Can you be friends with a racist?

[AteRiri]

Is your political view separate from friendships?

[josbd]

No. Because if someone is bigoted and a racist, I would have nothing in common with them.

[Goosefoot]

Well according to people like Robin DiAngelo, of "White Fragility" fame, everyone who is white is a racist and needs to admit it. That could make friendships difficult if we preclude friendships with racists.

As for the real world, I find it difficult to imagine being friends with someone who believes, for example, that we ought to breed out undesirable genetic samples from the population. Be it based on race or disability or whatever.

But I can imagine being friends with someone who thinks differently than I do. For example, I think a lot of the antiracism movement as it exists at this moment is a form of race essentialism, and so racist in quite a deep way. But I know plenty of nice people who don't query it that much, and while sometimes I think it leads them to say things that are foolish, I don't think it really reflects on their character.

I used to know an activist who was from the 70's school of black separatism. An interesting guy, and while I think that is basically a racist view, I didn't see it as something that precluded friendship - though it might have more on his part than mine.

I did have a friend who went through a period, after going on a trip for students to Israel, of making some pretty nasty anti-Arab comments and slurs. I had known her well for some time and it was a little difficult and I had started to feel I would have to say something. In the end though I think her father had a talk with her about it and it stopped. She was a very emotional person and generally vulnerable to being swept up into causes.

[JovialNickname]

Only if you're Chinese and live on Craggy Island

[Snowball2020]

Totally unrelated to the topic, curious as to how these old threads come back to life (do people search a term and start responding on the first thread that pops up?)

[WoolieLiberal]

Depends what you mean by racist.

If you mean someone who’s just a bit un-PC, uses slighly out of date terms or makes the odd race based joke then yes be friends. You can gently educate them.

If you mean someone who literally hates people of other ethnicities, thinks their own ethnicity is superior to others and wants to deport people (or worse) who do not conform to their ideals, then no way!

[BittyCharleston]

No. I've dumped two long term friends for this already. Heard their abhorrent words, told them that it wasn't okay (though I admit I waited a bit just in case they were remorseful). Sent them some articles about why what they'd said was so abhorrent (again, trying to educate/have faith). They continued and showed no remorse at all, the opposite really, so I cut them from my life soon after. Racism isn't a political view.

[SnackSizeRaisin]

I have some friends and family members who have said some borderline things but we are in a very white environment here so I think it's more ignorance than genuinely feeling superior. I do know some of them have changed their views as they have got older.
I do think that there is a difference between saying inappropriate things within a small group and actually wanting to harm someone. The friends I am thinking of would never actually treat anyone any differently and in fact would probably go out of their way to be nice to a minority person joining a group they were in.
I think unconscious bias is probably more of an issue than overt racism in my circles - I've seen assumptions made and people left out as a result. (More relating to different cultures rather than race)

[Tellmetruth4]

Nope. And not only am I not a racist I’m an anti racist so if anyone felt comfortable enough around me to say any ‘ism’ be it race, sex, disabled, homophobic, I will call it out publicly.

I’ve noticed that in recent times apparently it’s worse to accuse someone of being racist than to actually be racist. Fuck that, the bullies need to be put back in their box and publicly so they know that the people around them are not in agreement with their sickness and weird issues.

[LakieLady]

@VickyMirdle

Racism is very much a political viewpoint, it is a worldview epousing how power relations between different groups of humans should be structured. Racial supremacists believe in hierarchy; egalitarians believe in equality. Both are political positions. Politics is about power.

This.

Being friends with racists is tantamount to condoning racism imo. It sickens me and I can't bear to be in the same room as anyone who spouts racist shite.

Which makes the occasional family gathering a bit lively, as one of my BILs is an out and out racist.

[crosstalk]

Ghost thread though still stirring

[Purplealienpuke]

I ghosted someone last year because of her abhorrent racist behaviour. In public!!
It opened my eyes to the other issues in the 'friendship ' that I'd let slide.
So that was a big fuck off from me.
No point in telling her. Her dil had tried. She took serious umbrage 🙄
Her behaviour couldn't possibly be the problem!!

[nosswith]

Not knowingly.

You can have differences in politics, but there are some that are beyond the pale and that is one.

[goldielockdown2]

No and that includes family members. I just don't tolerate racism, never have.

[Gilead]

Being racist is not a political viewpoint.
And no, I could not and would not be friends with a racist.

[Swindler101]

ok yes I understand the fact that if your friend is a murderer it doesn't officially make you one as well BUT, you will also be considered as a murderer since you never approached your friend. That means you're supporting someone who murders. And if your friends are racist then you're more likely to be one as well since you NEVER approached them and go oh im not racist its just my friends.

[Colby43443]

There's a great article about Trump in the Economist about how he has used nationalist rhetoric.

[Colby43443]

Trump isn't racist. He's a nationalist. He actually doesn't seem to care about skin colour at all, as evidenced by his attempt to win over Indian-American voters. It's no less dangerous, but there is a slight difference.

[justilou]

Couldn't agree more, Lemony. You can lead a horse to water, etc.... My solace is that my kids started school at an International School and have friends from so many different ethnic backgrounds. They have come to he conclusion by themselves that racists are missing out on great friends and experiences because they only notice the differences and they're too afraid to see that they might have more in common than they think.

[lemony7]

Some of my family are very racist. I find limited contact, a lot of holding my tongue, and walking away are the only things that work. We've tried teaching, explaining what they are doing is wrong, etc. but it never works.

[justilou]

No... absolutely not. Unfortunately I'm related to a few though.

[Frederickbullshit]

no you cannot

[Okimamma]

AteRiri- I take it your 'friend' means black people?

[FameNameGameLame]

Here is an actual quotation from Camus that has some bearing on this thread: "The evil that is in the world always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding." The Plague.

That I can agree with. The problem is that no one can see that the other opinion is always considered ignorance and their own opinion always considered full of understanding.

Therefore it is both a useful and useless quote.

[DotForShort]

Ha! I guess that's me told then.

Here is an actual quotation from Camus that has some bearing on this thread: "The evil that is in the world always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding." The Plague.

[BigDamnHero]

Sorry, I haven't RTFT but our neighbours invited us round for their DS's birthday right after we'd moved in. DH was working but I went with the boys. The neighbour clearly wanted to be friends and despite my social anxiety (autism related) I was happy to try...until she started talking about getting the bus to a nearby area. She said she hates getting that bus because it's 'full of pakis' and they apparently 'give you a look'.

She went on to say she didn't know how annoyed I must be about them all 'taking over' my country (she's from Hungary).

I was gobsmacked. The whole family have been nothing but nice to me and my kids and helped me when I locked myself out etc. but I have kept my distance since then because I just couldn't be friends with someone so racist.