends with her. Mind youher behaviour is quite narcissistic in other ways

'Oh, you think they should all be exterminated -- well, who am I to tell you that's disgusting, I'm sure it takes all sorts and I'm none too perfect myself'

Genocidal hatred is rather different from understandable resentment that expresses itself comment with racia content.

It's easy for me not to be racist... I'm not directly affected by migration in my job or family life. But if I was a single mum waiting for social housing, and i kept being passed over as families moving into the UK were deemed more deserving, would I feel aggrieved? Yes... might I express anger against those coming in? Perhaps I would.... would I be a monster for doing so? No... I would be wrong and misguided, but not disgusting and evil.