Family gathering, niece doesn't like dogs.

[talksensetome]

We are having a family gathering tomorrow to mark 20 years since our mum died, therefore my brothers and sisters will all be there, along with partners and children.

My sister (sister2) is hosting, she is ok with dogs although doesn't own one anymore. I have a dog which I would like to take, he is a good dog and doesn't jump up or run around barking.

Our other sister (sister 1) has said she would rather I don't take the dog as my niece is scared of them.

I would usually get our younger sister (sister 3) to dog sit but given the occasion she will obviously be there too.

Would I be unreasonable to push it a little and ask could I take the dog and leave him in the kitchen? the children will probably be playing upstairs most of the evening and the smokers of the group tend to congregate in the kitchen so its easier to get to the back door.

I don't really want to leave Dog on his own all evening because he will cry, he doesn't get left alone for long periods usually.

So WIBU to make this suggestion and potentially put DSis 1 in a position she would rather not be or am I being one of THOSE dog owners?

Well done OP for taking on board it is unreasonable and deciding not to take the dog.

However.... are dogs turning into PFB's? I grew up with a dog, he mucked in with the family, if we went out and he was on his own, tough tits, he was loved beyond measure but he was a special pet and nothing more. What's with all this dog sitting nonsense and taking them everywhere?

I don't like dogs in eating places (abroad this happens a lot) and TBH I'm not that keen on dogs in packed pubs (our local gets rammed and its a bloody hazard tripping over 10 dogs - last night two dogs got in a big fight in the public bar!). Why can't owners leave them at home when you have to go out, why do they have to trail round everywhere, I just don't get it. (Of course I think they should get plenty of exercise and be part of the family but just lately on MN it's like their place in the pecking order is elevated.

He's a stunner!

Navy I think Waitrose said that because she called her DN mollycoddled and has now said about her dog:

thinks he is a lap dog and sits on my knee
follows me everywhere just like a toddler.
don't really want to leave Dog on his own all evening because he will cry, he doesn't get left alone for long periods usually.

user I did also day I am sure that dog is mollycoddled too. I am not in denial.

Having seen the breed and the fact dsis hasn't met the dog - could it be your sister or her dd are uncomfortable around American Bulldogs specifically after that little boy was killed by one in the summer?

talksensetome Oh yeah I know that, I was just saying for Navy who doesn't seem to realise that and seem confused as to what waitrose was saying.

Beautiful dog.

Your sister hasn't met the dog? Are you not close? I expect that has more to do with things. She could be prejudiced against the breed, I don't know.

How do you know he cries when you aren't there? Genuine question and sorry if this has been asked before.

No we aren't particularly close, we both have work and small kidsand then she goes to dance every weekend with her DD so we don't get chance to meet up often. We haven't fallen out or anything just busy. We keep in touch via Facebook and whatsapp.

5more it could well be that and I would have completely understood if she said so.

blow I have a pet cam which I can view from my phone. Plus I can hear him when I get back.

When did taking your dog with you when you go out to visit friends/family become such a thing?

My guess would be that sister 1 thought saying her dd was scared of dogs was more diplomatic than saying she didn't want her fairly small child in a house with an American Bulldog as they have been known to kill children - I'd guess she'd have thought that might come over as a criticism of your choice to own the dog as you also have children, and that saying her youngest is scared of dogs was more generic and about her rather than coming over as a criticism of you and your specific dog...

Less offensive usually to say I don't like dogs/ children than I don't like your dog/ child!

I can see why she didn't want to say that it is your dog specifically - many people would take that personally even though you'd have understand.

When did taking your dog with you when you go out to visit friends/family become such a thing?

Exactly! I have friends with dogs, they have never ever brought them here when I have them to my house for a meal or whatever. When I was growing up our dog came out with us for a run on the beach if we went there or if it was a place for him to let off steam. The only time we took him to other people's houses was to my cousins as her dog was his brother!

TBH I think it's rude to ask to take your dog to someone's house as it puts that person in an awkward position having to answer that.

Barbarian I think that there are "people who own dogs" and "dog people" and that they are not the same. There used to be mainly people who owned dogs, with the dog people unashamedly labeled as a bit odd/ eccentric and being fairly few and far between, but now for some reason there are more and more "dog people" rather than just people who happen to have a dog.

I blame social media and the fact it's no longer embarrassing for adults to be sentimental and post #lovemyfurbaby without being universally ridiculed... Actually I just made that up, I've no idea why

I think it's great that you understand. And having him in the kitchen... you says he follows you around constantly, that people go in the garden to smoke etc... I don't think that would have been a good option, tbh.

5more that is an excellent point. She is not usually so diplomatic but who knows it's a possibility.

Training doesn't happen over night and in my case it is difficult because dsis and her partner just happen to be there all day and I happen to be there all night mostly. It's not by design.

As for taking him to places, it's convenient to combine his walks with any other places we go, dogs need lots of exercises and socialising so why not take them out with us. Two birds, one stone.

*say

Not to mention, it's possible that other people would have been very uncomfortable with a big 'scary' unknown dog in the kitchen as well.

And dogs do need to learn to be alone for a few hours.

I'm just saying, dog owners insisting that their dog is so nice and 'just wants to play' make me really

When I was little (before we had a dog) this apparently happened when DM and I were on a walk. I apparently was crying and the woman refused to leash her dog/take him away from me.

I was apparently hysterical and my mother (God bless her) got so angry that she took the dog in her arms and was like... "that's my kid, that's your dog and that is the river. Take your dog or I'll throw it in".

Well, not sure how great that reaction was, but I was incredibly impressed by my badass mummy 😂

Yeah, I know, dog lovers may be appalled. I actually love dogs. But their owners...? Meh.

I think that "Dog people" are the ones that have their dogs best interests and health, including their mental health, at the heart of their dog ownership.

Whilst you should be able to offer a dog a home for life, that isn't always possible, accident/death/serious illness/unemployment=repossession

This results in these dogs that have been given separation anxiety, being PTS.

I've always had German Shepherds, I've made sure that they've been well socialised with other animals and Traffic/Horses/Sheep etc and can be left.

I've fostered dogs and helped turn around what their owners have inflicted upon them.

It doesn't matter if it's a fish or dog that your getting, you should respect what that animal needs to be happy and well, in every sense.

birds

Of course, but what happens when the animal causes considerable discomfort to other people? Many dog people are imo unable to respect that many people are afraid of dogs. And in some cases they have very good reasons for that. And even when they don't, one should still respect their feelings.